18 Dec 2014

And Then, Come Next October….

Yesterday, in a dawn operation, a combined force of police, an armed response team, an anti-terrorist unit, the bomb squad and the fire brigade, assisted by a HazMat unit and a helicopter, all directed by the security services, brought a dramatic car pursuit to a successful conclusion.

They were acting on information relayed to the security services by a diligently bored CCTV operative who spotted the driver of a vehicle acting in a suspicious manner. He also told them that he was quietly confident there was a baby on board.

The car, travelling well within the allowable speed limit, was followed at a safe distance until it entered a quiet suburban area of a Northern town where, at about midday, the police forced the vehicle to come to a stop and then proceeded to surround it at a safe distance.

After all the buildings within a half mile radius of the car had been evacuated and all required H & S paperwork completed for all personnel involved,  negotiations were started with the driver at six o’clock yesterday evening and, after a tense thirty second standoff, the driver was persuaded to leave his car, throw down his weapon and stamp on it until it was fully extinguished at which point the security forces, wearing bio hazard suits, rushed the man, threw him to the ground and cuffed him before he could light another cigarette.

The driver was then searched, passed through a de-contamination unit and taken into custody.

After the fire brigade had doused the area with foam to ensure the cigarette was totlly out, confirmed by members of the bomb squad, the HazMat team used robots and remote detectors to investigate the interior of the car and to take air and upholstery samples.

The interior of the car was declared safe by a senior officer shortly after midnight  and security personnel then entered the vehicle and removed the baby.

It transpired the baby was, in fact, a thirteen year old girl and it further transpired that the father was  a lone parent. Social Services took the decision not to allow the girl to go home alone and sent her to roam the city in a taxi until later in the morning when provisions could be made to place her in a secure child care unit where she will be given a psychiatric evaluation, counselling and access to a lawyer who will discuss the merits of suing her father on the grounds of child cruelty.

At  a press conference this morning the Prime Minister, standing in front of a door, was quick to praise all those involved with the operation and said this was a wake-up call to all those who assumed this law would be unenforceable.
“Let me make this perfectly clear, no ifs no buts, we will track down all those who continue to indulge in this perfectly legal pastime in the privacy of their own cars. Also, to those of you who consider this to be setting a dangerous precedent and the start of an extremely slippery slope, let me just say this; damn right it is and we’re going to push any pointless stuff down that slope we want to!!” 

A reporter then asked  the PM when the investigation into alleged child abuse by those in high office may start. Mr Cummerbund started to talk in tongues before going back indoors for lunch and a big glass of fizzy ginger beer.

It’s understood the two Tornado jets, scrambled from Cyprus, have now been instructed to head back to continue dropping some bombs on some sand somewhere.

What was all that about? This what’s coming to a car near you.

Quote;  H. L. Mencken.

“The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.”


“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws”


Giolla said...

Utterly brilliant

Mac said...

Thank you; that's appreciated. All we can do is laugh at 'em.