26 Sep 2011

And Then There Was A Competition….

'Her indoors' took a break from sanding the part of the wall wot woz ready. By the way Anonymous, It was pink, but a livid red raw by break time.

This seriously reined in her rapier like repartee and thus, being unable to talk, she turned on the TV.

There was a phone-in competition on the program that went something like this; 'What's the name of the coloured paper thrown at weddings?' Remember, this is daytime TV so, as a helping hand, it was multiple choice;
A – Spaghetti. B – Confetti. C – Graffiti. You know what? I bet these competitions are aimed at maximizing the number of exorbitantly charged phone calls. I bet it works. Providing the phone's by the sofa.

Oh, and she got it wrong. I think. Just a mumbly, gurgly noise really, as she attempted to find a resting place for her tattered tongue.

This complex competition reminded me of a tale from the mists of time when Cilla Black, bless her, had a talky type radio program somewhere round Mersypool or Liverside, or some such. Quiz time, and our Cilla asked the little Liverpudlian lady on the phone this question;
"What was Hitler's first name?"
"Oooh, Cilla I know this one. Give me a minute. It's on the tip of me tongue Cill……"
"I'm going to have to hurry you pet. What was Hitler's first name?"
"Wait!! I've got it!! It was Heil!"

Barry, thanks for the little story below. Hope you don't mind it being posted here? Too late old boy.

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said;

"I'm so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
"But who's in the second hearse?" He inquired further.
"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife and the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow your dog?"
"Get in line."

Quote; Emo Philips.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

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