And Then, Another Jogger...

   And the memory jogger culprit this time is? A K Haart with his picture of the peddle operated dentists drill. I’m quietly confident in stating this was used when, as a pup, I needed my first filling. I also seem to remember this was preceded with a pain reducing shot to the gum. Or was it a huff an’ puff of giggling gas? Whichever it was I also seem to remember it didn’t work all that well.
   On the plus side, all that daily peddling helped keep dentists reasonably fit.
   While I was back in time something else creeped out of my two megabyte memory and this was aided by the fact that everything on the ‘news’, from earthquakes to murders to missing folk, mentions the use of that social media thingy.
   This reminded of the popular form of social media used when I where but a pup and for so many years onwards from then.
   This entailed the use of a bottle of ink, a dippy-in pen – or, if you were lucky, a fountain pen – a sheet of paper, an envelope and a walk to the post office for a stamp then a one or two week wait for a reply.
   You remember the giant breakthrough back a while with the advent of the Biro so no more spilt ink? Sorry, I stuck with my treasured fountain pen.
   Not quite as slick as the more modern forms of unsociable media that one and all seem to have embraced now. Anyhoo, do/can younger folk actually write anymore?

Quote;  Johnny Carson.

“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”

And Then, Another Success...

   Further to yesterdays toothy post, Rick left a comment recounting his adventure. It’s below in blue and it makes one wonder why the media can only find folk to talk to that can’t get this or that done. Hype the horror up!
   Regards Rick always being early for an appointment, this was hammered into my head** at an early age. Don’t ever, ever be late for any appointment. Remember? And you had to dress-up smartly, however ill you were, to go see the doctor or dentist. Remember? Being taken to meet the bank manager to open your first account – to encourage saving; yeah, that worked – also required a trip to the barbers the day before. Oh, how things have changed.
**Note for those upset by hurty words, a real hammer was not involved during this learning period.
   Anyhoo, over to Rick, with thanks;

I have nothing but praise for my dentist. Back in October I broke a tooth. Lots of sharp bits. Rang up. Can you come in tomorrow? One of the instructions was "Don't arrive more than ten minutes early."
I'm a fellow who has a perma-tape running in my head "I'm gonna be late - I'm gonna be late", rather like the white rabbit in Alice in wonderland. I have always thought it best to arrive for appointments no later than half an hour early.
So I arrive at the door of the dentists and find it locked. Moments later a young thing opens the door armed with a ray gun. In the background I see the two receptionists rolling about laughing. When I've been zapped, one of the receptionists says "We said: That will be Mr Rick, he's always half an hour early. Come in Mr Rick, take a seat in the waiting room." All jolliness and smiles.
Passing my time in the waiting room I read the notice board. My recollections are not perfect but one of the notices went something like this: It was from the National association of Dentists, who were apologising profusely for the exorbitant price rise of NHS dental charges which was the fault of the government spending an inordinate amount of money on the covid crisis.
It appeared that dentists were furious with the government. I felt at home.

   In other ‘news’, right on queue, be frightened, be very frightened for here comes the Nepal variant. For those of younger years here’s a, like, puzzle for you: Without using Google, locate Nepal on a map.
Clue: It’s not a suburb of Manchester.
   Finally, Firefox just updated to 89. Guess wot? Bloody thing’s ‘broken’ again. Tabs are minute and at the bottom. Quick semi fix; deleted userChrome.ccs, the one that put tabs below the address bar before and tabs came back but above address bar. Step in the right direction I guess.

Quote;  James Thomas Kesterson Jr.

“If the early bird gets the worm, then what does the early worm get?”

And Then A Trip...

