And Then Up She Rises…

   I’m sure you can relate to the utter shock I didn’t experience this morning on learning energy prices will pop up by ten percent just in time for winter.
   Never mind the risk of being repetitive, I’ll shamelessly repeat myself:
Oh to live on an island with easily protected borders. An island rich in deposits of coal, natural gas and oil thus enabling the government to ensure the population they were elected to protect and serve, can live in safety and have secure, readily available, reasonably priced energy.
   Anyhoo, couple this hike in energy prices with the loss of that winter energy ‘bonus’ thingy to very many elderly and a clip from The Big Bus, a very under-rated movie in my opinion, popped into my mind so here it is. All you have to do is think of it not about their seats but as a conversation between an elderly lady and Ed Mini-brain, our highly intelligent ‘climate expert’ - no, really he is - regards the expected warmth of their respective homes come the cold;

Quote; Breyten Breytenbach.

“Even ivory towers need central heating.”

And Then Up It Goes….

   Oh joyous daze. Just got word from our energy supplier that our lekky monthly DD for next year is going up by ten pounds from November. Is this something to do with fighting that climate thingy? If so, well done us I say.
    Even more reason for joy is that gas will come down by ten dabs so no change overall for next year then. For now but we won’t be doing any breath holding.
    We were also informed that every Sunday between 11:00 and 16:00 lekky will be billed at half price. With that info. We plan on only using the lights during that time. Say wot now? That’s mainly winter daylight time and we won’t need lights? Whoa! Double saving. How exciting is that then.
   I won’t stand back in amazement if further ‘savings’ are made this winter via blackouts to be blamed on various bits o’ bother round the globe...
    Finally, where are you Ripper? Hit me with a comment to let me know all’s well okay? Failing that, on the off chance this site is glanced at by an ex college who knows wot’s wot, drop a comment please. He was a welder with JCB, recently retired and renovating a recently purchased property. Thanks. I hope for good news... He was also a regular contributor at Nourishing Obscurity of course. Here’s a number from back a bit I remember he enjoyed;

Quote; Tim Allen.

“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”

And Then, Not So Smart...

   And that would be our smart meter. You remember me getting one a little bit after a while ago for the simple purpose of making life a tad less stressful for my little nest of vipers when I leave this mortal coil? Well, about fifteen days ago the little display thingy refused to connect with the smart{?} meter.
   Over the days I done did everything recommended to establish a connection, all to no avail.
   Anyhoo, yesterday I had a visit from B. Gas for the annual boiler service so I obviously asked wot was my problem. His reply? I was just one of many hundreds of thousands of smart{?} meters that they’d lost contact with. I say again, smart? So meter problem not the little display thingy then.
   His advice was to call B. Gas just to add my meter to the growing list of meters wot they’ve lost their connection with.
   Thus this morning was lost to hanging on the telephone listening to shabby choons and finally talking with a nice Indian lady. This conversation took quite some time as she had to slowly decode and translate my questions and I done did likewise with her answers.
   End result? They’re working on the connection problems, wait a pair of weeks and if there’s still no connection they’ll be in touch regards a possible engineer visit. Your call has been recorded for training purposes. That would be two way language training, right?
   Thus, at present, I’m back were I was before with dumb meters and having to submit readings. Isn’t modern technology such a wonderous thing eh? Put not all/any of your trust in computers.
   However, must look for a bit o’ loop mixing tech after listening to wot’s below.

Quote;  Mike Trout.

"Technology is ruled by two types of people: those who manage what they do not understand, and those who understand what they do not manage."

And Then, Useful Info...

