23 Mar 2007

And Then I Went Back To The Dentist......

Off to the dentist for the ol' needles in the gums game as promised to me during my last visit. I must have picked this up wrongly as it didn't transpire to be quite what I was expecting and dreading. Not much better, but not what I had firmly embedded {Hah!! Pun.} in my mind.

I had assumed the dentist was going to place needles all round my gums; something like acupuncture. In fact only one needle was used and this was pushed into my gums, in front of, and behind every tooth, to gauge at what depth the gum showed resistance. I assume. Or for fun? So, I didn't end up, as I had expected, looking like a bit player in Hellraiser.

When asked by the dentist, female, in a sort of, oh, almost forgot, you're a man, so would you like to have an anaesthetic? I pointed out to her that, yes I was indeed a man and as such my pain threshold peaked at bending down to put my socks on. This was accepted with a smirk rather than the expected laugh at my great whit, and injections duly administered. After mopping up my tears the treatment was started.

Although this treatment was with one needle several times rather than several needles one time, the pain factor was still pretty well up there. Especially the bit where the dentist pulled back the gum to water jet behind it. Never mind the numbing injections, which only seemed to result in all the areas round my mouth, from my chin to half way up my nose and from ear to ear, being rendered dead {and strangely huge}, but sensation still being registered by my teeth and gums. Sadly, these were the bits to be worked on.

A nanosecond after what seemed like the entire contents of the surgery was tipped into my mouth, 'man pain' kicked in. My frantic hand waving, body jerking and gagging sounds indicating all was not well were, I thought later, very cleverly picked up on by the dentist;

"Did you feel that? Sometimes these injections work, sometimes they don't. Not much more I can do now. Sorry."

"Thod me!! Oh vevy vell, thit haffenth I thupothe."


"Neffer mind."

Two hours later the left side of my mouth was done and it was time to break for lunch. The instruction to rinse my mouth out resulting in a wet shirt and trousers of course.

"Be careful not to bite the inside of your cheek while it's numb." said the nurse, cheerfully waving me out,

"Ha, ha. Of courfe not. Oh, thorry, I theem to haff thpit on you."

Thilly nurth. Bite the inthide of my own cheek? Does she think I'm that thtupid?

After an embarrassingly dribbly sort of lunch and with three bites to the inside of my cheek, one on the side that wasn't even numb, I tottered back for the second half.

Another two hours for the right side and I was done. Four hours all up with a total of sixteen injections, eight of which sort of worked and eight of which didn't, and three major self inflicted bite injuries that could quite possibly require plastic surgery.

Driving home, dribbling uncontrollably, I became convinced my mouth and surrounding area would never work properly again. But through the evening feeling did gradually come back and there was amazingly little pain, although my mouth did feel weirdly like it now had twice the number of teeth I had started the day with.

Is that it? You kidding? Five more goes; one to check measurements to confirm my gums are better, {Sounds like the old needly thingy again doesn't it?} then two fillings and two crowns. So much to look forward to.

Quote - Rodney Dangerfield;

"I told my dentist my teeth were going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie."

No comments: