The job I mentioned yesterday? He be done and him thing beady-beading be up. All achieved with absolutely no drama. And the winner was? Anonymous with Evo-Stik, Sticks Like Sh*t. And for all the years Evo-Stik has been available and used by all us more mature folk for gluing up, or down, countless sheets of Formica and the edging, who knew the Stick bit doesn’t have a ‘c’ in it? How weird is that then? Anyhoo, upon reading his suggestion I thought, as you would, this is a wind-up. Sticks Like Sh*t? Yeah, right.
What the hay, it’s a lovely day, the store in question, Screwfix, is but a fifteen minute drive away and it seems like a long time since I had any shopping fun. As an added bonus, the store is very close to a Burger King. Really, could it get any better?
Upon reaching my destination, confirmed by Tom-Tom and my visuals indicating a store with a really big sign reading, Screwfix, I parked and proceeded inside.
”Good morning my good Screwfixing person. Do you perchance stock that stuff, errrr, Sticks Like Shasteriskt?”
”I’m sorry Sir. I do believe you’ve made a wrong turn. The pub is a couple o’ hundred yards back down the street.”
”What? Oh, no. It’s that Evo-Stik product for sticking things up. Sticks Like Shasteriskt.”
”Shasteriskt? What are you talking about? Hay!! Wait a minute! Do you mean Sticks Like Shit?”
”Whoa! I don’t think so. How naughty would that be? No, it’s Sticks Like, then there’s ‘Sh’ then that star lookin’ symbol you get if you press shift and 8; I believe it’s called an asterisk; then a ‘t’. Pronounced, best I can get, Shasteriskt.”
”Let me tell ya that they put that hysteric in there instead of an ‘i’. It’s a fun name. They left the ‘i’ out so’s to make it inoffensive. Get it? Get it now?”
”That I do. Golly. Oops. Gosh, people are dropping like flies for reciting, nay, mumbling nursery rhymes and playing thirties songs containing references to sleepy lagoons and here are these guys selling an adhesive called Sticks Like Shit? Boy, you gotta love ‘em!! There’s some small hope after all.”
”Aint that the truth. Right, how many tubes d’you want?”
”Can I just check the instructions on a tube first please?”
”That you can but do you really feel it’s absolutely necessary to check the instructions for a product that’s called Sticks Like Shit?”
”I get your drift. One tube it be then my good fellow.”
Later, after a pit-stop at Burger King, where, fortuitously, it was something call King of the Day and I got two for the price of one, I arrived home and did my thing. You know what? That stuff sticks like shit! Oh, and there were no instructions on the tube other than to, ‘Coat one surface’.
Quote; Tim Vine.
“I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.”
No comments:
Post a Comment