   Our government has stated there is none to very little chance of blackouts this winter. So? Get ready for blackouts. And with that in mind, the good Ripper, a mine of useful information, left a comment last night wot I’m putting here as the info contained therein could be useful and of interest to some. Ice on windows? silver fish? Memories indeed. Don’t forget the hot water bottles... 
   It'll be just like the house I grew up in - ice on the inside of the windows in the morning, then sweltering after the fire is lit. We had next to nothing but the house was always warm, my dad was a coal miner and got a quarterly coal allowance from the old NCB. We had a big, polished cast fender and as a toddler I could always be found sitting on it, fascinated by the silverfish in the fireplace. Mention those to the smartphone generation and marvel at the blank stares. Even my own kids, who are in their 40's don't know what a silverfish is.
   I'm toying, yes toying - at the moment with ideas to circumvent those blackouts. I'm thinking of a generator (diesel, so I can run it on veg oil if necessary). You can get an automatic switch that switches between mains and generator when the power goes out. I can fit one of those and back-feed the house through a 50A MCB. A 750 KVA generator would feed the whole house. The larger ones are electric start and that can be made automatic as well.
   However, if you're not as fanatical about being as off-grid as I am, and just need something to tide you over until the power comes back on, here's two emergency ideas...
   Heat - take a round, flat tin can, about 4 inches in diameter and a couple of inches high (or cut one down). Cut some strips of corrugated cardboard, the same width as the height of the can. Roll them up until the roll is the same diameter as the can, then pack it in, not tightly but snug. Melt some candle wax (you can buy tea candles at about 100 for a quid) and pour the molten wax over the cardboard in your tin can, filling it to the brim and then let it cool. You now have a small camping stove that will burn for hours and boil a saucepan of water. Just light the entire wax surface. You'll get more effective heat from it if you stand it under a steel plate placed across a couple of bricks or something. Of course, the tin can will get hot - not hot enough to start a fire but too hot to touch. Probably best placed inside a flowerpot or something if used indoors.
   Light - Go to Aldi and get one of those Workzone LED work lights - you can stick it to any steel surface, hang it or fold the handle to make a stand. They run for about 5 hours on a full charge with 2 light settings. The dimmer setting is enough for an average room and will make the light run for longer. For light that goes with you, a rechargeable head light is invaluable. I bought a Good Year for working in the loft (electrics). It leaves my hands free, has 2 light settings, runs for around 5 hours on a charge and takes the same 18650 batteries as my electrofag, so I can use those if need be.

Quote;  George Gobel.

“If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”

            Ray Charles.

“What is a soul? It's like electricity - we don't really know what it is, but it's a force that can light a room.”

And Then Blackouts...

   It could be an interesting winter if the predictions of power cuts being trumpeted by the doom media come to pass could it not?
   It’ll be interesting to see how the smartphone generation react to it. I do hope they’ll understand that it’ll just be a small taste of the world they insist we, like, get to right quick so’s to, like, save the planet, okay? Bummer eh?
   And Christmas is coming and one wonders if we’ll be bombarded with those adverts for plastic Christmas trees festooned with lecky lights? Blackouts and the cost of electrickery? Could be a bleak mid winter for the guys who sell those suckers, eh?  Another bummer eh?
   Will we see a comeback of something you oldies will remember – or is it still a thing for some? Remember the proper tree with decorations all lit up with small wax candles? Remember that? Only laboriously lit for Christmas eve, the evening of Christmas day and boxing day evening. And let’s not forget the finger warming action of nipping ‘em all out a good hour before bed to ensure they were all snuffed out good an’ proper.
   I bet that’s stirred memories for some of you of an age.
  Let’s remember that was then. Now? I imagine fire brigades throughout the country could be contemplating that idea catching on with the masses these days with, like, total, like, dread...

Quote;  William Arthur Ward.

“Curiosity is the wick in the candle of learning.”

And Then A Cap...

   Well, so, I see little Tin Lizzy has announced a cap on our energy bills set at two and a half grand. I may have missed it but was it also announced the period this cap will last? Is it a year, a quarter, a month or just for next week? Anyhoo, pure magic is it not?
   Just seen it; it’s a year. A year? Every year?
  Thinking of all those folk holding – or threatening – strikes for cost of living rises plus a bit, should/if inflation slows, stops and possibly even drops, will they pay back wot they got?
   I see the Queen isn’t feeling well right now. So sad that she’s reached such a grand age and has probably never had the pleasure of sitting in that window seat in a burger joint or the excitement of catching a number nine bus to the shops and shoving a shopping trolly round a supermarket. Oh, the things they miss.
   Let’s hope she doesn’t need taking to hospital as we all know from the doom and gloom media this would entail a wait of four hours or more in an ambulance outside Accident and Emergency followed by a lengthy wait, on a trolly in an ally, for a bed to become vacant. Say wot now? Oh, right...

Quote;  Queen Elizabeth II

“I have to be seen to be believed.”

And Then, Something Else...

