28 Jul 2015

And Then It's Cold….

We have a large frog stuck on the kitchen window… doesn't everyone? No? Okay, I'm betting I now have your attention. This large frog is plastic and is glued to the outside of the window by four suction caps he has in place of feet or hooves or flippers or whatever frogs have.

From outside looking in, it looks like a large plastic frog climbing up the window but if you look at him from inside looking out, you see his tummy has a thermometer. Now, how cleaver is that then?

Please understand this is not, by any possible stretch of the imagination, a scientific thermometer nor does it form part of a weather station. All it does is give us indoors a rough idea of how warm or cold it presently is outdoors. Having said that, I am helping the climate cause by recording my frog readings.

Things to consider are the amount of inside heat leaking through the double glazing affecting the reading. Also he's close to where the kettle boils which may account for the ten second spikes in temperature giving the highest reading for that hour. However, when a days data is programed into graph form, spikes an' all and after applying a complex, but totally phoney smoothing formula, the linear warming trend, out to two hundred years, is plain to see.

I intend to apply for a large government grant and, if successful, move on to the next stage of my work to prove, unequivocally, that global warming is not only real but is, indeed, accelerating. This study will involve bringing the frog inside and holding him, tummy down, over the kettle spout.

Frogs and boiling water rings a bell. I'll have a quick Google to ease the tension then do a web-a-net search to ensure I'm not treading in the spawn of some other fellows research.

Seriously, I came down on Sunday morning and the frog was showing a rather chilly, for summer, seven degrees C. By midday this had shot up to a roasty-toasty twelve degrees. Sadly, by late afternoon it was back down around eight degrees. This seems far removed from the predictions of all those climate scientists, professors, experts in climatology and leading figures in the field of stuff  does it not?

Quote;  Charles Bowden.

“Summertime is always the best of what might be.”

27 Jul 2015

And Then A Dig….

So where have I been? Nowhere. So what have I been doing? Digging and my favourite, a little light plumbing. So why did it take so long? Because I'm no longer a spring chicken is why.

Here's the scenario; water stop-tap below kitchen sink leaking a little water. What else would it leak? Project; remove stop-tap, re-new thread tape or install new tap, or as us plumbers call 'em, stopcocks. Straightforward sort o' job, right? Space is the problem under a sink and it would've been easy if I'd been eighteen inches tall with wrist muscles like Garth.

I have another stopcock halfway down the front path so I slowly worked out that by shutting that valve I could work slow and dry below the sink. However, upon lifting that little access lookin' thingy, I found the outside valve leaking quite dramatically. It did shut off so the inside job was completed with me whacking my head no more than six times. A record low for me when working in restricted areas.

But the outside tap? What to do? I did, indeed, call the water supply fellows. Guess wot? The pipework and valve are down to me as they're on my property. "But the water's yours before it hits my meter, right?" I politely queried.
"Yup, but the pipe and valve's yours." Said somewhat smugly.
"But it's still your water so it's your loss, right?"
"Crazy isn't it; and before you answer that, bu-by." Click

I could leave it leaking but all that water wouldn't be doing the sub-surface of my drum any improvements so I thought, I can fix that.

Short story long, I had to lift the path slabs and, having no Denso tape, cut an old towel into strips, soak them in grease and tightened them up round the leak with a Spanish windlass to hold the water back a bit while I bailed and dug a trench by way of the valve so I could get down close to do a wet valve replacement. There is another stopcock in the sidewalk but, on closer inspection I thought if I close that sucker the rest of the street's going to get a tad irritated without water for half a day. Half a day assuming stuff goes to plan.

Long story now getting shorter, I got it! I then supported the pipework with brick bats, slotted a length of pipe to fit over the pipe and reach surface to prevent in-fill over the valve, shovelled the ten tons of clay back in the trench… Okay, it was more like a ton, but you do get to an age when one of anything that needs lifting feels like ten of the same. I hired a whacker to firm the ground up as I back-filled and finally re-laid the paving slabs.

Apart from the digging out and filling in, it didn't take that long and most of my absence has just been me in recovery mode as I ached in places I'd forgotten I even had places. I have to say that while doing the wet connect, sitting in sodden clay and cold water, I thought to myself, 'Damn! I'm too old for this stuff.' Upon completion of the mission I thought to myself, 'Damn! That went pretty well.'

As it's Fri… Tuesday - and why does the 'e' we pronounce come after the 'u' we don't, here's a little music;  'Just Can't Get Enough'. A bit like me and work I guess. Can you see that lump in my cheek from way over there? That's my tongue.

Quote;  Marya Mannes.

"Lie down and listen to the crabgrass grow, the faucet leak, and learn to leave them so."

21 Jul 2015

And Then, A Break….

Missed me?  No need to answer that. I've been missing for a few days now and I thought I'd better pop in and let you know I'm fine but I'm going to be missing for a few more days as I have very many something to do and some places to go to too.

Just help yourself to anything you see lying around here and enjoy the music and humour down the left-hand side and I'll let you know when I'm back by, oh, I don't know, posting something new here? That'll work I guess.

For now though, bu-by.

Quote;  Elbert Hubbard.

“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”

19 Jul 2015

And Then A TV Idea….

Even if you only watch thirty minutes of TV a day, you can't help but have noticed TV seems to be predominately made up of cooking all over the world – hold that thought - cooking everything from barbeques right through to baking, and quiz shows. Then they repeat all these shows featuring totally unknown, at least to me, celebrities. We then have shows featuring these celebrities having to pretend to survive some place or get out of some stuff.

