4 Jan 2011

And Then There Was Rhyme Stuff….

A bit of an old ballad popped up yesterday which later reminded me of a wondrous WWW whats’it which I had all but forgotten from many years ago when the WWW was but an infant. Back in the days when the total of all web sites could be listed in a medium sized book.

Having forgotten about it, then reminded of it, I went and clicked on the bookmark for the WWW address of smiles to see if he was still alive.

It's still here!! No, it's still there!!

Now I know we’re not all amused by the same sort of stuff so some of you will click along and right quick click through. Others will enjoy what's on offer. Sadly, probably the older readers. I’m assuming, of course, that you haven’t already found this site, quite possibly wrongly, but there you go.

As is customary, I must give the Foggy warning regarding this 'ere site wot you may go to. A toughie this one; if you read the two samples below and decide to click and go, be warned, you may well loose the rest of your evening, and more, as you say to yourself, 'Okay, just one more...' over, and over, and over, and over……

No quote today just a couple of ‘samples’ and the link.

ANY NEWS OF THE ICEBERG?
Les Barker.

On a cold rainy night on a Liverpool quayside
In the years before the great war
The world was in shock at the loss of Titanic,
So proud had they been days before:
Relatives gathered for news of their loved ones,
To read through the list of the dead,
When into the throng came a sad eyed old polar bear:
And to the clerk at the counter he said:

Have you got any news of the iceberg?
My family were on it you see:
Have you got any news of the iceberg?
They mean the whole world to me.

My wife and my children were coming from Greenland,
To be by my side in the zoo:
Belinda's my wife, and the eldest's called Bernard:
And Billy, well, he's only two.
I know on the ship there were hundreds of people,
And I know that the iceberg's not yours:
The polar bear's eyes held the start of his teardrops:
He covered his face with his paws.

Have you got any news of the iceberg?
My family were on it you see:
Have you got any news of the iceberg?
They mean the whole world to me.

It's been over a year since I last saw my children,
I left home to build a career:
I've worked very hard, I'm a star in the circus:
It's all been for nothing I fear.
There's my face on the poster: we're in town this week:
My children were meeting me here:
Everyone watched as he struggled to speak,
As his paw brushed away one more tear:

Have you got any news of the iceberg?
My family were on it you see:
Have you got any news of the iceberg?
They mean the whole world to me.

By now all the people had gathered beside him,
His grief was one they could share:
The people around him, in silence and sadness
Listened to the sad polar bear
I wanted my children to see me performing:
And Belinda, she would have been so proud..
At last lost for words, and his tears flowing freely,
The question was asked by the crowd:

Have you got any news of the iceberg?
My family were on it you see:
Have you got any news of the iceberg?
They mean the whole world to me.

THE DOGGIES MEETING
Anonymous.

The doggies held a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motor cycle,
And some by motor car
Each doggie passed the doorway,
Each doggie signed the book
Each one un-shipped his asshole
And hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited
It sorely raised his ire
He ran into the meeting hall
And loudly shouted "Fire!"
It threw them in confusion
And without a second look
Each grabbed another's asshole
From off another hook.

And that's the reason why sir,
When walking down the street
And that's the reason why sir,
When doggies chance to meet
And that's the reason why sir,
On land, abroad or home
They'll sniff each other's backside...
To see if it's their own.

FOR YOUR DELECTATION: A SYMPOSIUM OF JOCULAR MONOLOGUES, HUMOROUS RECITATIONS & WHIMSICAL POETRY

3 comments:

Caratacus said...

Thanks a million times for that link Mac, absolutely brilliant.

Ref: Rob Wilton - do you remember one monologue which has a stanza, " The captain came up on the bridge and said 'Lads - the old tub's going down, to the boats every man, except you' I said, 'Me?' He said 'Yes there's no room, you must drown' "

Ee, the best is gone...

Mac said...

Caratacus,

Pleased you're enjoying the link. Thank you for nudging my memory back there. I hope others find the site and enjoy the brilliance of those bygone entertainers. Why don't I put a link on the left? Okay, I will....

Mac said...

Caratacus,
I'm sure you've found it; the link to your quoted text;
http://monologues.co.uk/Robb_Wilton/Back_Answers.htm