   I do believe the cost of living crisis is a all a myth. Hell, it must be and obviously no help is needed here as Mr Bojangles has just bunged the Ukrankies another fifty some mill. Seems his generosity is boundless when it comes to helping some people to kill some other people. Okay, that would be wot’s left of the bung after all the phantom dippers have been at it, right?
   Whoa! Is that our money? You remember being asked if that would be an acceptable use of your money in these difficult times right here at home?
   Anyhoo, while walking round town today I noticed something missing from the MSM fear factor regards many pensioners this winter having to choose between eating or heating. How about getting to the shops before deciding to eat or heat?
   Why? I’m sure you’re as conscious as wot I be at the huge number of mobility scooters an’ such there are on the pavements and round the roads so never mind all those younger folk wondering why the hell they got fooled into buying an electrickery car,  those old folks mobility scooters are also going to get more and more expensive to charge are they not? Heat or charge to get to the shops to eat? Charge but then no eat or heat? Gets tricky does it not? No, I don’t know the cost to charge one of those thingies as I don’t have one. Yet...
   Come on MSM, up your game with yet another fear to frantically feed the fragile elderly.

Quote;  Danielle Steel.

“No man can take your freedom from you. They can limit your mobility, but that's about all they can do.”

And Then, Fusing Yarn...

   Yesterday afternoon, while I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at our door. I proceeded to the door and upon opening said door, discovered, standing there, was just my neighbour, nothing more. Absolutely no sign of a raven.
   Anyhoo, the reason for his tap, tapping at our door? He came to enquire as to if we’d lost electrickery. I ensured the late twenties early thirties fellow that we had not lost lecky. 
“Oh dear.” said he, “Guess I need to get an electrician then.” to which I enquired, “Before you go to the expense of an amp tramp, have you checked your fuses?” 
His face went blank and I could tell he thought I’d broken into a form of the English language not used for many generations other than in some remote rural areas of Norfolk**.
   I went next door with him and enquired if he had a flashlight. Went back to mine to get one and to save another journey, collected my fuse wire, nippers and screwdriver.
   Now, I’ve heard yarns regards young folk being unable to change a lightbulb so from thereon, I used this as a little training exercise stressing at every step that electrickery can really, really hurt – or worse.  
   Yup, third fuse I checked had indeed blown. Fixed, fitted so I allowed the chap the thrill of throwing the master switch. Oh, the look of joy that lit-up his little face as lights lit-up. He turned to me and said, ”Whoa, aren’t you clever!”
I managed to choked back my chosen response, “Whoa, aren’t you dumb!” However, him thinking I’m clever may change once he sees the invoice I’m about to push through his letterbox... 
**I really can’t let mention of Norfolk go by without gluing this archaeological gem, shamelessly copied from The Daily Mash so many years ago, here again can I:

HUMANS in East Anglia may have been using tools as early as just before the Second World War, it has emerged.
Most early Norfolk technology was used to make cows more sexually alluring.
It had been believed that technology was first used in the remote region in 1994, when a local man picked up a stick and used it to attack a tree.
But archaeologists have uncovered several items which they believe will lead to a radical rewriting of Norfolk history to be read by people who are not from Norfolk.
Among the dramatic finds were a spoon, a box of half-eaten crayons and a device which experts believe was used for putting make-up on a cow.
Meanwhile a Bakelite radio dating from the late 1930s has also been discovered in a shed near Saxthorpe, where it is still worshipped by local tribes as a prophet.
Wayne Hayes, a hedgehog wrangler from Corpusty, said: “Old Talky has been round these parts since before the time of memory. It’s inhabited by the magical Archer family and their tales from the future.”
Other artefacts included an unread PG Wodehouse novel and shards of broken pottery that seem to indicate early Norfolk Man had tremendous difficulty in co-ordinating his three-fingered hands.
Archaeologist, Tom Logan, said: “Local folklore tells of a creature called ‘Ali’ that brought humans to Norfolk, though we think it probably means the A11.
“Nobody knows what drove early Norfolk Man so far East but one theory involves a strong desire to be as far away from Essex as possible without having to live in the sea.”

Quote;  Dave Barry.

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you’ve been drinking.”

And Then, A Drive...

Firstly, just in case you haven’t yet seen it, go over here where you’ll see that A. K. Haart has, as ever, perfectly illustrated our current dilemma. Really, who is our ‘leader’? See last paragraph...