This Sunday morning, with the rain battering the window, I noted the imminent start of the fourth cooking program and had a thought. Then I thought a little more and thought that this idea could be a winner on several levels.

Let's combine all those junky shows into one show; a show stopper. We'll start the program with twelve unknown celebrities taking part in a quick-fire general knowledge quiz. The four left standing go home. The eight remaining losers get landed on an island and need to find the safe haven and thus get off the island using just their wits.

So? So, meantime, four members of the local island tribe will prepare for their task. So? So, their task is to track down four of the eight minor celebrities catch 'em and take 'em back to their village. So? So, and here-in lies the kicker, the local tribe are cannibals…

Once the four young cannibals have caught a celebrity each and got 'em back to the village, they'll slice and dice the four minor celebrities, cook 'em, garnish 'em and plate 'em up ready to be tasted and judged by two of the villages leading five-star gourmet cannibal cooks. The fine young cannibal cook who serves up the tastiest celebrity enriched dish will go through to next weeks show.

It would have everything you need for good TV; a quiz to join in with at home, survival in a hostile environment, fending for themselves, the natural world, the thrill of the chase, the art of butchery and finally, cooking taken to a whole hell of a new level. {Possibly not for airing before the oh-twenty-one hundred hours o'clock PM watershed.}

Win, win. A quiz, adventure and we're taught how to prepare emergency nose-bag for when food becomes scares owing to the land being concreted over and built on with the remainder being infested with windmills. At the same time, we'd also be slowly reduce the number of unknown celebrities that clutter up the TV feasting on the public purse and have a riveting, ratings topping TV show to boot.

I would've thought it could be right up the BBC's street given its present state of self flagellation while attempting to convince one and all it's the bestest thing ever and needs much more money, and not a penny less, to fund all those repetitive repeats of  programs, last seen almost as long ago as an hour, featuring a slowly reducing flock of unknown celebrities.

Quote;  Graham Chapman.

"There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount."

17 Jul 2015

And Then A Study….

With the latest revelations regarding a study done relating to shopping bargains, and that all that's marked down may well be marked up, the first thing that sprang, young gazelle-like, into my swede was, they needed a study to sus this out? Really? There you go then.

As I listened with rapped attention to this revelation on TV, and myself always having an eye out for true bargains, her along the sofa said, "See? I tell you all the time bargain no bargain at all. Listen to them and next time you see bargain, listen to me too."
To be honest, I've no idea if she said 'to' 'two' or 'too'. It sounded a lot like 'tu'. I used 'too' to show off by grasp of the different meanings of all the 2's. Although it's not often I'm wright and I'm probably wrong again.

While she berated me and my bargain hunting I reflected how  lucky I am to blessed with two ears, that's 'two' meaning a pair, and while her words poured into one of them, in real time, I utilised the other to eject those words into the past.

Finding myself a tad on the back-foot, I reverted to the old adage that attack is the best form of defence, or, as used by Mr Cummerbund, surrender is the best form of cowardice, and brought up the thorny subject of colanders.
"Hay, remember those buy two get a third free colanders? You broken any yet while moving them between the sink and the draining board? You know, to show what a bang on deal that turned out to be, you having a plentiful supply of spares an' all?" I then sat back smugly. And waited. And waited.

She withdrew further towards her end of the sofa and I knew from her expression exactly what was running through her mind and it wasn't pretty and went something like this, "Okay, you win. This time. When I'm ready to go on the attack again you'll regret ever mentioning my prize winning collection of indestructible stainless steel colanders."

So Dave, what's to do with that vote regarding chasing foxes? Cancelled 'coz you might not win the vote? See above then.


Quote;  Elayne Boosler.

"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.  Men invade another country.  It's a whole different way of thinking."

13 Jul 2015

And Then Some Follow-up….

With thanks to Caratacus for building on yesterdays post in the comments. Yo you people, please look back and read it.

Two questions spring to mind: What happened to all the true characters in the world? Has it been PC  corrected out of one and all? Secondly, and it's really tied into the first, what ever happened to all the fun in the world?

All this reminded me of something I copied from part of a Blog posting many, many years ago when Bogging was in its infancy. Such an infant was it that I didn't see the need to note the Blog name or its author and now have no idea who to thank or apologise to. I'm fairly sure the Blog went to sleep a short while after I copied the bit below.

The content sort of dates it and yet the message is timeless. I have no strong feelings either way for anyone or anything mentioned, it just makes me smile out loud every time I read it.

"……..Those of us who made it to Heaven will have a damned good laugh at the expense of all the sinners who now have to be judged. This is when we get our revenge on the thugs, the vandals, the slackers, the bed wetter's, the shirt lifters, the bed wetting shirt lifters, the prostitutes, the destitute, the loony left, the limp-wristed middle, the fascist right, the Australians, the Belgians, income tax evaders, Belgian prostitutes, Australian shirt lifters, travellers, hoarders, spendthrifts, the rich, the super rich, Paul McCartney and Wings, Dale Winton, travelling rich people who know Dale Winton, anyone called 'Wayne', BMW drivers, shirt lifting rich travelling fascist BMW drivers, the Liberals, the Democrats, the Lib-Dems, the Tories, the income tax evading Tories who vote Liberal, Daily Mail readers, sports teachers, Thatcher, Hitler, Dale Winton again in case we missed him first time, Ken Magnolia, anyone called 'Ken', mobile phone salesmen, Colonel Sanders, bed wetting sports teachers called 'Ken' and blokes in white jeans."

Quote;  Dwight D. Eisenhower.

“Never waste a minute thinking about people you don't like.”