3 May 2010

And Then There Was A Tomato Planter…..

I did went and got me a Topsy Turvey. Yup, a Topsy Turvey. This is a special planter to grow tomatoes upside down. Yup, upside down.

Hullo? You still with me? Come on! You’ve got to keep up ‘couse I haven’t got much time now. I can here nursey coming down the hall so it must be pill time.

I got one, got him home and put him together. Then I shoved the little tomato plant up Mr. Topsy's bottom and filled him with that imitation soil stuff. It’s got a name, what is it now, campsite?

That composer soil stuff is weighty isn't it? Mr. Topsy’s getting a tad heavy. I’ll just hang him up there I think. Looks strong enough. Next, add a whizz of water. Next, clean up, put it all back together, fix a stronger hanger thing to the wall and try again. Looking good this time. Got ya’!

Oh, oh. Door opening. Must be nursey. Quick, close your eyes and she won't see you.

“Now then young man, here’s your pill. What are you up to over there?”

“I was just talking to my pretend friend about Mr. Topsy.”

“Isn't that lovely. Mr. Topsy Fluffy Tail, the bunny rabbit?”

“Say WHAT now? Oh, no, no, Mr. Topsy the upside down tomato grower.”

“That’s nice dear. You know what? As a little treat, I'm going to let you have two pills tonight. And let’s see if we can't get another notch on all these belt buckles shall we?”

Right, she’s gone, but I’ll have to finish quick. My fingers are starting to go numb. You ready? Oh, for the love of.... HAY, she's gone, open your eyes so I can see you. Are you READY? Ah, there you are. That's better.

Mr. Topsy has been hanging for three days now and I’ll be damned if it don’t work! The tomato is getting bigger by the hour. Only problem I can see at the moment is that there must be some sort of instruction in the DNA of growing things that says, ‘Direction of Growth - UP’. Sure, it’s getting bigger, but has turned 180 degrees and is growing back up towards Mr. Topsy’s bottom. It doesn’t seem to understand that with Mr. Topsy he should be growing down.

This may be a tomato debacleo – soon shall we be seeingo.

Could this natural growing direction have some bearing on the fact that Mr. Topsy cost me £10, down from £20, and now I see he can be got on the Web-a-Net for £3. Does this signify the tremendous success, or the dismal failure of Mr. Topsy?

Or do they just know there are people out there gullible enough to be taken in by any and all of these weird gadge...... Oh.

I’ll watch the tomato and see if gravity takes over as he gets bigger, although watching tomatoes grow is not the most exciting of hobby’s. S’ppose I could move my basket weaving chair over there, but that would mean having to do two things at once, watching and weaving, weaving and watching; and that might well be just one step too far.

It’s starting to get warm and fuzzy in my head... you'd better go now.

Quote; Andre Breton.

“The man that can’t visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.”

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