29 Oct 2011

And Then, Some Truly Serious DIY….

I'm sure you're all aware that that old guy who's standing in 'till we find a proper Home Secretary *** Sorry, he's Justice Secretary*** has more or less said it's cool to set about burglars and such when discovered on your premises.

That's okay, but I have this nightmare of noises being heard, her indoors waking me to go investigate, me suggesting paper-scissors-rock to decide who investigates, her winning, me suggesting best of three, her winning and, after loosing best of nine, I tentatively proceed down the stairs.

What do I find? I find a multi-pierced, blue ink picture-book of a man mountain rummaging through our meagre belongings. He's obviously a burglar as he's wearing a cloth cap, a Lone Ranger mask, a stripy 'T' shirt and is carrying a bag tagged 'SWAG'. But he knows I can now do him harm. But he also knows I haven't a got a cat in a sacks chance.

We lock eyes and as he advances on me I retreat backwards towards the kitchen, finally backing up to the cutlery draw.

Maintaining eye contact, and jibbering incoherently, I frantically but quietly, fumble behind me in the draw 'till my hand is finally, firmly and reassuringly wrapped round the handle of what I assume to be the biggest, but possibly, like me, not the sharpest, knife in the draw.

Thus prepared, I launch myself towards the hulk.

This is the moment, to my horror and way too late, I realize I'm advancing, like a screaming whirling Dervish, brandishing an egg whisk.

Thanks to my good bud Rickey, who pointed me to the item below, that nightmare stuff could change.

I have to confess, I haven't yet seen them in B & Q, but, come the day, you just know these 'little' suckers are going to fly off the shelves over here.

I now understand the phrase, "I nailed his ass…"

Really, what can you say? Neeeeeeed one, I'm talkin' about.


New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.

A must have for every home in America!
NAIL GUNS! AND, you don't even have to REGISTER them or have a LICENSE! AND, you don't have to worry about them being CONCEALED!
Once in awhile something so totally cool comes out that even a guy who doesn't normally even know what he'd like for Father's Day or Christmas would immediately ask for it.

Quote; Al Capone.

"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."

No comments: