And Then Here We Go…

   I see Sir Steer Calmer is really, really upset regards folk down here venting their anger regards that horrific attack on a little kids dance party and is determined to do something.
   That something seems to be to form another branch of our{?} police force to concentrate on ‘intelligence’ gathering coupled with CCTV and facial recognition thus being able to apprehend any and all those on the superduper mega far, far right folk, wot, we are told, are the result of all the countries troubles, the moment they attempt to leave their fifteen minute towns or, in extreme circumstances, as they attempt to leave their home.
   Let’s see how that plays out eh?

Quote; Pernell Plath Meier.

“Most of us knew in our bones that things with the world weren’t right, long before it became a crisis.”

          Glenn Greenwald

 “The way things are supposed to work is that we're supposed to know virtually everything about what they [the government] do: that's why they're called public servants. They're supposed to know virtually nothing about what we do: that's why we're called private individuals.”

And Then Another Day…

   ...thankfully, but it looks like we’re still tottering on the brink. As I view the ‘news’ I’m daily convinced my thoughts from a little bit after a while ago are, in fact, fact.
   And that was? Remember I put out the idea that this planet was discovered a long, long time ago by another vastly advanced planet who decided this uninhabited place would be the perfect place to unload their nutters and see if they could breed their nuttery out of themselves thus it became their lunatic asylum.
  Frequent sightings of flying saucepans is them checking on progress - or lack thereof. Wot they report back is that despite many wondrous advances since cave dwelling and many pockets of sanity taking hold, it was still obvious that the only fellows or fellasses who got to positions of a little control of others or all the way up to total power, were the complete and utter nutters.
   Have you noticed something uncanny these daze? When some chap awakes one morning and decides this is the day, arms himself with a big knife or, if he’s ‘lucky’, a gun and heads off to the nearest shopping centre to inflict misery on as many folk as possible, once he’s been neutralised it’s quickly put about that the perpetrator suffered from severe mental health issues.
   Y’all see where I’m heading yet? However when some countries top dog awakes and decides this is the day so calls in those below him and instructs them to fire six rockets, ten missiles and a dozen drones at their neighbours, in the reporting of said incident there’s never ever nary a hint of the utter nutter card in the deck being played.
   Funny old asylum is it not? I rest my conspiracy...

Quote; Charles Bukowski.

“I had noticed that both in the very poor and very rich extremes of society, the mad were often allowed to mingle freely.”

And Then An Idea…

   I see A K Haart has his Dorks of the year top ten posted. Just a suggestion to A K Haart, but how about now having an auction for the post of launch button presser? Kick the auction off early morning and with that list I can imagine seeing Mr Haart being just a phew quid short of Mr Musk by lunch time...

Quote; Jandy Nelson

“What's your major, Lennie? Oh yeah: Dorkology.”

And Then We Got Rain….

   The weather forecast the other day predicted very heavy rain here for the whole of the next day with a drop of up to a months worth of rain. All with the added scary amber alert of the risk of getting wet. Wot did we get? Right here, wot we got was a little light drizzle starting at about ten thirty and it was all over by a bit after midday.
    And these forecasters who have trouble forecasting for a phew hours ahead are part of the same team of experts who’re predicting that, unless urgent action is taken by you and me right NOW, such as limiting our private jet flights and motorcade trips to the shops and heating our swimming pools, the world will finally boil to destruction at precisely 09:36 on the 15^th of July, 2034.
I’m guessing the end will come a tad earlier than that and, looking around right now, could be triggered by one of two things.
    Firstly, some old fellow with his finger floating above the nuke button and the stand down button presses the wrong one with the final word, “Whoops” as he reaches for his very last ice-cream.
    Or secondly, that planet wot’s using this planet as its lunatic asylum, in the hope the lunacy would breed out of us inmates, has one last flyby and finally admits failure and directs that giant asteroid at us to make an end to their tried but failed experiment.
    Okay, one more bass number for the fifteen minute prisons we’ll all soon be in;

Quote; Vivian Greene.

