And Then, A Charge….

Are you the proud owner of a Nexus 7 tablet like wot I be?  If so, at some time, you may run into a problem I encountered last week. Charging.

The little beast, from new ‘till one day last week, would charge, using the mains charger,  from zero to hero in a tad over two hours. Suddenly, through forces not yet understood, it started taking close to twenty hours.  Bummer eh?

The Web-a-Net revealed many folk experiencing the same problem with only a few solutions none of which worked for me.

As a last resort I resorted to, ‘You could always try this’ Number 24.  This entailed removing the back, disconnecting the battery and, after thirty seconds, reconnect and stand back in amazement at the charge speed improvement.

Guessing at the fragility of the internals of this little guy, and noting there’s only room to get a fingernail round the back of the back to ease it off, I approached the removal with great patience and extreme caution.

After thirty seconds, with patience exhausted and caution thrown to the wind, I managed to remove the lid, roughneck style, with the help of my usual ‘delicacy required’ tools comprising of the usual small pinch-bar and a lump hammer.

I then pulled out the battery connector, let time pass then reconnected. I then replaced the back which took quite some time as it now resembles an incredibly complicated jigsaw puzzle.

The charging result? No change and, looking at the back, I’m guessing another warranty voided.

As that was a last resort, I decided to try an absolute last resort and I can’t stress strongly enough the extreme technicality of this last of all last resorts!!

I plugged the charger into the tablet, switched on the mains, pulled the lead out of the tablet, rammed it back in, pulled it out again, rammed it back in again, shook it all about and waited.  Guess what? It’s now charging in about three hours, zero to hero.  okay, not what it was but a whole hell of a lot better than waiting a week.

So there you go.  And why is it, and we never learn, that the least complicated, last idea we try almost always works?

Finally, for Friday, a little bit of Yee Haw I stumbled over to cheer you into the weekend. From that TV soap thingy Emmerdale, it says.  No idea, but it do say so.

Quote;  Douglas Adams.

“The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.”

And Then A Dig….

As Big Shiny put in a surprise showing today we, again, proceeded to the garden for that tidying up game.

“This bush. Cut him down and dig out loots?” my little nest of vipers ventured.
”Loots?  Roots.  Why?”  I enquired, worriedly.
”It be dead.” she said.
I couldn’t dispute this observation but, sensing work ahead as opposed to a sedentary garden potter, I attempted to head her idea off at the pass.
”And? So we – sorry – I exert myself cutting and digging and shaking and, more than likely, damaging my body and then what?  We – sorry – you put in something new which, in time, will also die and we’ll be back where we be this very daytime moment. Looking at a dead bush.”
”So you going to cut him down and dig out loots then.”
”Roots. Suppose so.” Damn!

And that’s how I spent my day, communing with nature. Nature in the form of worms, spiders, wood lice, green fly an’ some stuff I’ve no idea what it my have been. All I can say is they sure had a lot o’ legs.

On the plus side I did manage to damage my body so made an unscheduled blood sacrifice to mother earth. Her indoors assures me that the loss of a finger, only one finger, doesn’t detract from my suave, debonair demeanour.  Actually, she said she didn’t feel nothing.

What type of bush was the bush?  Other than dead I’ve no idea but, to impress you with my garden knowledge, I can categorically state it wasn’t a rose or a daffodil.

Quote;  Doug Larson.

“A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”

And Then It Looks Like Black….

After a couple of days in the company of Google and HTML code of varying levels of complexity, it looks like the drop down menu will, for now, have a fixed text size and be in black.  Nothing worked for me I’m afraid. 

Does this mean I’ve thrown the towel in?  Not at all, but I need a break from it so black it is for now.  Hay, it worked for Mr Ford!

Coincidentally with  the HTML problems, for the past couple of nights and days, I’ve had severe chest pains.  This, at my age, can cause alarm and so I did what I always advise against – searched the symptoms on the Web.

No matter how I adjusted the search criteria, looking for the best, reassuring result, it persisted in presenting an answer which was a tad alarming.  I may have an alien infestation. An alien infestation?  How can that be?  I’ve never even been into outer space or, to put it another way, out into space.

The prospect of having some sort of alien dude festooned with fangs protruding from a dribbly mouth ripping itself out through my chest with long, bony, pointy tipped limbs kind o’ ruined my days.

