29 Oct 2014

And Then A Scary Headline….

Sorry I can’t stay long as I have many something to do just now but I had to pop in and draw your attention to this scary headline from the Australian Daily Telegraph;
Britain's Tesco Criminally Probed”. I appreciate ‘every little helps’ but wouldn’t that just make your eyes water?  One can but hope that Tesco is recovering and planning appropriate counter-action.

Don’t know about you, but personally, I’d rather be investigated by the Serious Fraud Office than be criminally probed any day of the week.

Quote;  Jarod Kintz.

“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write in cursive and am endorsing checks for money I can’t recall earning.”

25 Oct 2014

And Then, A Gulping Sound….


It’s a rocky hard, collar tightening place you be in right now is it not Mr Cummerbund? Tell us, is it a con or isn’t it? If it’s not a con, did you know beforehand, like your bestest ever buddy, the money man, or didn’t you know? If you didn’t know, why didn’t you know?  Will you pay or won’t you pay? {For ‘you’ please read ‘we’.} Will you ‘negotiate’ a pre-arranged reduction and declare yourself a hero of ordinary, hardworking families?

The bit I liked? Pop over here and slide along to about 03:16. When I say, ‘slide along’, what I mean is move that slider lookin’ sucker on the video along thus missing the stuff about thcweaming and thcweaming ‘till he’s thick and listen to Dave do his Homer Simpson thingy when he says he’s not going to pay on 01 December, “………… and if people think I are…”. Yup, ‘I are’. It then, momentarily, unravels. Oh David, David, David. Thank you so very big.

Anyhoo, as all this money stuff was, allegedly, agreed by your minions and declared a done deal quite some time ago, may I suggest that when you go into the negotiations you should work it like thousands of your tax paying ‘bosses’ do when attempting to ‘negotiate’ with your revenue ‘collectors with menaces’. Sort of, “I just got a promotion for doing good and you want to take almost all of my rise?” And you know how that plays out and who wins, right? 

So learn from that, save yourself some time and grief and just go into the room, remain standing unless otherwise instructed and when asked state your name, age, the country you represent and calmly outline your problem then zip it.

Now this is the hard bit. Keep it zipped and listen! You’ll quickly realize, like we do daily, that you’re on a hiding to nothing so apologise profusely for wasting their time, agree to pay-up, confirm it’s enough, say bu-by, bend slightly from the waist  and reverentially back out of the room and that’ll be as bad as it’ll get.  Won’t it?

Quote;  Dorothy Allison.

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”

              Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

“Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale…”

23 Oct 2014

And Then, I Venture Back In Time….

There was a program on the radio this morning that involved, for whatever reason, the young  DJ playing numbers from 1969. His selection was pretty average but, considering the young buck DJ hadn’t been built back in the day, just what you’d expect.

Then, out of the blue, a forgotten track of class.

A couple of sad things accompanied this track. It was the one and only track in the show that the young buck DJ played and decided to talk over in its entirety. Despite that fact, it got my right foot just a tap-tap-tapping away uncontrollably and with great vigour as the years rolled away. This was a shame as my right foot was on the car accelerator peddle at the time and my little nest of vipers wasn’t best suited with being thrown backwards and forwards for three minutes.

When I checked the rear view mirror I also noted that, going on the erratic movements of the fellows cars following me, they were either all of a similar age and on the same radio channel, or, more likely, my cars erratic movements had them totally confused and alarmed.

Who cares.  For a few precious minutes I time travelled. 
Is that a good ‘take you backer’ or wot?

Quote;  Bob Marley.

“The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow.”

22 Oct 2014

And Then We Become Collectors….

So here we are, or at least I are, with two small stainless-steel colanders that require storage ‘till the third one gets broken so I’m looking at extremely long term storage for these ‘bargain’ items. In fact I may have to amend my will to indicate their whereabouts so future generations can pass them along.

We have a base cupboard unit in the kitchen, as you do, that’s in a corner and has one of those three decked twirly-whirly storage thingies inside so I thought right at the back far corner behind the twirly-whirly thingy would be as good a place as any to stick them. Far better than having them on display on the windowsill but less better than my favoured idea of sticking them, at dead of night, in the trash bin.

After clearing the lower deck of the twirly-whirly thingy, the better to get the two stainless-steel colanders into the back corner, my hand came into contact with something that felt vaguely familiar.

Upon withdrawing the item into the cold light of day, I wasn’t in the slightest bit surprised to find myself admiring a dusty, but otherwise pristine, small stainless-steel colander. How many years has he been hiding back there then?

Yeah, I know. I can hear you smiling. I’m quietly confident we’re now the leading collectors of stainless-steel colanders.

Whoa! Wait a silent second there! I can’t see anyone but can hear smiling? I can ‘hear’ you smiling? Did you hear me typing that?

{Note: Still no colander has been used at time of typing but one has been washed and placed, with others, into long-term storage.}

Quote;  Bill Bryson.

“Originally, the cellar served primarily as a coal store. Today it holds the boiler, idle suitcases, out-of-season sporting equipment, and many sealed cardboard boxes that are almost never opened but are always carefully transferred from house to house with every move in the belief that one day someone might want some baby clothes that have been kept in a box for twenty-five years.”

19 Oct 2014

And Then, Stone Me….

A little over a couple of weeks ago, we got the garden ready for winter. Remember? No? Not to worry. Anyhoo, the recent post relating to shopping triggered an explosion of neurons in my swede – okay a very low energy sort of ‘pop’.

Wot came after the small pop? The beginning of everything?Not quite, but with the shopping thingy an’ all the baskets and trollies involved I remembered that while doing the garden I found, with my left big toe, a large stone that looked like it’d been scratched on. I didn’t pay it any great attention and dumped it round by my multiple trash bins.

Today, Having had my mind popping moment which triggered a shopping trolley recollection, I went down behind the shed, where the multiple trash bins are hidden, to take another look at the chunk o’ rock.

The markings did look strangely familiar but I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I’m sure it’s of no consequence or import.

I did, however, take a photo of said stone before breaking it up with a heavy hammer and dumping the bits in a bag in a bin. {I may be going to gaol later in the week as it’s probably the wrong bin.}


Hay, it was just a stone with strange weathering marks, right? Whatever, it’s in bits in a bag in a bin now so we can all move on……

Okay, okay, It’s an old one but people who’ve been through the Mirror before will know that what it lacks in originality, it more than makes up for that lack with……. er, with….. I’ll get back to you on that one.

Quote;  Terry Pratchett.

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

             Robert Orben.

“In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.”

18 Oct 2014

And Then A Hobby….

My little nest of vipers has a new hobby. You’re probably thinking, good for her. Sadly, this hobby includes me and my ever thinning wallet as wot she gone and done is discover those pound stores. Okay so far as there truly is a bunch of stuff in there that’ll save you money but let me present an example of her hobby relating to a pound store.

Three days ago we were mooching round a pound store as we wanted ordinary household bleach but what she spotted was a stainless-steel, small sized colander.
”Look! Look! Only a pound and if you buy two you get another one free!!” With mounting excitement she placed three stainless-steel colanders in the shopping basket.
”We’ve got one.” was all I could muster at that moment.
”That’s a big one – this be small for small things.”
”Won’t small stuff fit in the big one then?” I asked, getting into the swing of things.
”Not as nice as it will fit in this small one. This will save water as well!” she countered.
”These small ones. The word is ‘These’ not ‘this’. You’re getting three. Oh, and see the holes? They let the water run through. Water doesn’t stay inside, remember?”
”Okay, theees small ones. ” said with a hint of uncertainty.
”That’s as close as it’s going to get I guess. Anyway, we need three? I mean, really, three? I’m betting a small city centre noodle eatery doesn’t have three small colanders – stainless-steel or plastic.”
”If I break one I will have spare ones.”
”You’re going to break a stainless-steel colander? I definitely need to be there when you manage that!  I know I’ll be wasting my time here, but why not just get one if having a small colander is suddenly so important?”
“Why, when If I get two I get a free one. What is problem?” She asked – puzzled.
”Well, the long term storage of two while waiting for you to break one springs to mind.” I replied with a smug smile. 
“I’ll throw the old big one away then.”
”The old one? Two points become semi-obvious to me. The big one, as old as he be, isn’t broken – and never will be by the way, and what happens when you need to colanderize something big?”
”You stupid? Who knows when big one may break. And If I have something big to put in, I will have two and one free small ones to spread it over.” An ear to ear grin accompanied this statement. I could have continued but by this time they were impatiently waiting to close the store.

Outwardly, I sighed resignedly as we and our stainless-steel colanders jangly jogged to the check-out. I was, however, smiling

Heading home with our bountiful collection of stainless-steel colanders, we realized that in ‘our’ three for two pounds excitement, we’d forgotten the bleach.

On the up-side{?} we are now the proud owners of three small and one large colanders, the large one which, through good design and only ever being used for its intended purpose, has survived, totally undamaged, for countless years.

Thus, she got her ‘bargain’. As, indeed, did I. For where-else could I get similar entertainment such as that for just two pounds?

At time of typing, no colanders have been used……

Quote; Kin Hubbard.

“Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.”