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

          Roger Miller.

“Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.”

And Then, Let The Light Shine...

   I stepped into the garden  yesterday and spotted something a tad weird. Luckily I was holding my telling-bone having just finished a call. Now this is an old phone and the camera was probably an afterthought so no great bit o’ kit but below is wot I got a snap of.
   I did the business and am left wondering wot’s going on in the house across the back the way. Have aliens dropped in from a passing balloon? Have they converted the room into a giant aquarium for some as yet unknown aquatic beast? Or is it a spooky play of reflected light? If the latter, wot’s it reflecting off?

   Note to self; check back bedroom for alien intrusion. On ‘reflection’, send my little nest of vipers to check. Just in case...

Quote;  Steven Wright

“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?”

And Then It Gould Be True...

   I did a post a long time ago, which I now can’t find, when I put out the idea that this planet of ours was actually, many millennium ago, used as the lunatic asylum of a far away far advanced planet that rounded up all their nutters, dropped ‘em off here and they hoped that, left to our own devices, we’d, over time, breed nuttery out and sanity in.
   All the UFO sightings? Recon trips to check on progress or lack thereof.
   The latest report probably went something like this:
They seem to have grasped technology but the nutters have hijacked it. They seem to have managed to harness nuclear power but, again, the nutters have hijacked it. On the whole, sanity seems to have bred into the majority but, sadly, they have wot they call elections and, as sane as they seem, always vote some of the minority of nutters into positions of power throughout the planet. Oh, and the nutters seem to be fighting back – and winning – in convincing many of the sane folk that they can limit the heat output of that life giving big ball of fire in their neighbourhood with windmills. On the whole, still a tad iffy.
   And the decision was then taken to keep a good eye on us and if we advanced with space travel, without first reaching one hundred percent sanity, to kickstart that asteroid to end it all and thus eliminate the possibility of galactic contamination and just call it a day; hell, they’d say, we tried.
   Head Rambles triggered all that in this nutters head with his last post.
I think, I think I am, therefore I am, I think...
There you go, man
Keep as cool as you can
Face piles of trials with smiles
For it riles them to believe
That you perceive
The web they weave...
And keep on thinking free.
Words that work on so many levels do they not. A verse for our times if ever there was one.

Quote;  Rita Mae Brown.

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”

And Then, For The Kids...

   The news seems to be getting a tad more hysterical the closer we get to that magic number twenty one does it not?
   Anyhoo, I see that astronomers have detected mysterious radio bursts from deepest space. Are they sure it’s radio bursts? I’m putting my money on it being hysterical alien laughter.
   Further to the above and looking at the state we find ourselves in, I feel it’s time that much used phrase, ‘Searching for other intelligent life’ should be changed to, ‘Searching for any intelligent life’ as it sure seems to be in deep hiding here on earf. Earf? Should it be earff? Earph? Big shouty ‘E’? I’ll leave that for our university students to argue about after they’ve finished ‘debating’ which pictures are like, awesome as opposed to those they find like, totally gruesome.
   This clip is for mums, dads and grandparents of young children to take note off prior to the co-co ‘preventative’ puncture coming your way. This is an ex Phyzzy fellow so worth taking note of his few words of caution. Your call. This is a Rumble jobby and my attempts to embederate failed so it’s another blue bit to click. I’m sure our seekers of truth in the media are putting together an explosive program regards this as I type... 
   On a final note of no interest whatsoever to anybody other than me, I got one of they text message thingies from ‘my’ GP asking me to make an appointment for a blood test. Only to be done by phone so I tried. “You are number thirty in a queue. Please stay on the line as your phone bill isn’t important to us.” Okay, I made the last bit up but I guess you all know how these annoying messages play out. Wot did I done do? Click.

Quote;  Ellen DeGeneres.

“The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.”

And Then An Interview....

