27 Feb 2018

And Then, A Shock...

Yesterday, while tapping random keys on the computer, my super sensitive, bat-like hearing picked up something being transmitted by my televisual device which made me sit up with a start and take notice. Wot I initially heard was the presenter breathlessly announcing the imminent arrival of the beast from the East. I was flabbergasted; how did the media get to know that my little nest of vipers is due back soon? Or sooner? Wot do the media know that I don’t? I jumped up to see if there was a thicket of reporters out front waiting for her and that was when I quickly regained my composure upon hearing the beast from the East in question related to the arrival of a cold snap and not a cold heart.*
*Note to the perpetually offended: The above is just a bit of old fashioned fun. That’s F-U-N apparently now pronounced, ‘Frowned Upon Nowadays’. 

Having started to take better notice, I find it amazing how the media can get so exercised over the weather. It is winter, right? What next amongst all the banal advice regarding surviving the beast? Hide in the cupboard under the stairs? Say wot now? You live in a bungalow? Contact your local combined cold weather emergency centre for advice on alternative hiding places. There’s also the usual request for folk to take care of elderly neighbours but, happily, nobody’s called on me at time of typing. Okay, let’s have this one again then:
The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather. Fortunately my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.

Reporters out in breezy snowy flurries? Major road and rail disruption? Schools closed? May I humbly point you to an old post about snow and school relating to times seemingly long lost.

Further to that, here’s something else from times past for all you incorrigible romantics when it comes to all things snowy.

Quote;  Victor Hugo.

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”


Ripper said...

"Having started to take better notice, I find it amazing how the media can get so exercised over the weather"

It is evident to me that none of them were around during the winter of 1962/63. That may explain it. And they certainly didn't live in a house with no electricity and gas lighting.

Mac said...

That’s very true but you’d still think they’re old enough to understand wot weather is. However, the more ‘we’ insist on relying on wind, they're certainly going to discover the delights of no electrickery and when that happens, we’ll probably be able to run a decent sized town on their squealing.
Never mind. I’ve just thought how I could get my five minutes of fame!
You notice how the news clips always start with the misery snow stories and end with a little light relief by showing kids playing on sledges? What have you spotted? Correct!! Not a hint of protective kit on those kids! No plastic knee pads, elbow pads or cycle type head protection! How very awful is that then? No safety goggles? What are they thinking! No roll bars on the sledges? Does that cord mum’s pulling some sledges by have an in-date test certificate? I may just sign up to Twatter and start a campaign. If I’m not too late...

Ripper said...

Yup, I noticed all that and more, it seems there's been no risk assessment done on that snow covered slope which means that it hasn't been signed off for use. There are no SOP's on display anywhere for the sledges and the sledge rope not only fails to have a test certificate, the SWL is not displayed on it anywhere and there is no colour coded tag (changes from red to green next month). All that plus no seat belts or child seats. So someone's in deep trouble and when he squeals that should run London for a fortnight.

As for the supposed energy crisis, I can solve both that and global warming in one go - can you remember a while back, they were saying that cows farting caused global warming? Well, all they have to do is collect all those cow farts and use them to fuel a methane powered generator. See? No more global warming and as much energy as we can eat. Jeez, I'm good. The idea could also be expanded to include hippos.


rapscallion said...

It's pathetic isn't it. As Ripper pointed out "that none of them were around ins 1962/63. I was, had to walk two miles to school, it was bitterly cold in the house - double-glazing hadn't been thought of, never mind invented, and we had ice on the inside of the windows. If you were cold, and we were, you just put more clothes on.

I know this reads like Monty Python's Yorkshire Miner's sketch, but "kids today don't know they're born"


Mac said...

All so very true and we didn’t bat an eye and here we are. You know what’s even more incredible? We got here without bloody smartphones!

Mac said...

This is looking good. If we put this together, we could get sledging banned altogether. Even get any playing in the snow in any form banned. Oh, wait a minute. I’m sure you’ve seen it but check back this evening. Oh my...
As for the cows; that puts a whole different slant on ‘eat or heat’ does it not?