And Then A Little Fracking…

   I spotted in the ‘news’ a couple of daze ago that a substantial natural gas field had been found below our feet that, with fracking, could keep us warm for an estimated ten years. Let’s say six years with our ever expanding number of bestest ever friends from warmer climates wot will want to keep warm 24/7.
And the response of our Net Zero common sense zar? Why ban all fracking of course.
Anyhoo, it jogged my old heed back to 2013 and a post regarding a planned protests at an onshore oil drilling site wot’s below;
   How it may have gone down;
Important police person, “We have very reliable intelligence that those protesters, camped over the road, are planning a spot of civil disobedience shortly and we’re advising you to shutdown operations for a while.”
“Well, that’ll cost us a shed load o’ money but I guess we’d better shut down like you say then.”
“Good. We’ll be in touch when it’s all over. Hay, if there’s any tofu on site, best lock it up before you go, eh?”
   How it should’ve gone down;
Important police person, “We have very reliable intelligence that those protesters, camped over the road.....”
“Camping? You mean trespassing, right?” Interrupts the Drill-site Manager.
“Errrr.... Anyway, reliable intelligence that they’re planning a spot of civil disobedience shortly and we’re advising you to shutdown operations for a while.”
“Whoa!! Let’s see if I’ve got that right. You know that some of those that are trespassing over the road are planning to, in effect, attack our perfectly legal workplace?”
“Errrrr..... That’s about right.” Shuffling his feet somewhat.
“And you want US to shut down? US?”
“Errrrr.....” Nervously glancing left and right.
“Didn’t I read somewhere that old Bill can now arrest people for inciting unrest an’ stuff? Even for just thinking about it? Or was that last bit just something I picked up in the Daily Mail? Anyhoo, why don’t you leave us alone and just whizz over there and lift the instigators? And keep hold of ‘em eh? Seems every time you drag one of ‘em away, giggling and smiling for the cameras, they’re back in twenty four hours after a shower and some nose-bag. Which reminds me; that guy we sent to the village for milk a couple of weeks ago? The guy who had to push his way back to the gate and that beardy-weirdy shouted, ‘Assault’. Remember? Any chance of getting him back before we finish up here?”
“Errrrr.....” unnecessarily checking the shine on his shoes.
“Never mind. Let’s try this so there’s no mistake. If this was my house and you knew that a couple of guys in a car over the road were planning to break in, you’d pop round and advise me to move out ‘till the house’d been done over, right?”
“Errrrr.....” Sweat forming on brow and in armpits.
“Rather than move out, am I correct in believing it’s now acceptable to use reasonable force, if confronted with a stranger in my house and to restrain said bad guy ‘till you lot’v completed your Risk Assessment and roll up to arrest or caution him?”
“Errrrr... Oh, wait a minute!! I can answer that one. It is, indeed, acceptable to do as you say.” He beamed, dreamily lost in thoughts of Risk Assessment paperwork.
“Here’s my plan then.” Said the Drill-site Manager, “I was going to construct a big fence, topped with razor wire, round the work-site. Sadly, after this conversation and if we are attacked, all I can see you boys doing is issuing health and safety advice on the use of wire cutters and ladders. With that in mind, instead of all your chaps cluttering up the place, doing nothing, at great expense, could you just keep a couple of them out there to direct traffic and send the rest of them back to doing nothing where they came from? Are you up for that?”
“Errrrr.... Oh, traffic. That we are! May get some ticketing in as well!!”
“Okay; here’s what we’re going to do at this perfectly legal work-site where, by the way, we’re drilling, conventionally, for oil and not fracking for gas. Got that bit? Good. Please tell the BBC then. Please.
“Right, what we’re going to do is spray paint a line round this legal site and I’m bringing fifty guys in from other locations and we’ll form a ring of Roughnecks round the site. We’ll be five feet inside our perimeter so those musty, fusty, crusty fools will have time, as they advance, to realise the folly of their action before they get their lights punched out.”
“Errrr.... Fifty? Come on! There could be as many as five hundred of those musty... members of the public ready to att... cause civil unrest!!”
“You’re right. Fifty Roughnecks is probably a tad over the top. Thirty then; on split shifts. All done? Good, we’ve got an oil well to drill here so bu-by.”
    Let’s finish with an old fracking clip. Just substitute the lady in the clip with any of our net zero common sense leaders.
Timidadians? No warning required as anything naughty is only in the ear of the beholder... Okay, be warned;

Quote; Margaret Atwood.

“Would I laugh?"
"Matter of fact, you would," says Zeb. "Heart like shale. What you need is a good fracking.”

And Then They Give A Little….