What to do?  A rummage in the medicine draw drew an almost perfect blank.  Just the one little tablet lookin’ thingy left.  This pill I did take and, within the hour, much to my surprise and delight, it seemed the alien infestation had been dispelled. I rummaged in the rubbish to make a note of the name of the tablet responsible for the unexpected eradication of my alien. Just in case of reoccurrence, you understand.

The tablet? An indigestion and heart-burn tablet.

 

So there you go, if you ever feel you may be the victim of alien infestation, don’t panic. It’s a simple remedy. It’s always the simple remedy those pesky aliens are never prepared for, right Mr Cameron?  

Quote;  Franklin D. Roosevelt.

“Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.”

And Then, Confused I Be….

Although I admit to being as dumb as a sack o’ hammers when it comes to politics, the more I listen to Dave and George the more even I get confused.  This isn’t helped by our media interviewers one iota.  

Dave says he’s going to get some stuff back from the EU then we can have a vote on how well he’s done. Okay, we know this will never happen, but not one interviewer ever asks what stuff he’s going to ask if we can have back.  For all we know it may just be that pen he left over there at the last meeting – that budget one where he came back declaring that the good kicking he got was, in fact, a resounding victory.

Also, George and Dave are very cross with some big multinationals doing business here and paying minimum tax.  Again, most of us would say well done them big companies and our thieves should learn to be content with all the tax paid by all the local folk those outfits employ.

However, despite being cross they’ve announced substantial tax breaks and various other incentives to some guys if they’ll come here to make the next Star Wars movie.  What’s that all about boys? Who be good and who be bad?  Who be having the force with them then?

Seeing the mess Dave’s making of all he touches, let’s remember his early, not widely publicised, school days.  Progress, it seems, has been minimal.

Quote;  H. L. Mencken.

“There are two kinds of Europeans: The smart ones, and those who stayed behind.”

And Then It Dropped….

There you go then.  So far, so what?  See what I’m talking about?  Over the left-hand side?  See ‘Stuff You May Like’?  You see that?  It’s in a drop down menu!!

It took a while and I did actually have to modify some of the code I found, thanks to Google. Well, not Google, the guy who put it together and made it available to one and all via a search by Google. Thanks to him. 

Anyhoo, after a little modifying what you see is what I got.  I’m guessing you’re impressed.  I’m also guessing you feel I need to get out more.

I had to drop, pun, a few links as, despite them working for a few days, they became, ‘unavailable in your country.’  It's kind o' obvious the links may well have worked where you are but, what the hay, they be gone.

Change the text colour in the drop-down next?  And possibly the size?  No end to it is there? Coding, coding, coding.

That HTML stuff, or, as we experts call it, HTML, isn’t that much different from that programming of old, Basic.  Remember Basic?  I couldn’t do that either….

Quote;  Viggo Mortensen.

“There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there's no excuse for boredom, ever.”

And Then My Feathered Friends….

If you get bored with wot's below bob over here and read the piece by Mr Lilley who may well become my new bestest pretend friend.

Now I'll humbly continue. 

With the weather being seasonably warm these past slack hand-full of days, it’s been almost a full time job, in my capacity as a modern day St Francis On-a-Seesaw, keeping the miniature garden water feature topped up as my little, and not so little, feathered friends have been taking full advantage of it to shower and slake their thirst.

Shower and drink?  Drink after all those other guys have bathed in there?  I’ve tried it, accidentally, and don’t recommend it at all.  My bath, by the way, not the bird bath.  You’d have to be pretty parched to drink from a bird bath……

Anyhoo, that clicked something way at the back of the brain which goes something like this;  {Did I mention it’s an old one?  I did, diddle I?}

Once upon a time a young couple had a baby of the boy type. The baby, boy type, once crawlingly mobile, liked nothing better than exploring in the garden.  Once walking, the mummy and daddy couldn’t help but notice the little lads liking for the bird bath as he always made a bee line for it.

With the rapid improvement in the baby boys mobility and climbing skills, the parents, one day, saw he’d climbed into the bird bath and, much to their amusement, was happily splash about with the birds.

The parents amusement slowly turned to worry as time passed and the boy persisted in spending his outdoor time with the birds in the bath.  So worried did the folks become they finally decided to seek the advice of a psychiatrist.

They explained the situation to the psychiatrist who weighed up the information and then gave his 'expert' advice.
"Do you have a garden shed?" enquired the trick-cyclist.
"That we do." answered daddy.
"Well, I think what you should do, over a period of time, is move the bird bath a little closer to the shed each evening when the little fellow's in bed.  Finally, move the bath into the shed. The little guy, seeing the bird bath has gone, may fret for a few days but will then start to find other, more normal, little boy stuff to do."

