16 Jun 2018

And Then, If Only...

I’ll get to the ‘If Only’ bit in a bit but first I note that the attempt to make up-skirting a crime has been blocked by one bad boy. Whilst not condoning the practice at all, may I make a suggestion to all those little things who feel it may happen to them? When you go to concerts and other such crowded places, try to think it through before rolling up and dress according to your ‘risk assessment’; it may help to diminish the desire of the naughty phone snappers if you’re wearing appropriate kit and not a dress that starts just below your waist and ends just below your ass and you’re standing with your legs spread at forty-five degrees.

Also, why don’t you all familiarise yourselves with the mysterious effectiveness of a sharp downward motion of the head onto the nose of the  snapper delivered simultaneously with the rapid rise of a knee into said snappers dangly bits? JD.

And please note there has been nary a mention of the trauma us chaps suffer, almost daily, when nubile young ladies try to grab an up trouser-leg shot while we’re innocently perusing the gammon selection at the supermarket...

Okay, regarding the title, ‘if only...’ After looking at the various goings-on around this little island of late, wot with making your own mind-up wot you’d like to be identified as on any day, all the LGBTQUERTY stuff, our freedoms evaporating by the hour, the daily very rare to well done Brexit menu and I got to thinking, if only the much missed Captain Ranty was still with us. I could only hazard a guess as to how many keyboards he’d be pounding into oblivion on a weekly basis. You’re sorely missed Captain.

Quote;  Cassandra Clare.

“It isn't against the Law to be an idiot.”

            Hunter S. Thompson.

“We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws.”

1 comment:

Caratacus said...

Only just been looking back at the good Captain's stuff a couple of days ago - Lord he was good, wasn't he? Sadly missed, as you say. Fun to imagine just how much fun he would have had at the expense of the May/Grieve/Soubry/Clarke/Thornberry unholy alliance (may the Powers of Darkness rot their bloomers). There would have been a goodly sprinkling of those words guaranteed to have rt. hon. members fluttering their skirts and fainting, farting and falling over in their droves :-)