A comment to the last post needs popping front and centre as we need to get some traction on this idea;
Anonymous Rick
”...If our politicians and civil servants should be swept away by the plague then heaven help us, stone age here we come (well, after the partying anyway). Our leaders and guardians must be vaccinated first and foremost for all our sakes. However public spirited they may be, precious time wasted vaccinating the hoi polloi is pure folly, civilization is at stake.”

Well, so, all electrickery cars in ten years? Let’s be clear, it’s nothing to do with climate is it? It’s all about making cars extinct via making them unaffordable to buy and, if you do get one on a life-time loan, unaffordable to run as in ten years time, according to those in high office, wind will be ‘providing’ our electrickery and we know it’ll be at a huge price so if you go electric car then charging the beauty will cost close to, if not more than, the mortgage or rent costs of your home per month. That assumes, if you don’t have off road parking, you can find a charging point. And all those that own one? They all get home, plug him in at peak lecky usage time and blow the grid off the line...

            

Nuclear? Hell, it takes over ten years to get planning permission and another ten to build the site access road.

Now those up there want anything that could be construed as anti super-duper vaccine should be made naughty talk. With every passing day, I’m becoming more converted to the belief that lizard people are, indeed, taking over.

 

Quote;  Thomas A. Edison.

“We will make electricity so cheap that only the rich will burn candles.“

And Then A Correction...

On paying better attention to Bojangles announcement regarding electrickery powered cars, I see that in fifteen years the sale of non electrickery cars will be banned but not banned from being used. Is that right? Seems so.

May I humbly suggest that all parents of young kids start encouraging them to work towards a career as automotive mechanics as an awful lot of owners of non-lecky cars are going to do all they can to keep ‘em on the road. That is, of course, unless Bojangles has a cunning plan to tax all non-lecky transport into total unaffordability.

An interesting piece can be found here a bit of wot’s below;

“At a local level, we require massive amounts of new infrastructure to be built to support electric cars.
We will need at least 25 million new roadside charging points — the equivalent of installing 4,000 new ones a day, starting yesterday — with roads and pavements having to be ripped up in the process which will, of course, create plumes of emissions.
And where on earth will the electricity needed come from?More than a third of Britons commute by car. Imagine, in 2035 and beyond, each of those motorists arriving home at night and hurriedly plugging in their vehicles at around the same time.
Malcolm McCulloch, head of Oxford University's Energy and Power group, has warned that the National Grid will need another 20 gigawatts of generating capacity — double the amount currently generated by all the UK's nuclear power stations — to cope.
The Engineer magazine says that charging an electric car at home with a medium-speed charger is like 'leaving the electric shower on all night. If just a few people in a street decided to do that, it'd blow the local distribution fuse.'”

And imagine the chaos on they ‘Smart Motorways’ when a whole slew of ‘em simultaneously get, ‘WARNING; Battery about to go below low. Charge NOW.’

Quote;  Vinod Khosla.

“Electric cars are coal-powered cars. Their carbon emissions can be worse than gasoline-powered cars.”

And Then I Relented...

...and had ‘em installed. Man, what’s he gibbering on about now I hear me say. Smart meters. Yup, we had ‘em installed a few days ago. Why? Well, after that attack on my heart and the realization as to how uncertain our exit time is, I’ve been doing wot I can to make my departure as stress free as possible for my little nest of vipers. Okay, she’ll probably go home but there will still be a goodly period when she’s here, home alone. With all the important stuff taken care of meter reading sprang to mind and now they’re installed that’s  everything on automatic for her; including automatic payments for everything covered for a couple of years. How cool is that then? She can now relax and concentrate on her extensive colander collection.

Anyhoo, the smart meters? At time of typing all the electrical and  gasical stuff still works as it did before.

The thing that struck me was when the engineer rolled up. It’s an age thing I know but I expected to answer the door to a grizzled old guy exuding years of experience. Wot was standing there was a fellow who looked like he was bunking off school... but giving that no never mind in he came and had the job snuffed up within a couple of hours with no fuss – no muss. Let’s not forget the natty little handheld thingy wot shows meter readings, wot you’re using and wot it’s costing – and most importantly, the Co2 you’re humble home is pumping out. This climate ‘calamity’ is relentless from all angles is it not?

