21 Jul 2017

And Then, App-Speak...

First up, when I turn on my ‘puter of a morning, my bit o’ the Net it starts with is Google News. Recently, Google have given it wot they call a re-vamp. This re-vamp has, for me, killed a perfectly usable gateway for an easily browsed quick-fix for UK and world news. Upon searching for a way to return to, what us Google News users now call the classic view, it seems there’s no way back. Yet. During my search it also became apparent that I’m not alone in looking for  a bit o’ backwards progress.

Talking of that, in amongst the Google News headlines this morning was the techno babble beauty below. As they say, there’s an App for that. 
   London-based transport app Citymapper has announced its next product: A social hyper-local multi-passenger pooled vehicle. Using  “geo-matching technology” to route vehicles in a way which optimizes boarding while minimising waiting times, the firm hopes to enable efficient ETAs for passengers with varied demographics.
Helpfully, the firm has also provided a translation of its Silicon Valley-speak: it’s a bus...

Is that just the App developers having a giraffe? If so, it’s a beauty. If not, we really are doomed.

In other news, I saw the clip showing that poor Diane Abbott being interviewed and, yet again, struggling with that stuff to do with numbers. The bit wot I’ve copied and pasted below was lurking way down in the comments.
Diane Abbott was asked if she’d studied Algebra at school.
"No", she replied "I never had any intention of traveling there."

Quote;  Johnny Depp.

“The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts; 11 injured'. That kind of thing.”

18 Jul 2017

And Then It Rolls On...

Right, I give up. I bet you thought the ‘banning’ of the use of ladies and gentlemen was something thought up by the lunatic fringe, they’d got wot they wanted and they’d finally flounced off stage right, right? Sadly, but not entirely surprisingly, they’re back for another slice.

While drinking my first coffee this AM and scanning the news, it seems the insane have got the taste for winning and are at it again. The head hurting headline runs like this:
Advertising Standards to get tough on gender stereotypes.
Read the clip below for a taster then, if you dare, click above to read the whole sorry story and try not to dissolve into fits of hysterics. Or despondency.

   The review suggested that new standards should consider whether the stereotypes shown would "reinforce assumptions that adversely limit how people see themselves and how others see them.”
   Portrayals which reinforce outdated and stereotypical views on gender roles in society can play their part in driving unfair outcomes for people," said chief executive of the ASA, Guy Parker.
   While advertising is only one of many factors that contribute to unequal gender outcomes, tougher advertising standards can play an important role in tackling inequalities and improving outcomes for individuals, the economy and society as a whole.

And what the hell does any of that even mean? Is nothing to be left untainted by these utter nutters? Man, it must be sad to see the world and life through their eyes. Why can’t these ‘equality’, or whatever, folk just accept wot they are, wot they’ve got and just enjoy their lives and let the rest of us enjoy our ride through life as well? Please, stop chasing shadows; just enjoy the ride. Trust me, all you young, ‘It’s all about me, me, me!’ folk, it’s not a long ride.

Then I remembered a TV interview from last night with the ‘journalist’ interviewing a lady regarding that other hyper expensive boon-dongle, HS2. The interviewer, talking to the lady, stated, “Your husband’s a farmer...” and continued, for those unfamiliar with the word ‘farmer’, “...who works on a farm.” 
The lady later said, “It’s disgusting the way we’ve been tret.”  Say what now? Tret? Is that even a word? Yes, indeed it is;   An allowance of extra weight made to purchasers of certain goods to compensate for waste during transportation. Well, that doesn’t work does it? How about the Yorkshire slang angle?
To have treated yourself.  Does that fit? Nope, not really. ‘Tret’? ‘Treated’ would’ve worked just fine. And the ladies job is? Yup, a primary school teacher...

See? It all starts to fall into place but I’m going to give it all no never mind as I’m throwing in the towel and desperately looking for a phone number I can call so I can  offer up my unconditional surrender. As I stated at the beginning of this piece, up is wot I be giving.

Quote;  Hans Christian Andersen.

“Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.”

17 Jul 2017

And Then He’s Free...

I woke this morning, always a plus, meandered down the stairs, fired up the coffee maker and opened the kitchen door to the outside world to allow the air used yesterday to be replaced with new a intake for today.

As I turned back to the coffee maker I spotted a not overly small spider who also appeared to be having an early morning meander. Dose he want a coffee?

