25 Oct 2016

And Then, A Little Listen...

Further to last nights post regarding Bone Me, I was in receipt of an E-mail this AM from an old friend who resides far, far, far away, relating to said post. Thanks M; nice one.
NOTE: The above ‘old’ relates to the longevity of our friendship and not to my friends age. A friend it seems like I’ve known for ever. Oh, wait a minute then...

He sent me a link that will, depending on how warped your sense of humour is, crack a smile even though the basic subject matter goes back a ways and was/is extremely sad. Sorry, you’re still going to smile...


Quote;  Robert Bloch.

“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”

24 Oct 2016

And Then, Forgotten Corners...

While cleaning out those bookmarks we keep making in our browsers, I did the clicky thingy on Bone Me and a quick look reminded me why I’d marked it. A collection of absolute gems. I’ve shamelessly copied the bit below which has been corrected over there to be Chinese and not Japanese.
The more observant of you will have noticed that, as well as copying the piece, I also pasted it. Oh, and the link above will take you to Women's English. Sorry ladies.
That's not right
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive
Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP
Kum Hia
Stupid Man
Dum Gai
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach
Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped the coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here
Wao So Dim
I Thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
Our meeting was rescheduled
Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Pu

And that, dear friends, reminded me of the classic regarding ordering breakfast via room service. Never gets old.

Quote;  Ambrose Bierce.

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

22 Oct 2016

And Then, An Aging Problem...

When the government announced the start of bringing child, male, refugees to the safety of the UK after their perilous journeys through many safe countries, and that the vetting process would be conducted by the Home Office, some Civil Serpents and various charities, it wasn’t until I saw photos of the first batch that I realised Age Concern UK where at the forefront of the vetting process.

A Civil Serpent, in a statement to the gullible, stated that the process will continue in an open manner as expected from a free, democratic country that has nothing to hide and thus must remain open to public scrutiny at all times. He further stated that the reason the blinds are down on the coaches and for the security screens at the reception area are purely so the children don’t get further traumatised by the possible sighting of someone smoking in the surrounding streets.


Quote;  Dr Seuss.

“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.”

19 Oct 2016

And Then A Dog Spot...

Further to the pet post I posted way back in early October this year, I awoke last night with eyes wide shut and a couple of lines spinning round my head relating to dogs.

I got up, me being down at time of the line spinning, and Google what little I could remember and, as expected these days, scored an impressive million or so hits.

It wasn’t ‘till much later I realised I’d posted it way back in early 2011 along with a nice poem relating to the Titanic.

Anyhoo, to save you all that clicking stuff, and as I have nothing new to type, here it is, a little rhyme that answers a very old question;

The doggies held a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motor cycle,
And some by motor car.
Each doggie passed the doorway,
Each doggie signed the book,
Each one unshipped his asshole
And hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited,
It sorely raised his ire.
He ran into the meeting hall
And loudly shouted, "Fire!"
It threw them in confusion
And without a second look
Each grabbed another's asshole
From off another hook.

And that's the reason why sir,
When walking down the street,
And that's the reason why sir,
When doggies chance to meet,
And that's the reason why sir,
On land, aboard or home,
They'll sniff each other's backside...
To see if it's their own.

Quote;  Ogden Nash.

“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”

18 Oct 2016

And Then, Another Movie Moan...

This is my last movie gripe. At least ‘till I spot another.

Good guy, or gal, herein after referred to as goodies, finally knock down the bad guy. However, rather than taking a moment to deliver the over-and-out blow, they choose to make a run for freedom. Queue much fumbling with door lock and handle with many looks over the shoulder at the slowly recovering baddie. Eventually door opens and goodie makes it out. Goodie gets to the road, for a city suburb setting, or a dirt track for a countryside setting, and takes off a-running and grimacing.

Bad guy, given ample time to fully recover during goodies door fumblingness, gets up, goes out and, quite reasonably, gets in car or truck to give chase. This is when good person glances over their shoulder and sees lights looming large - it’s always night - and bearing down on them.

What do the goodies do in view of this revelation? Yup, carry on running right down the absolute dead centre of the road or track with frequent frantic glances over shoulder but with nary a hint of a thought of diving down one of the many narrow ally-ways or rat-runs clearly visible to left or right or, if on a track, diving into the trees and thick undergrowth that always lines both sides of a track chase scene.

The climax to these ‘chases’ varies very little and invariably involves one of - and occasionally all of - the following; a gas station, a diner, a convenience store or an isolated farmhouse.

The film folk will tell you that there’d be no excitement if the goodie did, indeed, veer left or right towards relative safety. However, for a lot of us, any excitement we may have had, I say again, may have had, had quickly evaporated with the observed rapid rise in the stupidity factor of the goody noted since scene one.

Moan and chase over; I’m breathless but safe behind the sofa.

Quote;  Alfred Hitchcock.

“Give them pleasure. The same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.”

16 Oct 2016

And Then, I Was Down...

My internet provider seemed to cease providing internet access Saturday early evening. How is it that stuff like this always seems to happen after doing something on-line that would appear to be totally innocuous? This time was no exception.

I found an E-mail in PopPeeper from some on-line magazine thingy. I opened it on the server, paged down and found the ‘unsubscribe’ link. This I did click upon and it took me to a blank browser page which,  eventually, informed me I’d been unsubscribed. I left that browser page for another and found Internet access was no more. Damn! What did that last link just break?

This is the point where I, and possibly you, start looking at the problem from the hard, time consuming end. Yup, do that stop and start stuff several times, trawl through all the router settings, trawl through Windows 10 settings. Nothing looked like it’d been changed. I even dug out an ‘old’ modem router and was ready to start pulling plugs when I had a thought.  I thought, no problem;  I know wot I’ll do, I’ll see if other folk are having problems. I’ll just fire up the ol’ brow... Oh. Right, I’ll phone their help line then. Now, what’s the number again? Hay, I can get it off the Int... Oh. Okay, I’ll send ‘em an E-mai... Damn.

I finally located the number on some old correspondence and gave ‘em a bell. A very nice lady voice informed me they were closed and would re-open at nine Monday morning and I was presently number one in a queue. This left me with a quandary; should I just leave the call open ‘till Monday, me being queue number one an’ all, or hang-up and call back at nine Monday and find I’m number two thousand in the queue? I guessed the all cost would be about the same by the time I got to talk to someone.

This was the moment, whilst debating the hang-on/hang-up question, that Mr Easy came like a bolt out of the blue and scored a perfect hit on this nut.

I have a smartphone, right? The smartphone has that never used 4G thingy. Turn it on, fire up the little browser, search for Internet provider problems, cleverly using the name of my provider, and discovering they have problems, are down and frantically working on a solution. Actually, ‘frantically’ wasn’t a word they used.

See? One tap on 4G, one brows; thirty seconds tops; problem their end; problem for me resolved. Shut it all down and retire for the night. This AM all is back as it should be without the need to pull even one plug.

So there you go. As old and ‘old school’ as I profess to be and despite the fun I poke at the new ‘always on-line’ generation, I’m not shy to admit that through last evening I felt completely cut off and isolated from the world and all on my own and by myself.

The other dramatic downside with not having the Web-a-Net for an evening was that we were unable to record, for viewing again and again, Strictly Come X-Factor’s Got Talented Bake-Offs. We sobbed ourselves to sleep.

NOTE: Sunday evening I pressed ‘Publish’ and was informed there’s no Internet connection. Damn! Lasted just a tad over an hour this time.

Quote;  Dave Barry.

“’User’ is the word used by computer professionals when they mean “idiot.”