17 May 2015

And Then I Get A Little Nosey….

A cautionary tale follows.

I may have mused on this before, but why is it that, past a certain age, with every passing year thereafter – nay, month, a fellows facial hair grows ever longer and at an ever increasing pace? I'm not talking top of head  hair here, I'm primarily talking ears, eyebrows and nostrils.

Why do my ears need to be hairy just because I'm old? what's with eyebrows that need hair gel to get them in some semblance of order? Are long eyebrows to compensate for loss of head top hair? Are we supposed to use our new, long eyebrows as a comb-over? Then there's nostril hair. What, in the name of evolution, is that all about when your old?

I'm not a vain person, far from it, I just prefer people I'm talking to to be looking at my eyes rather than roaming around my face marvelling at my nose and eyebrow hair styles of the day.

I'm betting you've tried that ol' nose hair plucking routine, right? Usually while driving which gives the impression to others that your picking that orifice. It's also time consuming is it not?

Not too long ago, while browsing round Boots, or possibly another chemists and I was wearing boots, fading memory does that, my little nest of vipers, a long time complainant of my nosey hair, spotted a little bit o' kit wot promised to cut eyebrows either leaving them long or short depending on the cunning guide used. It also had a sticky-on thingy enabling you to push it up your nose – yeah, I know – and thus remove nostril hair. Really, is this a wonder of modern engineering or wot? How to find out? Yup, buy one I did. Correction; buy one for me she did.

You know what? It actually works and, as a plus, without the eyebrow length guide, he do keep my ears visible.

Now to the note of caution.

This little jobby is powered by a single AA battery. It lasts a long time and you can be lulled into a false sense of power security. Trust me; replace the battery frequently as you will, without doubt, arrive at the day, after missing several trim sessions, when you switch him on, shove him up your nose and, with the batteries last gasp, he'll grab a fist full of nose hair and stop dead. And that is an extremely unpleasant plucking nose sensation. Whoa!! Is that a play on words or wot? My apologies to any Timidadians passing quickly by.

This will leave you with a weird looking machine hanging out your nose and tears streaming down your face. If anyone is watching they will also have tears streaming down their face. Sadly, your tears will be pain induced and theirs will be of uncontrollable mirth.

Remember, the above is a man story and we tend to feel pain even when cutting our toenails. You would also think I'd learned my lesson after the early forays into cutting my own hair would you not?

Quote;  Andy Warhol.

"I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows."

            Courteney Cox.

"Well, actually, plucking my eyebrows is more of a hobby than
a grooming tip."


A K Haart said...

I knew a guy who could balance a table tennis ball on his eyebrows.

These days I have hairs growing on the end of my nose. Easily trimmed, but what they are for I can't imagine.

Caratacus said...

You must forgive me - I have an overactive imagination (as the Memsahib frequently reminds me) and I pictured you there with that electric thingy hanging voltless from your scnozzle and looking rather like Arnie as he extracts that tracking beacon from his nose in "Total Recall". I shouldn't laugh really ... I still cut my own hair on a 6mm setting - a hangover from old security days when we used to operate on the basis of "if I can grab it - so can someone else" as the point where a haircut becomes necessary. Old habits die hard ...

Mac said...

Pretty similar although I don’t remember Arnie crying.
I’m at that level as I quickly came to two conclusions;
A ‘style’ is of very little importance and, even if you wished for one, close to impossible to achieve with bog standard hair clippers regardless of what it may say on the box.

A K Haart,
Ah, those little nose end hairs.
Do you suppose Mother Nature has had a look around at what those in power are doing with our energy provisions, got her evolution team together and asked them to slowly reverse the process, starting in the north, as she can see we will soon be back in need of the long discarded full hairy pelt?

Mac said...

A K Haart,
I forgot to include this nice piece which was amongs the comments someplace I've forgotten;
"What did we use for lighting before candles, Gramps?"
"Electricity, my boy" [sigh]