I’ve just come to the conclusion that what I thought was a bit o’ fun cartoon, somewhere down the left hand side, is, in fact, an interview with some guy here illegally who, upon popping out to buy a carton of fags and a bottle of rum from the Polish guy in a white van, happened to notice the sign on the side of the van asking him if he’d like to go home.

Another guy, also purchasing his weekly smokes an’ drinks, saw our illegal friend reading the van and remarked. “Bolting horses and stable doors spring to mind?”

Having absolutely no idea what the chap was wittering on about, in very poor English, he quickly proceeded home and locked the door securely behind him. It was only then, too late, that he realised he’d been short changed for his fags and rum.

The writing on the van had given him much to ruminate upon.

He enjoyed the benefits system and often thought how generous it was considering the news nightly, read by that nice guy with the foreign lookin' name, told him how bust the country was. He did remain wary of the locals, although he didn’t actually know who the real locals were amongst the bewildering diversity of diversness he encountered daily. He was, however, a tad sad that the promised global warming gig, which would’ve made here more like home, but with free stuff, had failed to materialise. And he’d also become very conscious as to how quickly this little land was filling up and breathing space was becoming tough to find.

So that evening, sitting in his Islington bed-sit, after seriously considering all the pros and cons and happy in the knowledge he’d managed to send a goodly chunk o’ change home, he eventually decided to fess-up and apply for a free ride home to get some sun on his back. Hay, he thought, I can always pop back if things don't pan out, right?

So this is the video of him, portrayed by a puppet to preserve his anonymity, recorded in his preflight holding area, giving his reasoning for leaving.

Quote; Toba Beta.

“There are places on planet earth where common sense doesn't apply.”

And Then It Looks Like Black….

After a couple of days in the company of Google and HTML code of varying levels of complexity, it looks like the drop down menu will, for now, have a fixed text size and be in black.  Nothing worked for me I’m afraid. 

Does this mean I’ve thrown the towel in?  Not at all, but I need a break from it so black it is for now.  Hay, it worked for Mr Ford!

Coincidentally with  the HTML problems, for the past couple of nights and days, I’ve had severe chest pains.  This, at my age, can cause alarm and so I did what I always advise against – searched the symptoms on the Web.

No matter how I adjusted the search criteria, looking for the best, reassuring result, it persisted in presenting an answer which was a tad alarming.  I may have an alien infestation. An alien infestation?  How can that be?  I’ve never even been into outer space or, to put it another way, out into space.

The prospect of having some sort of alien dude festooned with fangs protruding from a dribbly mouth ripping itself out through my chest with long, bony, pointy tipped limbs kind o’ ruined my days.

What to do?  A rummage in the medicine draw drew an almost perfect blank.  Just the one little tablet lookin’ thingy left.  This pill I did take and, within the hour, much to my surprise and delight, it seemed the alien infestation had been dispelled. I rummaged in the rubbish to make a note of the name of the tablet responsible for the unexpected eradication of my alien. Just in case of reoccurrence, you understand.

The tablet? An indigestion and heart-burn tablet.

 

So there you go, if you ever feel you may be the victim of alien infestation, don’t panic. It’s a simple remedy. It’s always the simple remedy those pesky aliens are never prepared for, right Mr Cameron?  

Quote;  Franklin D. Roosevelt.

“Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.”

And Then It Was Norway….

If you take a moment to look up on a clear night and try to grasp the enormity of it all, if you look around you and see how insignificant this earth of ours is, if you think how small is the time allotted to each of us to be here, why the hell do we have to spend that heart beat of time blowing each other up?

Remember Australia? 'Course you do, it's still there. Remember the UK used to ship their naughty people off there? People still have the occasional chat regarding finding a deserted island and doing similar today. Ship off all the ne'er-do-wells an let 'em get on with it. From scratch.

Now then, look up again.

Are we alone in the vastness of space? Of course not. Let's assume that out there amongst all those probable life forms, is a bunch of boys way ahead of us. More advanced than us? Not too hard to imagine really.