   Not a very exciting trip taken yesterday. To where you ask? To the dentist.
   Big tooth, bottom far left started moving about a bit a while ago. No pain as the bit above it would bite against was lost a long time ago. However, it had started wobbling about more and more and my concern was it’d shake itself out while I slept and bite me in the throat.
   Early morning I phoned the dentist to make an appointment which, according to the fear inducing folk responsible for delivering ‘news’, I may, if lucky, get for mid 2025.
   I was only number three in the phone queue so was soon speaking to a human. I explained my dilemma and the answer came thus,  ”Can you get here for eleven thirty?” “Wah...? Yes I can.” Said I as I sat back in amazement.
   Got there, wait outside until asked to enter, sanitized with a bucket of that chemi goo and seated. “Yup, it needs removing.” Said the dentist.    
   Time for my stock question, so I enquired of the rather attractive nurse, from the little I could see of her through visors, respirators and plastic hat, “You think having it pulled will detract from my boyish good looks at all?” Through much laughter she assured me that, in the unlikely event I’d ever had such looks, it was way too late to worry about it now. Feeling a tad sad and hurt, I gave the go ahead.
   All done and home with a numb mouth to find the satellite TV had done gone dead. Oh the horror of having nothing to watch. Wot to do? Fiddle is wot I done did and eventually got it working and confirmed that, on or off, there really is nothing to watch. Thus it would seem the TV is just a bit of company sitting over the other side of the room quietly talking to itself.

Addendumadodad; While paying for the extraction, I asked if I could make an appointment for my little nest of vipers for a check-up. Only by phone I was sharply told. I stepped out into the street, so there was a door between us, phoned and got an appointment for this morning. So it would seem, paying? Cool. Ask for an appointment? Get thee out you filthy plague carrier. Ah shacks ma heed. 
Additional Addendumadodad; nearly forgot; absolutely no co-co or puncture questions were involved during either of these toothy adventure.

Quote;  Rodney Dangerfield.

“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.”

And Then A Check-up...

Yup, yesterday was dentist day for the ol’ six monthly check-up and once again I’m happy to report all is well. Well, all’s well with the few remaining teethe I have.

In fact, after a short conversation on completion of the inspection, at which time the dentist suggested that at my age I should consider a check-up every second day, excluding weekends, an option I politely declined opting to stick with the six monthly jobbie, he closed by complimenting me on my oral hygiene.  At this time I’m still not sure if that was a compliment in regards to my teeth or the fact I conducted my side of the closing conversation without resorting to the use of any naughty words.

On a final note of interest it seems the cost of a check-up goes ever upwards the older you get and the fewer teeth you have to inspect.

Quote;  Ann Landers.

“Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists.”

And Then, Full Alert….

To elaborate somewhat on my dental check-up of nine days ago, one week to the day of that 'check and clean' visit  a small lump of a small tooth way over on the top right – that's my right as I look out, broke off which is my general experience of check and clean visits. Back to the dentist yesterday and, yet again, there was a new dentist there. A very attractive young lady of middle eastern appearance, wearing a huge headscarf. 

This being the Monday after that weekend, ol' Foggy went into full alert mode noting the placements of all sharp stuff and weighty portable items within easy reach. I sat, and as my mouth slowly filled with equally pointy stuff, I tensed up into a coiled spring ready to leap, geriatric Ninja like, at the first hint of hearing anything remotely sounding like, Ali's Snack-bar.

My misgivings proved unfounded and all proceeded as intended. At the end, whilst I wondered how I could best shake the coils out of my over-coiled old body, the dentist explained that it wasn't a chipped tooth but a very old filling that had given up the ghost and to see how this new one held up.

I asked what the options were if it failed again and suggested that, owing to its position, an extraction could be considered. I concluded this idea by stating that the loss of an all but invisible tooth would in no way diminish my boyish good looks and what did she think? This brought forth no thoughts but the expected gales of laughter from the young lady dentist and her young lady dental assistant.

Once they'd stopped laughing, I put on my hurt, slightly hang-dog face and told them how hurtful I found their laughter and so, in line with modern world views and values, I would be considering legal action against her, her assistant and the dental practice for their cruelty towards me inflicted by their mirthful denigration of the high esteem I previously held myself and my boyish good looks in. Also for the mental anguish I'll now be enduring regarding  the possible need to update my social media profiles to 'Unattractive Old Man'. I concluded by stating that such is the mental stress I now feel, brought on by their cruel and inconsiderate laughter, I doubted I'd be able to sleep for a week.