   I was in receipt of a joyous letter the other day from those wot would rule over us. Yup, they’re going to send me some ‘free’ money soon to help with heat and light bills again this winter - or for a couple of weeks anyway. How generous of them is that then?
    Sadly, come January those same folk up there will be taking very substantially more than that handout back off me by way of tax.
    The ‘free’ money letter stated that the money they plan to give me was calculated automatically. Given this, in this day and age, why didn’t the script kiddies offer this cunning bit o’ code to the tax folk so’s to enable them to deduct that money from eligible folks tax bills or credited it to those not in the tax trap? Same difference and would save our money being spend on yet one more govern-metal department.
    That’ll never happen will it as it then wouldn’t seem like them up there were giving away free money would it?
    Tell you wot, get drilling, fracking and mining and make available reasonably priced, home grown energy. Now there’s a novel idea. ‘They’ could also try for ditching that EU thingy and go for net zero value added tax...

Quote; ??

“Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.”

And Then, Missed That...

   Below is an interesting comment from Doonhamer relating to Risky Sad-Sack and his ‘plan’ to import fracked gas from the US rather than frack for it here  and the kicker for me, which is pretty obvious once pointed out, is, “The whole point of this is to make renewables seem cheap.” Spot Doonhamer.
   ”This gas from US of A a is very expensive to start with, then it is expensively compressed, with need to get rid of heat (Anybody who has used a bicycle pump will know about temperature rise when compressing gas), then it is shipped in very strange ships carrying what look like very large spheres which must be kept cool, then at this end when decompressing lots of heat must be added just to stop the system icing up.
   The whole point of this is to make renewables seem cheap.
   The only smart financial deal that Rishi has ever pulled off has been to marry a billionaire.
I paraphrase an old truism. How can Sunak make us a small fortune? Start off with a large fortune.” 
   Says it all does it not?
   Let’s finish with a three AM of a morn’ ear worm. I like this, cool lyrics*, it could be the Foggy anthem. Sadly, I don’t think we’re quite ready, at this time, to rise up ting-ting...

*Lyrics: As mentioned before, means the words and shouldn’t be confused with a form of attire favoured by cyclists.

Quote;  Sean Hampton.

“A dream without ambition is like a car without gas... you're not going anywhere.”

And Then The Go Ahead...

   I see the BBC is really, really upset at the news that fracking has been given the go ahead – with the usual totally limiting conditions of course.
   Back in the day I well {no pun} remember that as an oil or gas well started to slow in production, well stimulation was done. Stimulation? A posh term for fracking. I’ll guarantee it’s still a thing. And not a platform nor a jack-up rig has ever crashed through the seabed as a result of the well stimulation. To my knowledge...
   Time for this very old clip again you think?
   Oh, just in case, please ensure the little ones and those of a nervous disposition are out of hearing range before you do the clicky thingy. However that’s just a precaution as anything you perceive as being naughty will only be triggered by your own naughty head as the word fracking is, like, a totally legitimate word,  okay?

Quote;  Sean Hampton.

“A dream without ambition is like a car without gas... you're not going anywhere.”

And Then I Relented...

...and had ‘em installed. Man, what’s he gibbering on about now I hear me say. Smart meters. Yup, we had ‘em installed a few days ago. Why? Well, after that attack on my heart and the realization as to how uncertain our exit time is, I’ve been doing wot I can to make my departure as stress free as possible for my little nest of vipers. Okay, she’ll probably go home but there will still be a goodly period when she’s here, home alone. With all the important stuff taken care of meter reading sprang to mind and now they’re installed that’s  everything on automatic for her; including automatic payments for everything covered for a couple of years. How cool is that then? She can now relax and concentrate on her extensive colander collection.

Anyhoo, the smart meters? At time of typing all the electrical and  gasical stuff still works as it did before.

The thing that struck me was when the engineer rolled up. It’s an age thing I know but I expected to answer the door to a grizzled old guy exuding years of experience. Wot was standing there was a fellow who looked like he was bunking off school... but giving that no never mind in he came and had the job snuffed up within a couple of hours with no fuss – no muss. Let’s not forget the natty little handheld thingy wot shows meter readings, wot you’re using and wot it’s costing – and most importantly, the Co2 you’re humble home is pumping out. This climate ‘calamity’ is relentless from all angles is it not?

Interestingly, as part of the service, the engineer was obliged to pass on energy saving top tips and these I’ll condense and pass on to you all. Bottom line? If you turn everything off and never turn it on again, the savings on your energy bills can be quite dramatic. Who knew?

Quote;  Scott Adams.

“Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.”

And Then It’s A Gas...

As the media continue to excitedly report on the adverse weather conditions and the apparent misery being inflicted on one and all by said weather, all reported by mainly young lady reporters standing in the wind and snow in various locations around the country, I can confirm one point they’re repeatedly making, it for sure is damn cold. Anyhoo, this morning that form of news lasted wot seemed like forever.

