This morning I wended my way for a dental check-up. Not the deep cleaning I endured some time ago.
It was another lady one!! And, man, aren’t all these professional people so damn young nowadays? Isn’t it a fact that we’d all prefer to consult with someone older than ourselves so as to give us a feeling of security as we rely on their vast, accumulated knowledge, wisdom and experience? This isn’t easy once you reach an age and I quickly popped through that flimsy, permeable membrane that separates my world from the real world after considering the folly of having someone in their eighties rummaging around in my mouth; possibly with a laser drill.
“Morning. Please sit down. No, here. Right, how’s everything?”
”On the whole, pretty good. It’s just that my left knee’s started to…….. Waaaiit a minute!! This isn’t the Doctors!!”
”Sorry. Everything’s fine thanks.”
”Right. Good. Let’s take a look. Put these on.” and she handed me a pair of safety glasses. I gave her a look that said, you’re kidding, right? and said, “You’re kidding, right?”
She shrugged and rolled her eyes which seemed to indicate it was some sort of Health and Safety requirement. She said, “It’s a health and Safety requirement.”
I shook my head and donned the plastic glasses. I shook my head again and the glasses fell to the floor. I bent to pick them up, as did the young lady Dental Assistant, resulting in a banging of heads. The young lady Dental Assistant put them back on, shook her head, took them off and put them back on me – not too gently, indicating I should stop shaking my head. And definitely stop laughing.
After a brief poke about, there not being too much left to poke about, the young lady Dentist announced, “Everything looks okay. That is, the ones you have left look okay so I’ll just give them a polish. The few you have left that is.”
”Cool.” I replied in an attempt to sound young and cool.
Mere moments later the young lady Dentist announced,
“That’s it; all done. Just have a good rinse-out and, please, try not to spit on the floor.”
”So I do what then? Try to spit on the ceiling?”
”Wh…. Oh. That’s a joke, right?”
”Actually…. Yup, it is. Or was.” and eager to leave these young folk with my equally young fellow-well-met persona, I exclaimed excitedly, after running my tongue over my teeth, “ Oh, wow!! That is so, like, awesome!! They feel, like, so totally, like, awesomely clean!”
With their last barely audible words following me, “See you in six months. Oh, can we have our glasses and bib back please.” I left, closely followed by their last looks which seemed to say, ‘How sad is that guy then.’
Back in the car I devoured an exceedingly sweet, incredibly big chocolate bar and revelled in the knowledge I don’t have to brush my teeth again for at least five months.
Quote; Edmond Manning.
“Men often think submission indicates weakness, that letting someone else take charge betrays a character deficit. But we all submit to strangers who drill into our teeth as long as we can see the parchment on their wall which reads ‘Dentist.’”