Man, you should've seen their faces!! It was then my turn to laugh; then we were all laughing; then it was time to go on my merry way. I'm sure the rest of their day was a lot lighter.

Note; I did, as previously documented back in 2013, start with having to answer that old, "Do you smoke?" question which I answered thus;
“Do you smoke?”
”No I don’t. But if you feel it’d be beneficial, I have no problem with starting.”

Quote;  Jane Wagner.

"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."

And Then An Appointment….

Check-up day at the dentists today.

I don't know about you but when I have an appointment anywhere I present myself at reception, state my name and the appointment time. Today I thought I'd try a little play on that formal salutation.

"Hi" said the young reception lady forcing a smile upon having to look up from her smartphone.
"Hello." I responded. I then continued in an almost formally normal manner. "Foggy, two forty-five. A strange name I know but that was the time I was born and my parents, being devoid of any imagination, just used my birth time as my first name. Weird eh? Please, just call me two. Most people do."

Her response to this wasn't the expected laugh or smile but the blankest look I've ever seen in my long life. So blank was the blank look I was tempted to suggest to her she should seriously consider entering politics. I refrained in case she took up the challenge.

Quote;  Ann Landers.

“Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists.”

And Then A Check-up….

This morning I wended my way for a dental check-up. Not the deep cleaning I endured some time ago.

It was another lady one!! And, man, aren’t all these professional people so damn young nowadays? Isn’t it a fact that we’d all prefer to consult with someone older than ourselves so as to give us a feeling of security as we rely on  their vast, accumulated knowledge, wisdom  and experience? This isn’t easy once you reach an age and I quickly popped through that flimsy, permeable membrane that separates my world from the real world after considering the folly of having someone in their eighties rummaging around in my mouth; possibly with a laser drill.

“Morning. Please sit down. No, here. Right, how’s everything?”
”On the whole, pretty good. It’s just that my left knee’s started to…….. Waaaiit a minute!! This isn’t the Doctors!!”
”Wh….”
”Sorry. Everything’s fine thanks.”
”Right. Good. Let’s take a look. Put these on.” and she handed me a pair of safety glasses. I gave her a look that said, you’re kidding, right?  and said, “You’re kidding, right?”
She shrugged and rolled her eyes which seemed to indicate it was some sort of Health and Safety requirement. She said, “It’s a health and Safety requirement.”

I shook my head and donned the plastic glasses. I shook my head again and the glasses fell to the floor. I bent to pick them up, as did the young lady Dental Assistant, resulting in a banging of heads. The young lady Dental Assistant put them back on, shook her head, took them off and put them back on me – not too gently, indicating I should stop shaking my head. And definitely stop laughing.

After a brief poke about, there not being too much left to poke about, the young lady Dentist announced, “Everything looks okay. That is, the ones you have left look okay so I’ll just give them a polish. The few you have left that is.”
”Cool.” I replied in an attempt to sound young and cool. 

Mere  moments  later  the  young  lady Dentist  announced,
“That’s it; all done. Just have a good rinse-out and, please, try not to spit on the floor.”
”So I do what then? Try to spit on the ceiling?”
”Wh…. Oh. That’s a joke, right?”
”Actually…. Yup, it is. Or was.” and eager to leave these young folk with my equally young fellow-well-met persona, I exclaimed excitedly, after running my tongue over my teeth, “ Oh, wow!! That is so, like, awesome!!  They feel, like, so totally, like, awesomely clean!”

With their last barely audible words following me, “See you in six months. Oh, can we have our glasses and bib back please.” I left, closely followed by their last looks which seemed to say, ‘How sad is that guy then.’

Back in the car I devoured an exceedingly sweet, incredibly big chocolate bar  and revelled in the knowledge I don’t have to brush my teeth again for at least five months.

Quote;  Edmond Manning.