Finally they switched to the young lady linker reporter in the studio who stated there was a close to critical shortage of gas in the system at present owing to high demand and, despite continually telling those outside reporters how cold they looked and just telling folk at home not to travel but stay home and keep warm, asked an expert, “So what do you think is causing this huge spike in gas demand?” I’m honestly not sure which way this works. Are these presenters and reporters really as thick as a brick or are they convinced their audience really is dumber un a rock? Bit of two way traffic?

Amazingly, the ‘expert’ kept clam, didn’t blink and said it was probably due to the particularly cold weather we’re experiencing. It was the BBC so the ‘expert’ managed to work in the point that wind was a major contributor of electrickery generation right now. At the conclusion of that stunningly probing and informative exchange, I pulled on a woolly pulley and went for a wander.

It is this level of journalism that decided me on the plural form for more than one journalist that I used the other day; a scribble of reporters? No, a thicket of reporters. I could go on. A thicket of MP’s? Academics? Teachers? Pardon? Bushes you say? Oh, please, bushes have feelings you know.

Quote;  Mark Twain.

“Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd have frozen to death.”

And Then We May Get Gas...

So Savage Javid has given the thumbs-up to Cuadrilla to get going, after six years, to drill and frack for gas in Lancashire.

You think that’s it? Not at all and as I’m sure Cuadrilla will be only too aware all the usual suspects are about to crawl out of the undergrowth;  environmentalists – and how apt is the last part of that name then – greens, led by that perpetually gurning Caroline Lacklustre woman and any and all professional protesters who’ll rally to any cause that demands the banning of something; anything as long as it involves tents, a campfire singing-along, lashing and lashings of tofu and a dose of arm-linked. slogan chanting confrontation with authority. And a chance of getting on TV of course; but that’s only common sense. They’ll all be ‘planning’ to do all in their ‘power’ to stop, or at a minimum, disrupt the company going about their legal business. Sadly, for the most part ably assisted by those boys in blue who, in these situations, seem to be at a loss to understand which ‘side’ they should be on.

This gives me an excuse to re-post a post I posted some time ago relating to similar to that wot’s about to take place on these drill sites. However, I do hope that Cuadrilla upper management take holidays, turn off their phones etcetera, and let the guys on-site take care of any attempted disruption to operations. The police also need to be elsewhere as well. 

Quote;  Dave Barry.

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

And Then It’s Whereabouts Is Confirmed….

I was always quietly confident I knew where they got gas from but it’s always good to have your beliefs confirmed by cleaver people who are paid, as unlikely as that may seem in this instance, to ensure us un-cleaver people are kept fully up to snuff about stuff.

Thus we have a report reported by a reporter{?} writing for The Argus, and I’m not sure what that is although I suspect it’s something for Sussex dwellers, telling us dumb folk this;

An energy company is looking to carry out more drilling across West Sussex if it finds shale gas underground.

Nothing found above ground then? See that? Let’s see what he’s telling us. ‘…if it finds shale gas underground’.  Finds shale gas underground. Underground? Find gas underground? Seems my previous suspicions as to  the probable whereabouts of that sneaky ol’ gas stuff where right on the money all along! It’s underground! I was right!! It transparencies I am not to be so dumb as wot I properly thinked I could have gone done and been. However, in the other foot…… Never mind, why was we? Ah yes, now you remembered…

Gas is underground. Oh, for heavens sake, don’t it just make you want to  run out and re-subscribe to Beano? The Beano, a comic that, when compared to most modern day news sources, was a masterfully constructed work of enjoyable, informative and educational genius.

In other gaseous news I see Timmy, Good-hand Yeo has gotta go. Yo Dave! How’s that ringing endorsement of Timmy working out for ya now ol’ buddy?  Another bummer eh?  It’s all a bit strange as I always thought Timmy was a well-liked sort of chap as evidenced by the large number of people who seem to worship the ground he’s going to.

It’s also jolly interesting to note that Timmy himself stated the vote had been an ‘in or out’ knife-edge jobby. It’s also interesting to note that his gangland pals are going to keep the vote results secret, as you would, the result being such a near run thing an’ all. Something smell a tad gassy there? Makes you wonder how much of a knife-edge that knife-edge thingy really was, does it not?

Quote;  Steve Maraboli.

“If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others, you are going to run out of gas.”

And Then A Scary Seismic Shift….

There’s a ‘must read’ bit of reading that really must be read over here.

This masterpiece of honest, well researched, non-biased reporting was carefully crafted by a recent school leaver who’s the  Energy and Resources Correspondent for The Independent and Evening Standard.

