30 Jun 2011

And Then There Was A Trip….

Things may go quiet here soon. I have absolutely no idea why I’m telling me this as I already know.

Firstly, it’s the big shed day tomorrow. No, it’s not a big shed. It’s a big day for sheds, my shed. Cool? It’s being delivered A.M. so I guess I’ll be called upon by ‘my little nest of vipers’ to hold bits while she hammers nails into it. No rest is there?

Nextly, after a couple of days, we’re off to London for a while – business, not pleasure. As London’s way down south I doubt they have the Inter-web yet, hence I won’t be here.

As it’s been many years since I’ve visited London, I thought it’d be prudent to brush-up on the etiquette expected of strangers to the city. This is the help I managed to come up with, all of which should stand her and he, I, in good shape for most day-to-day encounters while ‘down the Smoke’.

{My favourites? 3 – 6 – 7}

I hope these tips help other stick dwellers who may need to visit our countries capital at some point in time.

1: When travelling by train, remember that
it is considered impolite not to help anyone
who is doing The Times crossword puzzle.

2: Comments from the public are always
welcome in courts of law. When you start
speaking, an usher will call, ‘Silence in court’
to ensure that you are heard without interruption.

3: London barbers are delighted to shave
patrons’ armpits.

4: Most tourists know that in London they
are encouraged to take a piece of fruit, free
of charge, from any open-air stall or display.

5: Women are not allowed upstairs on
buses; if you see a woman there ask her
politely to descend.

6: Don’t forget to try the famous echo in
the British Museum Reading Room.

7: On first boarding an Underground train,
it is customary to shake hands with every
passenger in your carriage.

8: London taxi drivers have a code of ethics
which prohibits them from accepting tips. In
fact they may become agitated and verbally
aggressive if offered one.

9: If you’re in a rush, it’s considered appropriate
to make your way directly to the front of any queue.

10: London street newspaper vendors are a
really useful source of tourist information.

1 & 2 – P. Alexander
3 - V. F. Corleone
4 – M. Lipton
5 – D. Gordon
6 – G. Hoffnung
7 - R. J. Phillips
8 – 9 –10 - Anon

Quote; Bettte Midler.

“When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.”

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