Let's assume, that back in their day, they had similar problems with their own hooks, crooks, comic singers. What's to say they didn't try the island thing? What's to say that, as they advanced, and getting fed up with bad guys getting off the island, or being given early release just to go and be naughty again, they didn't find somewhere a tad more remote and start shipping 'em off to another planet?

What's to say they didn't take advantage of the occasion to include whole whizz of their criminally insane fellows the local trick cyclists couldn't help, get 'em all to their deserted planet and just say, 'There you go. Your new home, day one. It's all yours. You're on your own. One bit of advice, put 'fire' and 'wheel' near the top of your 'Stuff To Do' list. Knock you selves out. Buby.'

Guess what? Here we are. As expected, knocking ourselves, and each other, out.

Unlikely? Probably, but it sure would answer a million irritating questions about us.

Quotes; Ellen DeGeneres.

"The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble."

Jay Leno.

"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"

And Then They Were At The Door….

Did I hear her call he? He being me. Yes, indeed I done did.

“Where you be now?” She called.
“Me be in kitchen.” I replied, cleverly using her language.
“Two men in black suites just been to door.” Said her.

Men in black? Oh my, what did I write about that wedding again? Was it that bad? Was it something else I’ve done? Are they after more bed linen? Wait! Maybe it’s not just a common cold I’ve got after all. Could I be carrying some sort of top secret plague war bug? That’s it! I’m an experimental weapon!

“They said they be Jalopies Witless.”
“Jalopies Wit.. Oh, right.” Okay, I’m not a weapon then.
“They gone away now?”
“I don’t know what they talk abou so I give them my special look and they lun away.”
“One of your special looks would make anyone run away. It’s ‘run’ not ‘lun’ by the way. Again. There’s a ‘T’ at the end of ‘abou’ as well. Again.”
“I done good then?”
“You done good.”

I’ll be a travelling person again this weekend so, well, I’ll be travelling not computing. Far, far away this time. So not as far as it is when I go far, far, far away. About one ‘far’ less is wot it is on the ‘far’ scale. Oh, hay, don’t forget to do that votie stuff tomorrow......

Quote; Gene Spafford.

“While travelling near Tampa, Florida, I passed the "Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall" and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them.”

And Then There Was Smooth….

Nothing to say here so please headphone up and listen along.

Oh, I did get that censor stuff fall through the letter box this morning.

No biggie really. No, really, no biggie; think I’ll have six aliens visiting for the night in question, wadda ya think? No? just bin the whole thing then? I’m cool with that.

I remember way back in time discussing a census, which was due, with a few other fools beside, and the agreed and adopted suggestion was to carefully rub over all boxes, marked ‘For Official Use Only’, with candle wax which was pretty extreme for us, back in the day. Sadly, no boxes thusly marked on this sucker.

Quote; Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“The true test of civilization is, not the census, nor the size of the cities, nor the crops, but the kind of man that the country turns out.”

Anonymous.

“I just want to know how people with multiple personalities fill out their census papers.”

And Then There Was This Strange ‘Gray’….

"A lot of bloggers seem to be socially inadequate, pimpled, single, slightly seedy, bald, cauliflower-nosed, young men sitting in their mother's basements and ranting. They are very angry people.”

So there you go then. What a balloon. Some room to talk when he himself has a face like a blind cobblers thumb, by the way.

Quote; Clive Barnes.

"Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want."

And Then There Was A Gray Machine….

Just watched a bit, couldn’t take it all, of one of ‘The Grays’ humanoid thingies making a speech. Scary. He/its had a vision. A vision? You're kidding, please say you're kidding. No? Scary. And look at the clapping crowds. Scary.

And then I think of what’s got it’s oily hands on the power switches right now. Scary. And what are we all doing? What? Nothing? Oh well. Now that’s really scary. And sad.

Think I’ll close the curtains and have a tea party……

Quote; Gary Lloyd.

When the government's boot is on your throat, whether it’s a left boot or a right boot is of no consequence.