3 Jan 2011

And Then There Was The Mekon….

If I haven't linked to this old post before - I have now. And STILL they build windmills.

A posh boys school, before, somewhere near Westminster;

"Right boys, today we're going to discuss the best way to keep the lights on in our country in years to come. Huhne junior!! Pay attention! You look like you're in a world of your own."
"Sorry Miss, I was in a world of my own."
"Well boys, what options do we have? Anyone have any ideas? No? Well, we have nuclear energy. A lot of people think it's not safe, but neither is crossing the road. There's coal. Now, we have lots and lots of that and it's worked really well for a long time. There's also wind power but that's pretty well been proven to be a waste of time, money and a complete waste of space. So boys what do you think?"
"Miss, please Miss, what do the buildings look like?"
"The buildings? Oh, well power stations are just very big buildings with tall chimneys and cooling towers. New technology will make them far less of an eye sore though."
'Can they make the nuclear ones light up like the Northern Lights? Like, all shimmering greens an' reds an' blues an' stuff?"
"Only if something goes very, very wrong. It's 'and', not 'an'. Stupid boy."
"Oh. What would wind stuff look like Miss?"
"There will need to be thousands and thousands of windmills that will provide minimal power on the very few days when the winds just right and will cost ordinary people lots of money."
"What are ordinary people Miss? All of us?"
"No, no. Not all of us. Remember that field trip we went on last month? When we showed you what a supermarket was? Remember all those strange people in there we kept you boys away from? Well, those were ordinary people. You boys will probably get some of the ordinary peoples green wind tax and subsidies money in fact."
"Ugh, horrible people. How big will these windmills be Miss?"
"Ridiculously big. I mean huge. With really, really big twirly whirly bits on top."
"Wow! Like aliens then? Like something out of 'War of the Worlds' then?"
"Yes, or from a long time ago, Dan Dare. You could almost picture The Mekon flying round them....."
"The Mekon Miss?"
"The Mekon. A weird little green guy who floated about on a dinner plate."
"A green guy? On a plate? Oh, wow!! How cool is that then!! Aliens, green guys, twirly whirly bits and money for us?"
"Boys, boys - yes, you as well Huhne Junior, I just told you how ridiculously expensive and useless windmills are. Remember? Well, do you?"

It was too late. boys will be boys and their little heads were now full of dreams of windmills with twirly whirly bits, little green men and free candyfloss. They could almost taste the candyfloss.

"Miss, Miss, windmills Miss. Windmills. Please, please, we want windmills!! We want windmills!!"

Amid much excited desk banging, the cry went up from the children, "WINDMILLS!! bang-bang-bang. WINDMILLS!! bang-bang-bang. WINDMILLS!! bang-bang-bang."

And so it came to pass that the little boys, with their love of science fiction and free candyfloss, set in motion the countries inexorable journey back to the dark ages.

Where's Dan Dare when you need him.....

The Mekon; Waiting For Wind

Quote; Arabian Proverb.

"The discontented child cries for toasted snow."


Caratacus said...

Going to disgrace myself now Mac ... but it's your fault!

"The First Mates name was Carter,
By God he was a farter,
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go,
They asked Carter the farter to start her.."


Mac said...

Ah, the old Venus, she was a good ship.
And on the same 'note' why not pop along here - for it's a funny old world indeed. Couldn't make the X-Factor any worse could it?

Caratacus said...

Didn't Captain Methane appear on "Britain's Got Talent"? Amanda Holden looked quite moved I thought...