10 Mar 2018

And Then She Be Back...

...thus I’m no longer King of the sofa as I’ve lost my left flank to her indoors. She’s also encroaching on the centre no-mans person-land. I threatened to rain down fire and brimstone so she quickly agreed to talks sometime later this decade.

First trip to the shops, I tried to explain the recent advances in the ‘accepted’ use of pronouns and the very careful thought now needed before offering any seemingly obvious and polite form of salutation to strangers. This resulted in a look that clearly said I’d finally lost the plot during her absence. I explained it was others, others who should know better, that had lost the plot but I feel she’s not convinced.

That evening, I received an Email from a very dear friend who I haven’t seen for years as he doesn't reside here and I don’t reside there but for many years we toiled together on the same pair of jack-up oil rigs far, far away. A friend who could always be relied upon to find something to smile about regardless of how dire any situation seemed. Stealth chickens anyone? That’s an ‘in’ joke by the way...

Anyhoo, he stated he’d taken up carpentry and this sent my head spiralling back to the time I also took an interest in carpentry. My interest got as far as purchasing a set of chisels and a hammer. I did attempt something, I remember not what, and that debacle resulted in a close family member commissioning a local artist to produce the piece pictured below; a much treasured possession and a constant reminder of my prowess as a wonder worker in wood.

Give me two pieces of wood that, when cut to exact measurements, should fit together perfectly to form a useful item and I’ll prove that I operate on a whole different level.

It also reminded of the tale of the guy who got himself a chainsaw and then took an interest in chainsaw art. His first piece was entitled, ‘A Log Pile’.

I’ll end by pointing you to Dylan and the House Carpenter.  Bu-by.

Quote;  Lewis Carroll.

“The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings”


Ripper said...

I used to have a McCulloch petrol chainsaw, but it stood for years unused. I bought it to take down two small trees, which it did without breaking a sweat. We were coal fired at the time and one day the council came around and felled all the trees in our street. Wife #1 had the council guys dump the trunks (six trees at around 2 tons each) in our front garden for fuel. Guess who had the job of making 'the log pile'? So that chainsaw artist guy has done nothing new; the chainsaw paid for itself that day since it gave us enough fuel to heat the house for the next few winters.

Then after some years, wife #2 came along. Her brother had a chainsaw but it was on its last legs. He was running a pretty lucrative one-man business making park benches from logs. My saw had laid around dormant for a good while, so I sold it to him.

Now I've just bought this house, I find I will need a chainsaw..

The answer to your geometry test in the other post is 5cm. Pythagoras formula gives the answer straight away and without using complicated maths..

"The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides". To square a number you just multiply it by itself, eg 4x4=16, that's one side, then 3x3=9 for the other. 16+9=25 and the square root of that is 5.

Mac said...

Proof again, should any be needed, that shortly after disposing of an ‘unwanted’ item, said item will be needed and below is yet more proof that the old ones are the best ones...

An Irish immigrant in Canada applies for a job as a lumberjack.
"We require you to fell 100 trees a day." says the foreman, “Any slacking and you are out. Here's your chain-saw so get on with it".
At the end of the day he’d only managed 30 trees. "Sorry," says the foreman, "I'm afraid you’re not up to scratch."
"Give me a chance" pleads the Irishman, "this is the first time I've ever done this."
"OK, I'll give you one more day to prove yourself." said the foreman.
End of day two and he has managed 56 trees.
"Give me your saw" said the foreman, "You’re clearly not up to it."
"I've worked flat out all day, no-one could manage a hundred" said the Irishman.
"No? I'll show you" said the foreman and fired up the chain-saw.
"Whoa!! What's that noise?" shouts the Irishman.

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept bowing and flapping about etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground lay it down and measure it. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

There once was an Indian chief who had three wives. He gave the first wife a deer hide and she bore him a son. He gave the second wife a buffalo hide and she bore him a son. He gave the third wife a hippopotamus hide and she bore him two sons proving that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Pop along here for some more math related gems most I'm sure you've seen before - but just in case... You’ll enjoy the log seller math test;


Ripper said...

"An Irish immigrant in Canada applies for a job as a lumberjack"

I've found his brother!!


And this must be his cousin!


In fact the whole family must be the same...


Mac said...

Thanks for that. Makes me look like a DIY genius! Which, of course, I am.