3 Sep 2013

And Then Autumn Beckons….

As summer draws to a close it seemed like as good a time as any to give the garden some attention. Or to put it another way, my little nest of vipers decided it was a good time for me to give the garden some attention.

After screaming, 'Attennnnn-tion!!' at the garden for a few minutes, and being completely ignored, it became depressingly obvious I'd need to indulge in some of that 'hands on' stuff. 

Armed with a small digging implement, herein after called a trowel, I decided to do some de-weeding and removing of dead or dying flowers.

How you do this de-weeding is a matter of personal choice with the accepted body positions being doubled over from the waist, kneeling and shuffling from weed excavation to weed excavation or, my age favoured position, lying down and rolling along in an undignified manner. Anyone who has ever consumed waaaaaay too much drink  and had the inexplicable urge to consume another half bottle will be familiar with this mode of personal transportation.

However, even this method of movement has its drawbacks because a roll to the next weed has a fifty – fifty chance of resulting in you lying on your back thus requiring a major and exhausting squirming, thrashing manoeuvre so's to be the right way up and thus face to face with a weed.

After completing a risk assessment and placing hazard cones at the end of the street to divert traffic into a one way system with no apparent way out, kitting out in the required safety apparel comprising natty high-viz waistcoat, safety goggles, steel toe-capped boots with ample ankle support, trowel proof elbow length gloves and hard hat with chinstrap and finally giving this rolley, squirmy, thrashy around and about  game my best shot for well over ten minutes, in fact a whole ten minutes and ten seconds, I decided to adopt old faithful tactics. 

These old tactics entail re-designating my weeds as wild flowers and as such should be left alone so as to encourage the wild life I nurture here. Assuming snails, slugs and weird looking things with many legs, some with wings, some with horns and some with pointy teeth can be classed as wild life. The dead and dying flowers? As before, leave 'em. They're going to spread seed, right? Thus alleviating the need to bend, kneel or roll around on the ground planting stuff next spring.

"That looks better, don't ya think?" I proudly enquired of her indoors.
"What you do then?" she quite reasonably questioned.
"I rolled that area of pea gravel, over there, with my body no less. Man, it was a mess!" I smiled proudly pointing at the pea gravel area. 

She looked at me with that look that suggests I be nuts.
She said, "You be nuts."

Exhausted, but with a tremendous sense of satisfaction, I proceeded indoors, showered and reconnected with the sofa. I'll move the traffic hazard cones sometime next week.

Quote;  Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered."

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