Interestingly, as part of the service, the engineer was obliged to pass on energy saving top tips and these I’ll condense and pass on to you all. Bottom line? If you turn everything off and never turn it on again, the savings on your energy bills can be quite dramatic. Who knew?

Quote;  Scott Adams.

“Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.”

And Then, A Close Call...

I may not pop in here for a couple of days as I now find I have stuff to do. And that stuff would be?

Well, this morning I had a small job to do that required the removal of a couple of screws. Upon doing wot had to be done, I replaced the screws. Guess wot. Last screw, possibly turned in one more turn than required for removal, resulted in a bang, a flash and a house devoid of electrickery as I must’ve hit a cable.

This was confirmed by my little nest of vipers calling supportively from the kitchen, “Wot you done gone break now?” Okay, the house was dead but wot about me? First thing I did was check I wasn’t looking down at myself. Okay so far. I then confirmed I could still touch and move objects. Lastly, I called to the kitchen, “I done do nothing. Must’ve been you.” This got much the expected reply so I came to the happy - and lucky - conclusion that I was, indeed, still here. Happy daze!

After checking all fuses and finding all to be good, I reset the breakers and all proved okay. However, my little brain refuses to rest and I can’t leave it at that and need to find wot I ran into in the wall as it’s far away from any sockets or switches. I’d like to know where it’s coming from, where it’s going to and  of course how badly damaged whatever it is is and if it’s leaking lots of electrickery.

I’ll be starting to dig into the wall tomorrow to discover wot’s wot and wot needs repairing or rerunning so if I don’t put in a show by Friday you can assume I knew even less about electrickery than the nothing that I admit to knowing.

I also have the spooky feeling that this exploration will result in a full re-decorating of the room as a small exploratory bit o’ chipping soon gets out of hand and I may well end up chasing the cable to the gates of Drax power station. Much like water pipe connection tightening...

Quote;  Thomas A. Edison.

“We will make electricity so cheap that only the rich will burn candles.”

And Then, Up She Goes...

With the latest news that British Gas is hiking electrickery prices, there were a couple of comments, amongst many good ones, that worked for me over at the site of that nice Dr Redwood that I’ve copied over here. I particularly like the first but sure wouldn’t bet the bank on seeing too many window stickers, other than fraudulent ones of course, as the signalling is a country mile away from the doing bit as became apparent when you note how many of those virtue signalling lefty luvvies actually did give shelter from the storm to some of they ‘shave the children’ gimmigrants.

They Work For Us?

  Let us itemise electricity bills to fully expose the cost of green levies on household bills. Then make the levies an opt in so that true believers can support them.
  Supporters could virtue signal their good deed with window stickers saying “I’m into Green and higher cost energy”.

The second is a tad deeper:

Epikouros

  I believe historians will look back at the shattered remains of Western civilisation and be bewildered by the extent of stupidity that brought it to such a state. The progressives will rightly be blamed for bringing the West to it’s knees with their machinations. That are concentrated on promoting mediocrity and insistence on all rigidly conforming to their socialist and eccentric dogmas. Energy policies will just be one of a myriad of reasons blamed for it’s demise. Social, economic and political policies coupled with paucity of intellectual abilities of our leaders and politicians will play a bigger role.
  Energy policy is a prime example of how progressives are leading us into making absurd, ill thought out and counterproductive decisions. As they consider sentiment and emotion are better measurements than conclusive evidence on which to formulate their policies. As for consequences that does not remotely interest them as they rely on the intention ensuring they will not be harmful. Inevitably they are. Climate change alarmists are like Columbus. They do not know where they are going, have no idea if their method of travel is appropriate and when they eventually get there they will not know where they are. In fact everything they cause us to implement is not motivated by logical reasoning or objective observation only on unsubstantiated faith like beliefs.

It never ceases to amaze me how many folk, who take the time to comment on so many sites of a political bent, display a greater perception of what’s going on, and the sad direction the country is being driven, than those who’re actually doing the driving. Wouldn’t it be grand if those up there read {red} such words on so many subjects and thought, “You know wot? I get that. Let’s have a rethink and a reboot.”

Then you give your head a shake and take a look. Theresa May-or-May-Not, Mr Hammand-Broken-Eggs, Anna Sour-Brine, a chap with a perpetual bad hair day and others. And the alternative? Jerry Carbine who believes Venezuela's doing just fine, Diane, the human abacus, some child with a double-barrelled name, Rebecca Wrong-Daily is it? Then you give your head another shake; a violent shake of despair.

