16 Jun 2011

And Then There Was A Simple Answer….

This could pose a problem could it not? Hotter? Colder? Dryer? Wetter? Windy? Well, will there be any weather tomorrow?

I’m sure ‘Propeller Head’ hasn’t read that – too many big words – but surely one of his many Civil Serpents must’ve had a gander? Would you expect them to slither over to The Hoon and hiss this news in his ear?

If I had the choice, and having old bones, a tad warmer, as has been promised for the past ten years, would be the one for me. The cold? It’s great providing you can get indoors and get warm later. Sadly, The Hoon is sending us rapidly to an era of unaffordable warmth.

Here’s a thought! In the cold it’s a fact you don’t get much wind, right? So the windmills don’t do much of that twirly whirly thingy, right? So they’re not making much electricky, right? That’s not that important, ‘couse very few can afford electricky anyway. ‘Important’ people, however, will still expect light. So, how about this then……

Remember the old galleys? All those slaves rowing on windless days? Or when ramming speed was needed? {My first ship, I think.} How about hooking up each windmill with rows and rows, hundreds and hundreds of adapted bicycles? Then, through a cunning system of pulleys and gears, on still days, all those windmills could be twirling and merrily generating by the simple expedient of pedal power!

You’re probably wondering who’s going to be goofy enough to do the peddling. I’dve thought that was obvious. The countries old, retired folk, that’s who. Hay, they need to do something to keep warm’ right? Double winner! And there’s lots of ‘em. Sorry, us. As an added incentive, pensions could be linked to peddle points.

The gearing ratio would need careful consideration as, although we have lots of old, expendable folk, it would be ‘bad press’ to loose too many too soon to heart attacks owing to frantic peddling to keep Westminster's lights on. And I believe the EU limits us on how much we can throw in landfill sites.

Let’s make it three in a row of wins. Let’s build camps, sorry, villages, at each wind farm, to house the old peddlers. Huge numbers of homes needed, unemployment eased.

What could be added to the camps, sorry, villages, is limitless. Doctors? Dentists? Leisure centres? Not sure they’d need the exercise bit. Undertakers? A Post Office? Tesco's? Man, it just gets better and better!

A little of the power could be used to light the camps, sorry, villages and give a bit of heat. Not too much heat, just core heat. They’ll still need to peddle for full warmth.

With all the old in the new camps, sorry, villages, this will free up hundreds of thousands of homes for our younger generation and immigrants to avail themselves of.

The peddle power could most likely be directed straight to generation, but, hay, we have those big fans so let’s see ‘em moving, right?

Now, all you Civil Serpents out there, give that a thought and if it trips your triggers, hiss it on through to ‘Propeller Head’.
{Reminder to self; at the first hint of this being considered, delete post and leave country.}

Quote; Dave Barry.

"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I’ve found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer."


Steve Millar said...

Hee Hee.


Mac said...

Oh dear. One less camp, sorry, village needed.