8 Jul 2011

And Then, Well, What’s Happening….

I go away for three days and leave you in charge, and what happens? Well? Three days was all. Stop it! Don’t sulk, it’s too late for that…. Huhne!! What’re you doing? What? No, we don’t want to see your windmill, so put it away and pay attention! Stupid boy. Right, what did I ask you to do while I was away? Remember? Just have some fun and take care of the place. That’s all. Was that too much to ask for? It seems it was, so it seems and sadly seems so. So sad.

I get back and just look at the place. Toys all over the place, crayon scribbling on the walls, ginger beer spilt everywhere, the worlds getting warmer, colder, drier, wetter, gas up, electricky up, food up, newspapers shut, {Our reporter then made his excuses and left…} people paying bungs to the plod, the plod accepting said bungs, phones hacked. What’s wrong with you all? Seems you can’t be trusted with even the simplest of ‘things to look after’ lists. And now it’s raining.

Anyhoo, seems an awful lot of important people are facing an awful lot of grief eh? Man, they’re so deep in so much of that fan hitting stuff aren’t they? Tell you what though, it’s made more headlines than that bit about our leaders ‘needing’ to store and read all our e-mails. Say what? Oh, they’re taking bungs for that information as well? I see. I guess that’s why it was only phones the naughty folk were flogging at then.

Some things never change though, and it’s good to see bits of the Royal Family are still being used as the soothing, cool cotton wool on the bottom of news bulletins.

These really, really important people think they’ve got really, really big problems, right? All the grief in the world? Careers finished? Possible, don’t hold your breath, gaol time?

Rubbish. All their problems are dwarfed into insignificance by my problem. Their problems are but a miniscule blip on the radar of misfortune compared to my humongously enlarged echo of a problem.

‘Oh, wow!’ I hear the sadder of you gasp. So what’s this problem then? The batteries on the TV remote have just died and I’ve none in the house. Now, let me tell you, that’s a problem. I’m talkin’ about.

The only recently bigger problem I’ve had was the time I dropped the last lighter flint I had and couldn’t find it.

The first quote doesn’t fit this post other than I’ve just been way down in our South – and it made me laugh.

Quote; Anonymous.

“If we’d known then what we know now, we would've picked our own cotton.”

Edgar Watson Howe.

News; anything that makes a woman say, ‘For heavens sake!!’”

Sir Edward Burne-Jones;
taken from an American newspaper.

“Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died, unmarried, four years ago.”

George Ade.

“He’d been kicked in the head by a mule when younger, and believed everything he read in the Sunday papers.


Steve Millar said...

Hey...Don't give us the 'I was on holiday' excuse. All this turmoil happened on your shift. I for one never received a memo to take care of the world for 3 days whilst you went a-wandering.
Guess we all get the sack then??

Mac said...

Just learning from my 'betters' old friend. "I'm the boss; it happened on my watch; but I'm accepting absolutely no responsibility. So there!!"

Steve Millar said...

Just had a great idea. Instead of using oil rigs to produce that dirty stuff, why don't we get the 80 of a crew with an anemometer in each hand stand on the helideck with them all wired up to a big battery.