26 Jan 2007

And Then There Was My Little House Of.............

I've just eaten a full pot of J & B's vanilla ice cream with chocolate chip cookie dough mixed into it. Do I feel good or wot!!

The security farce is still going strong although not as hysterical as that first time. But here's the strange thing; as I said before you still aren't allowed to take liquids through security and this is true for Amsterdam if you're heading for the UK as well as leaving the UK. Now, I got an upgrade to business class on the way home and one of the little perks with KLM business class is the ritual presentation, at the end of the flight, of a small pot replica Dutch house. This little house is filled with Dutch gin I believe although I have never opened any of the half dozen I have accumulated over the years.

As I am not allowed to travel with cabin load I had only my pockets left to carry my little house. After three hours waiting in Amsterdam and with my energy level and mental abilities draining by the second I completely forgot about my little house as I made my way to security to get my flight to Humberside. Prior to passing through the X-ray I removed my jacket and placed it in the provided tray for X-ray. The security guy checked the pockets before shoving it through the X-ray machine and, lo and behold, came up with my little house. After giving my little house a good shake he reminded me that my little house contained liquid and I was left with no option but to admit my guilt at forgetting my little house and the liquid it contained and apologized profusely. To no avail. I was lectured, reprimanded and basically treated like the advance guard of some rabid terrorist group on it's grand invasion of England for what seemed like hours, but in fact lasted about two minutes. Max. Possibly less. More like one minute. Just.

And the final outcome? The security guard took my little house, put it in a clear zip lock plastic bag, gave it back to me and wished me a pleasant flight.

Below are two photographs of my little house, one showing my little house that is, apparently, a threat to the 'free World' and one showing my little house totally safe, wrapped in clear, and obviously blast proof plastic. Does any of this make any sense at all to anyone?

And so I went to the dentist. Easy to find these days aren't they? During last trip I found myself suffering a little tooth ache in a tooth at the top, right at the back. On getting home I found a dentist after about a week on the phone, and made an appointment. That alone cost 49 Pounds to guard against a no show. At the appointed time, and after a very quick examination the dentist informed me of the recommendations; a trip to the dental health expert, a good clean, X-rays and then a course of treatment would be formulated. The cost for this? 150 Pounds. But let's be fare, they deducted my no-show deposit.

I rolled up for the cleaning and this took ten minutes, the X-ray took a further two minutes and the result was, on their recommendation, to buy an electric tooth brush, "We sell them at the desk and they're cheaper than at Boots." and make appointments for my next leave to have my gums disinfected. The dentist seemed to take great delight in explaining how this disinfecting entails inserting, I think she, for it was a her, meant pushing, needles into my gums round all my teeth to a depth of 2 to 4 mm. "Would you like a numbing injection when we do that?"
"Oh, I don't know; let me think about that...."
Are they nuts? They have to ask?

The cost for this, including the tooth brush, 690 Pounds. Toothache is starting to seem like a reasonable alternative. I must say though that the electric tooth brush is pretty cool once you get the hang of it and use it in a way that stops the damn thing vibrating off your teeth. It's pre-programmed for two minutes, and that seems endless when the foam's flying!!

Next time;
And then the wind came......
And then I went for a new mobile phone...................

Johnny Carson;

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

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