You can’t help thinking that ol’ Mr Mirage may have bailed-out a tad too soon.

Quote;  Thomas Sowell.

“It is a way to take people's wealth from them without having to openly raise taxes. Inflation is the most universal tax of all.”

And Then, A Problem...

You’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past few days. On the other hand, and more realistically, probably not.

Anyhoo, mid afternoon, four days ago, we found we had no electrickery. Neighbours had, we hadn’t. I dived into the cupboard... okay, crawled, and found the surge protection had tripped. After many attempts to reset with no joy, I threw the main breaker, reset the surge and hit the breaker – trip.

Wot to do? Throw the breaker, reset, pull a fuse, yup I still have the ol’ fuse wire fuses, breaker back – trip. Continue fuse pulling ‘till I’d found the bad boy. The fuse was fine so checked  to find wot bit o’ kit it was wot was faulty. Nothing. Just no action on the sockets with that fuse pulled. Lighting okay, plus a couple of sockets at the front end of the house. Everything else, dead.

That must mean there’s a fault in that particular circuit. That also excluded me from fiddling further as, if you get it wrong, it hurts pretty big.

I need an electrician, right? You know that Yellow Page phone directory thingy they push through your door every year, now seemingly replaced by a local Tradesman Directory? Yes, that one, the one we all put straight in the bin because, hay, we’ve got the Inter-Web now so we don’t need paper directories any more, right? Hay, wait just a lack-o’-lecy minute there. My new tip? keep one.

How did I find an amp-tramp? While slapping money on the mobile early doors down at the  corner shop run by that nice Pakanasty fellow, a young buck pulled up in a van; a van proclaiming he was a heating and gas gignerbeer. He’ll know an amp-tramp thought I so asked. Confusingly, he informed me he was a plasterer but, happy daze, he had an electricians number. Finally got hold of this electrician and, when two of ‘em arrived, later in the day, it took them four hours to isolate the problem on the circuit and fix it. Where was the problem? It was located at a J-box between a pair of sockets and the main board. And that J-box was cunningly concealed behind the wall tiles above the hob in the kitchen.

Choice was, don’t touch the tiles and lose four sockets or remove the tiles and keep ‘em. We elected for keeping the sockets guessing it’d probably result in a tiling job for me. Pardon? All I need to do is just buy replacements for any tiles that get damaged you say? You ever tried matching twelve plus year old tiles? No? Thought not.

They had to remove many tiles to find the bad boy but the boys done did good and no tiles were damaged during the groundwork for this post and the job resulted in me just having to glue those back up rather than a full kitchen rip down and new up.

The cost of two amp-tramps for four hours plus a bit o’ kit an’ cable? Ridiculously reasonable and way, way below my best guestimate. I now have them on speed dial.

So, for a few days we were living the Green dream and may I humbly suggest to any Green advocates or voters, please try this; throw your electrickery breaker and see how long you last before your weeping into your cold lentil soup.

Quote;  Dave Barry.

“We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.”

And Then, A Little...

Yup, I’m still alive an’ kickin’ but real worldly stuff got in the way as it has the occasional wont to do and while I fully embrace the belief that you should never put-off ‘till tomorrow that which can be put off for a month, these boring things have been put-off so many times that I’d almost forgotten what they were and when I originally put ‘em off.

Anyhoo, they’re done which leaves time for typing. Sadly, I have nothing to type other than I see that money-Sinkley Point A has got the go-ahead and I’m sure that ten minute saving astronomically expensive train set won’t be cancelled.

Let’s be honest, these, and various other grandiose schemes, are just a ‘legitimate’ way of transferring huge wedges of money from one lot of gangsters to another lot of gangsters. It’s just a shame that most of it used to be our money.

This new-clear off-white elephant, looking at the time scale, and as I’ve previously opined given the acceleration in areas of human endeavour, will probably be lighting a 40 watt lamp shortly after an announcement from somewhere over in the Far East of a major technological breakthrough in the generation of abundant, dirt cheap electrickery at minimum cost involved in constructing the generating end. there’s no way the concrete pourers, bricklayers and welders down at Point A the way will get ahead of advances in technology. Really, it’s redundant before a bead’s been welded.