Following the trick-cyclists advice, this they did, and after three weeks re-visited the trick-cyclist to communicate the results.

"Did you follow the plan as laid-out last visit?"
"That we did." said dad.
"And how did the little chap react when he saw the bird bath had gone?"
"He flew away." 

Quote;  Ambrose Bierce.

Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

And Then, Fourth Floor Please….

Bank holiday? Sama-sama here but for your, hopefully, relax-full evening, try the link way down below. It has to be a link as it’s another of those, ‘No embedderating on my watch buddy!’ places.  Have faith, you’ll enjoy it.  

Come on, what’s to loose?  One less ‘click’ cycle of your mouse button?  One more carpel tunnel syndrome inducing finger tip tap?  Well, all Foggy can say is the music at the end of the clicky/tappy process is more than worth the risks. 

A lot of you may already be familiar with this number as it was released, as a single, in November 1989. It is, as you’ll also know, from the soundtrack of the Dutch movie ‘De Kassière’.

May I humbly point you towards a relaxing few moments with  Lily Was Here. 

Did you click it? Did it open in a full browser window? Isn’t that, like, awesome?  Smooth sound eh?

Quote;  Jarod Kintz.

“When I hear Jazz, my first instinct is to lean over to the guy next to me and whisper, "Fourth floor, please.”

And Then, A Demonstration….

So there I wuz, watching the telly-tube, as you do, when the advertisements came on, as they do.

I was riveted by an advert for a cure for toe nail fungal infection.  This fungi, the advert helpfully told me, can be unsightly for ladies.  I can imagine this to be so, especially if wearing sandals.  However, if you wear sandals and smoke a pipe, then I also imagine the pipe would detract from your fungal infested toe nails.  But that’s another story.

What grabbed my attention, immediately after the application of their cream to a fungi nail, was the little animation of a bunch of blue jellybean boys busily pushing the fungal lookin’ stuff off the nail.

And?  And then my attention was doubly grabbed when I took in the words, bottom left, of the animation/cartoon.  {Screen grabbing shot below.}  Oh, sorry, almost forgot the words.  The words wot was written there where,  ‘Demonstration only’.

Is this where we’re at?  Someone, somewhere decided we’d better be told that a cartoon of a bunch of blue jellybean boys is for ‘Demonstration only’?  Are there really folk out there who would see this advert and, without those words, buy some and later complain ‘cos there weren’t  any little blue jellybean boys in their tube?  

Can you imagine the rejoinder from the shop? “Let’s see your tube. Ah, here’s your problem. See there? You’ve squeezed the tube too hard and squashed the little guys. Sorry, no refund.”  I shacks ma heed. I really do.

Please feel free to click on the image – I believe it gets smaller.

Quote;  Kenneth Koch.

“Certainly, it seems true enough that there's a good deal of irony in the world... I mean, if you live in a world full of politicians and advertising, there's obviously a lot of deception.”

And Then, A Result….

Election results today and, I have to confess, by mid morning I’d had all the, “Well, I think……” I could take.  In fact I counted 450 of ‘em early doors.  Just in the weather report…..

Yo! Dave! How’s them fruitcakes, clowns* and closet-racers working out for you now? What’s a closet-racer by the way?  Oh, here we go; “Well look, it’s no good insulting a political party that people have chosen to vote for.”  

When nursey wakes you up after your afternoon nap, before you tuck into your boiled egg and toasty soldiers, you may spot a problem with that statement.  See the snag yet Dave?  Yup, you already did done gone and said it.  Remember?  You understand now how many folk you managed to insult you rascal?  No?  Hay, ho. 

By the by, what’s this protest vote the main parties keep talking about?  If that party has those ideas and this party has these ideas and you, as a voter, prefer these ideas of this party over those ideas of that party, you’ll vote for this not that, right?  That’s voting for what you’d like, right?  Where’s the ‘protest’ in that then?

*Okay, okay. It was some other old dude who used the ‘clown’ word.

Quote;  George Eliot.

“An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.”

And Then, Funny Like A Clown….

Dear Mr Kenny Clarke, 

I was initially saddened to here you referee to a quite substantial number of the population of these isles as clowns. 