“Men often think submission indicates weakness, that letting someone else take charge betrays a character deficit. But we all submit to strangers who drill into our teeth as long as we can see the parchment on their wall which reads ‘Dentist.’”

And Then, The Answer….

A quick trip to the dentist today and a chance to try my stock answer to their stock modern day question once again.

Any trip to the dentist, doctors and various other places of that ilk, usually, early doors, elicits their stock question these days which, in turn, calls for a stock answer.

I can heartily recommend this answer if you wish to see the absolute totality of all known facial expressions, and a few yet to be catalogued, cross a face in a fifth of a second flat.  You need to pay attention ‘couse it’s truly  amazing and all happens so fast it can be missed.

Use this answer even if you don’t; just for the fun of it and the confusion it creates.

“Do you smoke?”
”No I don’t. But if you feel it’d be beneficial, I have no problem with starting.”

Quote;  Audrey Niffenegger.

“Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?" her husband, Jack, asked her. "I'm bored with knitting. I've taken up arson.”

And Then It Was Just Too High….

About a week ago now, her indoors visited the dentist for a filling.  A day later we were back as the filling, and this isn't a technical description, was too big and when she bit – food, not me – it sent shock waves through her head.  What can I say?

The dentist did a dod of grinding and off we went again.

Guess where we've been this morning?  The dentists.  Same problem requiring more grinding and she didn't fancy her chances with me doing it with a bench grinder.

First I asked the dentist if they could hurry it up a bit as it would shortly be the end of the world and we needed to find an advantageous location to watch.  

 This was met with the usual, "Wha….?"

Relying on scientific statements and common sense that this would not be the end, I changed tack and explained to the dentist, "I've told her to ask you to keep going this time 'till it's absolutely right so we don't need another visit so I'll pop back in the New Year to pick her up, okay?"
Not surprisingly, this received another, "Wha…?"

When all was finished and the bite was good, indicated by rapid flapping of my little nest of vipers, the dentist told her not to take any liquids for a while.  The word 'liquid' passed some considerable height above her head so I helpfully explained to her,  "Absolutely no talking for at least a week."
The dentist looked at her, looked at me and said, "Wha…?"

Quote;  ??

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocaine because I'm in a big hurry." the woman said. "Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth dear."

And Then The Rain….

I've just had a lovely early evening meal of lightly poached eggs and soft bread and butter, crusts removed. Man, it's ages and ages since I've had that for an evening meal. Oh, hang on. Not ages. In fact this time yesterday. I'd really love something to eat I could get my teeth into. Wait a minute, that's not going to work. Damn.

Let this be a lesson to anyone out there younger than me… sorry? That's just about everyone? Damn. Anyhoo, take care of your teeth. Sadly, a lot of the places I used to be, a visit to the dentist for a check-up comprised, A) Part with much money and if a problem was found, B) lean back, open your mouth and have a small sack of chicken bones shaken over your mouth while the dentist sang some strange chanty type song. Spookily, on occasion, this worked. When I left the UK and started working overseas, far, far away, the dental care improved tremendously.

Looking out the window at the global warming falling relentlessly out of a leaden sky and a frost forecast for tonight, you have to feel sorry for all the folk who've organized street or garden jubilee parties don't you? Hay, come on, don't you?

I did catch a bit on TV of a bunch of boats floating along that big river down south and all the people toughing it out to watch. Good on 'em. But you have to ask how bright they all are to be just standing in the rain all afternoon watching boats bob by.

Where is this global warming when people need it? Barbeque summers? Retreating glaciers? No polar ice caps? No more snow? Polar bears begging on our city streets for the price of a bottle of sunblock? Really, we've been promised this hot stuff for a long time now and you know what? It's getting colder and wetter.

Quote; Ambrose Bierce.

“Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.”

And Then, Slow Recovery….

This, sadly, has nothing to do with the mythical economic recovery or stuff of import, it's my head recovering after having four, yup, you read right, four teeth pulled out.

