And So We Prepare….

“The bathroom floor tiles. Shall I just cut tiles to go round the toilet and wash basin pedestal then?”
“What else to do then? Tile over them? How to use if you tile over them then?”

Did I hear right? Is she really as dumb as a box o' rocks? I patiently continue, “What I mean is, to do it properly, I should take out the toilet and basin, lay the tiles, then plumb the bits back.”
”Good idea. How to use plums to put bits back?”
“No, plumb with a ‘b’. Short for plumbing. Not eating.”
“With a ‘b’? Why not say ‘plumbing’ then?”
“English. It’s a silent ‘b’.”
“You English waste just about everything. Put a ‘b’ in, then don’t use him. So he sounds the same as ‘plum’ with no 'b'. Stupid idea. Waste of time and a 'b'.”
“Yup. Could it be so you know which one you can legally eat? You know, plum, no 'b', good. Plumber, 'b', bad."
"What difference between 'no be good' and 'be bad' then?"
"You know what? I'm getting one of my headaches. Anyhoo, where were I? Okay; doing it right, we wouldn't have a toilet for a couple of days.”
“Bad Idea.”
“I could just keep working through the night I guess....”
“Good idea.”
”.....and just hope my plumbing’s ‘Polish perfect’, ‘couse if it’s not, well, it could be lots of days with no toilet and no water at all.”
“Bad idea. Polish perfect? What mean?”
“English joke, never mind. Hay, we could use a bucket 'till the toilet's back in action."
"That's a joke, right? It better be joke. Be bad joke."
"Okay, here’s a very good idea. Why don’t you go home for a while while I do all this stuff?”
“Good idea. While while?”
“English, never mind. Hay, to be on the safe side, it may be best if you go home for two or three months – or better still, just wait ‘till I call you when everything’s back to normal. How about that then? What? What now? What? What’re you looking at me like that for?”

So there you go, not as dumb as a box o' rocks after all.

Quote; Rodney Dangerfield.

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth; she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”