There are some absolutely wonderful moments through the piece, complemented by a low angle photo, but the highlight for me came with this stunner from a chap by the name of Harry Huyton who’s billed as being ‘head of energy and climate policy at the RSPB.’ And that sounds like a proper job, does it not?

So what did that lad say and sneak into print past the Energy and Resources Correspondents thirst for facts and the Editors eagle eye?

“….and The Wash – the “bite” out of the west coast between Lincolnshire and Norfolk……”

In the interest of fairness I must point out that Immediately after the above bit comes this bit which quite possibly explains the ‘West’ bit; “…….first fracking site, near Blackpool, was forced to suspend operations in 2011 after being found to have caused two earth tremors.”

What I bet most of you, along with myself, never realised was just how violent these tremors must’ve been to result in the seismic shift of the Wash from the East coast right over to  the West coast. This is truly remarkable news and just goes to show how scared we should be if this drilling thingy gets to kick-off. Who knows where you could wake up? This old movie line could well become common, with slight modification, throughout the UK; “Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore……”

And the water trucks!! The trucks!! Oh Gunga Din, the din of the water trucks!!

“………HGV trucks could pass near homes as many as 51 times a day as they travelled to and from the wells.  The ferrying of people and materials could continue for up to 145 weeks, or nearly three years, during which time trucks could pass by a given property more than 50,000 times.”

Wonderful investigative reportage and your grand title is well deserved.

So, you little whippersnapper of a correspondent, I’m guessing you’ll consider that to be Job Well Done then? Thousands of terrified old folk throughout the land? Hundreds not sure where they live anymore?  You know what’ll terrify them even more? When, quite soon, they find their lights won’t switch on and the heating won’t start.  But what the hay; they’re just old folk who clutter up the place smelling of boiled cabbage, right? I know – I’m one.

Quote;  Terry Pratchett.

“Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.”

            S. E. Hinton.

“Can you see the sunset real good on the West side? You can see it on the East side too.”

And Then Some Seasonal Greenery….

Along with all those windmill-in-the-water cancellations announced recently comes the sad, for those working there, news that pop!! goes a little sunny greenery manufacturing.

Electronics giant Sharp is ceasing solar panel production at its Wrexham factory with the loss of hundreds of jobs.

We’d better not forget this had we?

If all that isn’t enough to tip Crazy Davey completely over the edge, this chap pops up with yet more inconvenient truth talk. {If you’re at all interested, my first stab at ‘truth’ was ‘trooth’. How sad is that?}

However, out there in the real world far, far away from here, things are looking slightly more grown-up. 

Quote;  Scott Adams.

“Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet; stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.”

And Then A Word Of Thanks….

Dear Mr Camoron,

Following the announcement last week by British Gas of their plan to rise gas prices by 8.1% I have to admit, for a while, I felt lost as to what to do about this as there was no-one nearby to help me.

It transpired I was worrying needlessly as, within moments of the announcement, the flabby, limp, damp hand of the government reached out, took my own trembling paw and explained what I could do. Thank you. Thank you so much!

Both yourself and your crazy side-kick where most helpful with your advice regarding changing supplier. One of you mentioned this was so very simple and could even be done with a tablet. I tried with a stone tablet, which refused to responded, an Alka-Seltzer tablet, but that was just bubbles and little else, and a soap tablet which I couldn’t keep hold of long enough to do nuffink. I did try a table mat in case there’d been a miss-quote but no joy there either so I used a computer.

In conclusion, I’d just like to say thank you very big to yourself and Crazy for the stunningly obvious advice and, for your further information, I’d like to mention that I managed to complete the switch in the Clegg of time to take full advantage of the latest NPower offer of an 11.1% rise in gas prices which is 2.7% higher than the BG offer; a deal which I, and many others, may well have missed without your timely advice.

Tell you what Dave, slightly off topic, but my Unicorn’s about to have some baby Unicorns. You or Crazy want one for the kids? Drop me a line.

Anyhoo, I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank you for reminding me, again, that when it gets cold a woolly pulley will help me keep warm. Please remember to tell me when it gets warm again  so I can shed said woolly. Please don’t forget me.

As a by-the-by, I see several of your fellow hooks, crooks and comic singers are taking interviews and grabbing photo opportunities all snuggled up in woollies. You any idea how sad this looks? Dave, you boys may well believe us lot out here are all dumber-un-a-sack-o’-hair but, trust me, we’re not. Grow up, the lot of you and just admit you’ve absolutely no idea what’s going, what you’re doing or why you’re doing what you’re doing.

On the other hand Dave, you reckon stuff’ll start to improve once the Chinese and French get going with that nuke for us? On time and on budget? Hay, what can possibly go wrong? Both countries love us so very, very much, right?

Yours sincerely,

A Sack Of Hair.

Quote;  Joss Whedon.

“Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own.”