Having reflected on your comments for a couple of days I’m now inclined to believe that, at one and the same time, you’ve hit the nail on the head and also let the cat out of the bag. 

It’s true! We are clowns and caged things; just performers in a vast circus of you and your ilk’s construct, here to amuse you while being robbed, led by a procession of mentally deranged  Ring Masters.  At the crack of their whip, we do your bidding. 

However, I feel that you letting slip the fact that so many of us are clowns may well have presented these same clowns with one of those, ‘Wait a minute!!’  moments. 

Please check this chaps response to your comments Ken. Although he's not quite as eloquent as yourself, probably some sort of educational divide, he does get the message across quite well don’t you think? And you know what?  He's not alone.

Be careful Kenny, the invisible bars of our cages may just be starting to melt away.

FOGGY NAUGHTY WORD WARNING!!  Last chance to move on.

Quote;  Mark Twain. 

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

And Then It Came Down Tan….

I’ve been so absorbed with the workings of the left-hand side, a collapsible list would be good, and the travails involved therein, I forgot to mention a strangeness that strangely occurred the other day in a strange sort of way. 

It was a fine day as fine days go and, as fine days go, it quickly went but, beginningly,  sunshine was shining so a foray into the garden was planned to do a bit of tidying up.  Whatever that means.  What is it with women and tidying the garden?  If it’s growing surely that’s a bonus.  Who cares what it is?  If it’s not, what’s to do?

Upon sallying forth, or George the fifth, Big Shiny immediately dived behind a big black cloud.  Then, much to my surprise, it being the end of April an’ all and global warming running rampant, it hailed.

To confirm this was indeed hail and not a simultaneous multi-bird strike, I caught some in my hand.  Hail it was.  But this is where it gets scary and strange so if you’re a Timidadian and averse to scary strangeness, look away now. 

All looking away?  Okay, this is the strangeness. The hail was a kind o’ light tan colour.  A frozen multi-bird strike?  No. No birds above.  Acid hail?  No idea but, to date, I have no burn holes in my hands. Did it smell?  Not that I could detect.  Did it have a strange taste?  Not unduly, she said.  

Brown hail?  Is this new?  Are we doomed?  You ever seen brown hail?  You see where I put my blue pills?

Quote;    Helen Simonson.

“He cursed himself for having assumed the weather would be sunny. Perhaps it was the result of evolution, he thought -some adaptive gene that allowed the English to go on making blithe outdoor plans in the face of almost certain rain.”

 

               Dave Barry.

“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds, for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”

And Then The Big Picture….

Last night I donned my script kiddie T-shirt and fiddled a with that HTML stuff.  Yeah, I know. Recipe for disaster. As has already been said;  Any fool can use a computer.  Many do.

What I wanted to do was make the new links over left the way, those wot link to YouTube an’ such, kick off in full screen. Okay, that was pretty straight forward for a coder such as I, as all I had to do was remove a little bit of code and replace it with /V/.  Impressed?  Don’t be. It was Google wot told me.

Then I thought, why stop there?  Why not auto start as well?  So with that in mind I made a start without stopping.

Google kindly provided me with another bit o’ code. Forget ‘/v/’ and use ‘_popup’ without those little sticky-up thingies at the front and back. I edited a test link and, Robert’s your mothers brother, it worked, so I proceeded to edit all the links to the outside world.

Now this is where it got a tad irritating;  I’d edit a link, save the link, test the link with success. It would open in a full browser window and start to play.  Move on, repeat, success.  Move on, repeat – you get my drift.

With all links edited and individually tested I made my exit from my side of the mirror and excitedly clicked a link from your side of the mirror. Click, into full screen, cool. Damn!  No auto play.  Bummer.

Find alternative code, step back through the mirror and repeat all above with same success. Again leave my side, regroup your side, click and auto start stops working.

Please be advised I’m still fiddling with this minor irritant for no reason other than I’d prefer not to be beaten by a beige box. Again.

How come it works like a dream when I’m on the ‘me only’ lonely side of the mirror but when I pass back to this side where we could all play with it, it refuses to work?   I’ll continue my efforts but probably with rapidly diminishing determination.

STOP PRESS.  Hang on a mouse clicking moment! Typed this, went to site, clicked link; full screen and auto play!!  Why not last time?  Why now?  How now?  Who cares? Sit back and bask in the warm glow of success.  However it was achieved.

Hope it works for any passing random clickers.

Quote;  Rick Cook.

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.”