Had these a while so thought I’d share. Are they old. You’d better believe it!! No idea what rank a SMNCK or a CPOCK are I’m afraid. Ah, Ha!! Yes I do. The clue’s in the reading, right?
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has levelled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, British Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, New Zealand Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the centre seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Chief Petty Officer Cook Australian Navy, retired. Never married, two sons - both Admirals.
Officer: "Sailor, do you have change for a Pound?"
Sailor: "Sure, mate."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again! Sailor, do you have change for a Pound?"
Sailor: "No, Sir!"
A CPOCK and a young Officer were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The Officer shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Me? Go ahead, slap it on. My wife’s no idea what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
"Well," snarled the tough old Chief Cook to the bewildered SMNCK, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
”Not me Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I never want to stand in line again!"
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, New Zealand Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the centre seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Chief Petty Officer Cook Australian Navy, retired. Never married, two sons - both Admirals.
Officer: "Sailor, do you have change for a Pound?"
Sailor: "Sure, mate."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again! Sailor, do you have change for a Pound?"
Sailor: "No, Sir!"
A CPOCK and a young Officer were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The Officer shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Me? Go ahead, slap it on. My wife’s no idea what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
"Well," snarled the tough old Chief Cook to the bewildered SMNCK, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
”Not me Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I never want to stand in line again!"
Quote; Phyllis Diller.
“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbour.”
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