And not just any old teeth. It was four of those big beauties that hang dangly down about round back. And not just any four of those big beauties that hang dangly down about round back. Importantly, they were four of mine.

And so the days are being spent quietly in a darkened room. I really don't have anything, funny or otherwise, to say relating to four teeth being dragged out of my head. On the plus side{?} it wasn't five. This time.

Sounds like I'm looking for sympathy do it? Honest, I'm not as I know exactly where to find 'sympathy' in the dictionary and wot words it comes between thanks very much.

Back to the dark room I think. I'll be back out to play soon, four teeth lighter. By the way, did I mention I've been to the dentist?

Quote; Tommy Cooper.

“So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said, 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.'”

And Then I Wait For Mouth Pain….

Not much to say right now. Mentally preparing for a trip to the dentist tomorrow morning and I'm just hoping it isn't as traumatic as a previous visit.

Nothing else to report at present, other than that drought stuff just keeps on falling out of the sky. Hay, and it aint getting any warmer where wot I am. How about where wot you am? I blame it on all those bloody windmills sucking that cold air down from that really cold place right up north. No, right up north. Right up to the top. Right up to where the only place you can look is south. Yes, that cold place.

And now, an observation; how is it all our politicians, yes, those guys who're in charge and know all the important stuff, always begin the answer to any question with, "I think…". You notice that? They're at the top, in charge, hands on the levers, making the big decisions so shouldn't their answers start, "I know…"?

"I think…" "I know…" Let's think about that and what we know about them.

Anyhoo, I wish me luck with the tooth fairy tomorrow and I'll report on the visit when I'm all tickety-boo and taking solids again.

Quote; Tim Vine.

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went backwards and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And then the dentist said, 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet'."

And Then I Went Back To The Dentist......

Off to the dentist for the ol' needles in the gums game as promised to me during my last visit. I must have picked this up wrongly as it didn't transpire to be quite what I was expecting and dreading. Not much better, but not what I had firmly embedded {Hah!! Pun.} in my mind.

I had assumed the dentist was going to place needles all round my gums; something like acupuncture. In fact only one needle was used and this was pushed into my gums, in front of, and behind every tooth, to gauge at what depth the gum showed resistance. I assume. Or for fun? So, I didn't end up, as I had expected, looking like a bit player in Hellraiser.

When asked by the dentist, female, in a sort of, oh, almost forgot, you're a man, so would you like to have an anaesthetic? I pointed out to her that, yes I was indeed a man and as such my pain threshold peaked at bending down to put my socks on. This was accepted with a smirk rather than the expected laugh at my great whit, and injections duly administered. After mopping up my tears the treatment was started.

Although this treatment was with one needle several times rather than several needles one time, the pain factor was still pretty well up there. Especially the bit where the dentist pulled back the gum to water jet behind it. Never mind the numbing injections, which only seemed to result in all the areas round my mouth, from my chin to half way up my nose and from ear to ear, being rendered dead {and strangely huge}, but sensation still being registered by my teeth and gums. Sadly, these were the bits to be worked on.

A nanosecond after what seemed like the entire contents of the surgery was tipped into my mouth, 'man pain' kicked in. My frantic hand waving, body jerking and gagging sounds indicating all was not well were, I thought later, very cleverly picked up on by the dentist;

"Did you feel that? Sometimes these injections work, sometimes they don't. Not much more I can do now. Sorry."

"Thod me!! Oh vevy vell, thit haffenth I thupothe."

"Sorry?"

"Neffer mind."

Two hours later the left side of my mouth was done and it was time to break for lunch. The instruction to rinse my mouth out resulting in a wet shirt and trousers of course.

"Be careful not to bite the inside of your cheek while it's numb." said the nurse, cheerfully waving me out,

"Ha, ha. Of courfe not. Oh, thorry, I theem to haff thpit on you."

Thilly nurth. Bite the inthide of my own cheek? Does she think I'm that thtupid?

After an embarrassingly dribbly sort of lunch and with three bites to the inside of my cheek, one on the side that wasn't even numb, I tottered back for the second half.