Wot to do? Stamp on him or scoop him up and liberate him in the garden? The scooping option would entail bending down which is always something to avoid when you get to an age, and as my head was just normalising after pulling on my socks, the stamping option seemed good.

Hang on a foot flouncing moment. Stamping would mean bending down to clean up and I guess he’s got as much right to be hear as I have, I went into scooping mode which, with the promise of fresh coffee as a reward, went dizzyingly well. This was aided by the spider just walking onto my proffered palm in that trusting way only old dogs and spiders exhibit.

After carefully and cleverly closing my hand over the guy, I walked down the garden and liberated him amongst some pleasant foliage and headed back to get my first caffeine hit of the day.

It was then I thought that the spider may well be a house fellow, him being in the house an’ all, and thus not best suited to suddenly finding himself in a jungle. With this in mind, I quickly closed the outside door so’s he couldn’t get back in the house.

Later, whilst sipping caffeine hit two, I gave this some further thought. What had I just done? I’d actually closed a door so a spider couldn’t get back in the house? I’d actually done that? Am I nuts? For those of you struggling to think of the answer to that question, the word you’re looking for is three letters and starts with a ‘Y’ and as it’s a stand alone word needing no further qualifying, use a big ‘Y’ and not one where the tail hangs down below the line.

After completing caffeine intake number two – or was that three? - I silently gazed out the window and wondered wot further adventures the day would proffer. Man, who knew this retirement  thingy was going to be so exciting?

Quote;  Dave Barry.

“Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.”

15 Jul 2017

And Then It Dies...

What’s dead then? It’s a bit o’ kit wot I thought was super smart, state of the art high tech up to a couple of days ago. And that kit would be something I got longer ago than I thought but still not in distant history. Yup, the combined landline and VOIP phone I got so’s my little nest of vipers could stay in contact with friends and family over there using that Skype lookin’ thingy to call far away phones for buttons without the need to turn on the computer.

Anyhoo, as good as it’s been, a few days ago, without any announcement, him thing big talky went to sleep. Okay, not strictly true; it just wouldn’t stay connected, just continually online – offline.

I went through the full fix-it faffing about stuff that you do; you know, on/off, pull cables and poke ‘em back in, try different ports on the router, a sharp whack with a lump-hammer and as a final resort, a full reset. Nothing changed.

As a very last resort I phoned the IP provider and got a young buck on their help desk and this was when the passage of time and the advance of age all caught up with me.

I explained my problem from start to present and enquired if he could think of anything I could try that I’d missed. I finally managed to put my mouth on ‘pause’ to give the poor kid a chance to respond. Wot responce did I get? “You’ve got a landline phone that does what now?” 
I repeated the VOIP angle again and that’s when a penny dropped at both ends of the line. I got the telephone before the major onset of smartphones and I also realised the young fellow was struggling with the concept of a time before smartphones. He said that Skype is now used primarily on smartphones  - if at all as it seems it’s lost ground to such stuff as FacePalm an’ Totter an’ similar. As for ‘high tech’ desk phones...

After further investigation and a few pings, it seems the dual phone base station, best described as a mini router, is fried and confused. Nothing lasts forever, eh? It’s done good and paid for itself many, many times over and some.

Yup, these phones are still out there but, after a little investigation, it would appear they’re no longer supported and possibly not even made now so I didn’t like the idea of buying another set.

What to do as her indoors won’t entertain the thought of a smartphone and refuses to be parted from her old clamshell phone that’s just a phone and a phone alone.

That’s when another penny dropped. There’s my first step, ‘early an’ old’, smartphone in the draw. It still has a SIM card inside but it’s not active or registered to any provider so the phone bit’s dead. However, I wondered if it would connect to the house WiFi so I dug it out and gave it a go. Damn!! Connect it did. Now wot? I know, see if it’ll download Skype and haul her indoors contact list over. Damn!!  Done in moments. Now for the big one. Give it a test by calling me. Whoa! We have contact...

Now that’s wot I call a result. We now have a stripped-down dedicated ‘call home’ Skype smartphone. {I thought it best to leave out the ET bit there.} Man, am I, like, an awesome, super cool, modern day technocrat or wot?

There’s also the added advantage of being able to pull two electrickery nibbling bits o’ kit from the sockets. Happy daze.

Quote;  Suli Breaks.

“I used to believe in freedom of speech until I had to pay my first phone bill.”