As for the ‘super fast’ train set, as ever, we seem content to invest in ‘proven Victorian technology’ while others with vision are investing, probably significantly less for greater returns, in the future so as the first fast train pulls out expect a similar announcement proclaiming a major breakthrough in the safe teleporting of goods and people has been achieved.

Quote;  Abraham Lincoln.

“The problem with quotes on the internet is you can never be certain they're authentic.”

And Then Dryer Fires....

My little nest of vipers caught a much repeated item on the TV last night relating to cloths dryers and the alarming number of them that seem to be bursting into flames and causing great damage, as fire tends to do. Understandably, she was keen to know how safe we were with our drying.

What to do? Let’s Google the subject.

That I did and after extensive research over several minutes I was happy to report back to her that, assuming Google got it right, there was not one, not even one, reported instance, world wide, involving an outside cloths line adorned with drying laundry spontaneously combusting; thus I declared us to be safe.

This news, rather than reassuring her as I expected, produced that look that says, “There’s nobody in is there?”

She then went back to her puzzle book. An English puzzle book. Yeah, I know, it puzzles me as well...

As an afterthought, as the ol’ tumble dryer is a pretty power intensive bit o’ kit with millions of ‘em in use daily and as we’re looking down both barrels of ever diminishing electrickery production, could this sudden surge in tumble dryer fire scare stories be yet another nudge, nudging of people away from power hungry perceived fire-bombs and back to the basic, power saving line in the yard?

Anyhoo, just in case, is there a laundry safety awareness app out there? One that’ll run alongside the sugar awareness app? No? Quick!! Quick!! Someone, anyone, please hold my hand and lead me gently to my safe space!! 

Safe spaces? Sugar awareness? Give me strength. Funnily enough, that’s what they said sugar did when I was a kid...

Quote;  Rebecca McNutt.

“Have you ever noticed how as an adult, all the bright colours go out of your life? Now that I’m not a kid anymore, things always look grey, like a clothesline draped with laundry that’s been washed too many times and left to stand in the wind. I guess that’s what growing up is… it’s a fading photograph.”

And Then Pop Goes The Spot….

You have to feel so sorry for those poor water dwellers down Somerset the ways but let me tell ya, I’ve had problems of my own!!

In the kitchen there are six recessed lights. These lights are of the mushroom lookin’ spot or flood type lamps, or bulbs as we’re wont to call them.  I believe I’ve only had to change one of these screw in lamps since moving here.

Yesterday I was witness to something I’ve never seen before.

Round about teatime her indoors and I prepared to the kitchen to see if the cupboards were still bare or if they’d miraculously replenished themselves.*

I went in. She followed me in. I hit the light-switch. The lights came on. Instantly there was a very loud ‘POP’. One of the lamps, rather than popping and dying, as bulbs are wont to do, exploded into a gazillion bits of glass and reflective material! Quite spectacular!

Fortunately, I was well clear of this exploding lamp. Unfortunately, my little nest of vipers was standing directly below the big bang bulb. As I broke out in loud laughter, having ascertained no injuries had been sustained, she broke out into a diatribe of foreign words, enunciated as only foreign people can enunciate foreign words, seemingly all strung together, spoken quite loudly and  all accompanied with uncoordinated hand flapping. With my raucous laughter and her loud, long foreign word usage, anyone outside happening to hear us would’ve been forgiven for thinking they were passing the hyena house of a small safari park.

Slowly, as my laughter subsided and her indoors ran out of foreign words suitable for expressing her feelings towards bulbs that go bang above her head, we surveyed our surroundings.

I would never have believed one mushroom lookin’ lamp could contain that amount of glass when seen spread about in bits of less than a millimetre square.  That’s not taking into account what her indoors had hidden in her hair by the way. Needless to say, the clean-up took forever. Actually, it took a couple of hours so the last sentence was, indeed, needlessly said. It took considerably longer to ensure her hair was finally glass particle free. Some time was lost in this endeavour as I tried various lighting effects on her head, some of which resulted in quite spectacular reflective results.

Now what to do? Get a new mushroom lamp? I’m guessing it’d have to be new as I don’t believe they sell used bulbs at this time. Problem with that is even if I spent from now ‘till November I’d never convince her that a mushroom lamp is never going to explode on us again so, just in case we decided to do other stuff between now and then, we went and got LED spots to replace all the mushrooms.