Another two hours for the right side and I was done. Four hours all up with a total of sixteen injections, eight of which sort of worked and eight of which didn't, and three major self inflicted bite injuries that could quite possibly require plastic surgery.

Driving home, dribbling uncontrollably, I became convinced my mouth and surrounding area would never work properly again. But through the evening feeling did gradually come back and there was amazingly little pain, although my mouth did feel weirdly like it now had twice the number of teeth I had started the day with.

Is that it? You kidding? Five more goes; one to check measurements to confirm my gums are better, {Sounds like the old needly thingy again doesn't it?} then two fillings and two crowns. So much to look forward to.

Quote - Rodney Dangerfield;

"I told my dentist my teeth were going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie."

And Then There Was My Little House Of.............

I've just eaten a full pot of J & B's vanilla ice cream with chocolate chip cookie dough mixed into it. Do I feel good or wot!!

The security farce is still going strong although not as hysterical as that first time. But here's the strange thing; as I said before you still aren't allowed to take liquids through security and this is true for Amsterdam if you're heading for the UK as well as leaving the UK. Now, I got an upgrade to business class on the way home and one of the little perks with KLM business class is the ritual presentation, at the end of the flight, of a small pot replica Dutch house. This little house is filled with Dutch gin I believe although I have never opened any of the half dozen I have accumulated over the years.

As I am not allowed to travel with cabin load I had only my pockets left to carry my little house. After three hours waiting in Amsterdam and with my energy level and mental abilities draining by the second I completely forgot about my little house as I made my way to security to get my flight to Humberside. Prior to passing through the X-ray I removed my jacket and placed it in the provided tray for X-ray. The security guy checked the pockets before shoving it through the X-ray machine and, lo and behold, came up with my little house. After giving my little house a good shake he reminded me that my little house contained liquid and I was left with no option but to admit my guilt at forgetting my little house and the liquid it contained and apologized profusely. To no avail. I was lectured, reprimanded and basically treated like the advance guard of some rabid terrorist group on it's grand invasion of England for what seemed like hours, but in fact lasted about two minutes. Max. Possibly less. More like one minute. Just.

And the final outcome? The security guard took my little house, put it in a clear zip lock plastic bag, gave it back to me and wished me a pleasant flight.

Below are two photographs of my little house, one showing my little house that is, apparently, a threat to the 'free World' and one showing my little house totally safe, wrapped in clear, and obviously blast proof plastic. Does any of this make any sense at all to anyone?

And so I went to the dentist. Easy to find these days aren't they? During last trip I found myself suffering a little tooth ache in a tooth at the top, right at the back. On getting home I found a dentist after about a week on the phone, and made an appointment. That alone cost 49 Pounds to guard against a no show. At the appointed time, and after a very quick examination the dentist informed me of the recommendations; a trip to the dental health expert, a good clean, X-rays and then a course of treatment would be formulated. The cost for this? 150 Pounds. But let's be fare, they deducted my no-show deposit.

I rolled up for the cleaning and this took ten minutes, the X-ray took a further two minutes and the result was, on their recommendation, to buy an electric tooth brush, "We sell them at the desk and they're cheaper than at Boots." and make appointments for my next leave to have my gums disinfected. The dentist seemed to take great delight in explaining how this disinfecting entails inserting, I think she, for it was a her, meant pushing, needles into my gums round all my teeth to a depth of 2 to 4 mm. "Would you like a numbing injection when we do that?"
"Oh, I don't know; let me think about that...."
Are they nuts? They have to ask?

The cost for this, including the tooth brush, 690 Pounds. Toothache is starting to seem like a reasonable alternative. I must say though that the electric tooth brush is pretty cool once you get the hang of it and use it in a way that stops the damn thing vibrating off your teeth. It's pre-programmed for two minutes, and that seems endless when the foam's flying!!

Next time;
And then the wind came......
And then I went for a new mobile phone...................


Johnny Carson;

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."