17 Sept 2021

And Then Just Books...

   At the risk of repeating posts, which I’m about to do, there was a program on the radio this morning and the topic – between music – was religious teaching in schools. That in turn triggered a reminder of the old post below.
   Upon reading that wot’s below again, and bearing in mind the earlier programs content, it was interesting to note how similar, all that time ago, that book is to the book followed by our newest bestest ever friends. However the believers of the book below mellowed their beliefs with time while the other book followers tend to stick strictly to wot’s written in their book. Whatever, it’s a bit o’ fun.

Dr. Laure Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura.

Dear Dr. Laura,

  Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
  When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
  I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
  I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
  Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
  I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
  A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
  Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of
God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
  Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
  I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
  My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
  I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Quote;  Henny Youngman.

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”

14 Sept 2021

And Then, A Word...

   I believe there’ll be some announcements later today regards winter co-co measures. Did Mr Bojangles make a statement regards lifting some restrictions yesterday? Must’ve missed that and don’t remember seeing anything on the ‘news’. Anything to celebrate?  No? Oh.
   If a statement was made I’m sure it was littered with the stock words that proceed every statement, or answer to every question they’re ever asked. And those would be? Well, that would be, well, followed by er, and um in copious numbers.
   May I suggest a new word for use by those wot would rule over us? A sort of all in one word to be used to proceed all statements and answers? Hell it’s not hard, the word is, ‘Wellerum’. For tricky answers add another er as in ‘Wellerumer’. You know wot? I quite like that. Imagine when asked later by an aid how the interview went, Mr Bojangles replied that it’d been a bit of a wellerum. Or a TV commenter stating so-and-so’s answers left them looking like an old wellerumer. 
   Anyhoo, that rubbish and the use – again – of the word, ‘celebrate’,  reminded me of a very old yarn:
   A novice monk arrived at a monastery and long after his arrival he was assigned to help some other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying from copies, not the original texts.
   The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the very first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.      
   The head monk said, “We’ve been copying from the copies for centuries so as to preserve the original in pristine condition, but you make a good point, my son.”
   With this, the head monk went down into the cellar with the very first copy to check it against the original.
   Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him.
   He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R, we missed the R". His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father? What R was missed?" With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word’s celebrate, not celibate."

Quote;  Sarah Kay. 

“Spoken word teaches that if you have the ability to express yourself and the courage to present those stories and opinions, you could be rewarded with a room full of your peers or your community who will listen.”

11 Sept 2021

And Then, Just A Thought...

   With the ‘news’ Priti Pointless has some super smart plans to curb the channel invasion, I had a think – yeah, I know – about it and, if you read this Priti, it may well be worth a try. Pardon? Thought not. Here it is anyway.
   Station all our available boarder force vessels, and a few frigates – have we still got a few? - right on the channel border between us and France. Right on the border would mean a few meters our side of the border and spaced along the popular dinghy crossing area.
   These modern vessels would be able to maintain their position with the click of a few buttons with modern navigation aids and position holding all-round thrusters. Hell, oil rig supply and anchor handling boats** have been doing it in all weathers for decades and remember these fellows only come across in good weather, right?
   By the use of drones and radar and any other modern detection aids, satellites? watch the French side and when a suspect craft is pinged, move along our side of the border to intercept said craft.
   If the craft is intercepted and confirmed to be a boat load of gimmigrants, get a line on it, and they’ll assist as they’ll think they’re being ‘rescued’, manoeuvre so’s our boat remains just our side of the border with the naughty boat just on the French side then summon the French to come along at their earliest convenience to take ‘em ‘home’.
   Our vessel may have to launch its Z–boat to prevent any sea jumpers as they see their plan unravelling, so’s to pick ‘em up and put ‘em back in their dinghy.
   Wot’s so hard about that? Probably a lot that this old fellow’s unaware of in these ‘let’s see how complex we can make this simple idea’ sort o’ days.

         
   **Here’s another thought. With the continuing decline in North Sea offshore work, other than windmills of course, there may well be a bunch of rig supply anchor handlers tied up tight just itching for some work...

Quote;  Mark Twain.

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than those you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”