Boy!! Are those LED spot suckers expensive or wot!! On the plus side, according to the packaging, these guys will still be pouring forth their mediocre light long after my main fuse has finally blown.

*The cupboards were bare.

Quote;  Lucinda Williams.

“So few people are truly themselves when they're in the spotlight.”

And Then A Little Clarification….

I understand Crazy Davey has told some energy guys not to treat the population as cash-cows. He’s in the government, right? Is that another oxymoron then?

Mr Davey’s allegedly a grown-up who’s allegedly in charge of something.

Anyhoo, forget what he said – this is what he said;

“The energy companies just can’t be allowed to introduce a new breed to these islands without consulting government.” King Edward Head mashed out at a deserted press conference, “They need to leave this sort of work to us. Cows are just a minimal form of ‘extraction’  to us, as successive governments have made amazing advances in sheep engineering, manipulation and programming resulting in a strain of sheep that, unlike the original breed which could only be sheared once a year, can be sheared, or as we say in government, fleeced, pretty much non-stop.”

He continued, casually flicking dead bats off his briefcase and muttering into a muted mic, ”However, I will be holding urgent talks, early next year, with the energy companies, who, compared to government, are rank armatures at fleecing and milking, to explore the possible advantages of integrating  ‘their’ cash-cows and the governments sheep with the intention of forming a single entity, tentatively to be known as a Gizzitall.  The resultant Gizzitalls  will not only be available for fleecing twenty four seven but we’ll be able, in the unlikely event anything be missed during the fleecing process, to resort to milking ‘em dry. Fleece an’ milk. Win – win!” He joyfully concluded, not fully understanding a word he’d said.

Mr Davey left the press conference, to his own loud applause, after stating categorically that energy prices in the future could possibly be higher or lower or even the same as they are today. Or, if there’s no energy, free.  Crazy confirmed that, “If the ‘free’ option become available, VAT at thirty-five percent would be levied on a really big, made-up number.  But that’s only common sense.”

Mr Davey’s allegedly a grown-up who’s allegedly in charge of something. Let’s hope it’s not something important……

Quote;  Colin Wilson.

“The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain.”

And Then Up She Goes….

So another energy provider has announced another eye watering rise in the price of gas and electrickery. I remember that scallywag David Cameron, back a ways, proudly boasting that both him and his lot were going to be the greenest government ever. I mean ever! What I don’t remember, or missed, was the bit about the green bit was just for summer but blue would be your winter colour.

Both young Dave and his simple sidekick, Crazy Davey, were most helpful today by telling us all how disappointed they were at this news, but, hay just switch, right? And mind your head on that windmill. Boys, boys, boys, you used that line just a week ago when that other outfit put their prices up. I wonder how many poor folk took your advice back then, jumped through several fiery hoops, just to end up in another world of grief.

Dave, Crazy, it’s obvious that this is all part of a cunning plan to ‘nudge’ us towards using less energy but we’d all appreciate a little - oh, what’s that word you lot don’t understand; got it! honesty, and be told up-front. Why don’t you come completely clean and just throw the switch and close the valve for domestic users from ten to midday every week day and have done with it?

I’d invest in a log burner but this drum has no chimneys and all chimney breasts have been removed. The gas fire is one of they straight through the wall balanced flue jobbies. Hay!! Wait a minute!! I could get a burning log effect gas fir…….. Oh. That won’t help will it?

I just have the one question for you Dave and you Crazy; what colour’s the sky in your world?

Quote;  Thomas A. Edison.

“We will make electricity so cheap that only the rich will burn candles.”

             Jane Brox.

“Soon now, the faint tinkling of a broken filament will become another sound of another century.”

And Then Proof Drillers Are Dirty Rascals….

If you haven't already popped into Bishop Hill then may I humbly suggest you do pop in and check-out the two photographs on offer.

Please compare and contrast the way those environmentalists have left their camp-site at Balcombe after a period of protesting against those environmentally damaging filthy drillers, to the way those environmentally damaging filthy drillers have cleaned up their end.

Those pictures should be on the front page of every newspaper and highlighted on TV - all channels.  Why not? You know what? I'm betting it would've made it into the media if Cuadrilla had left just the merest hint of the suggestion of the possibility of a scrap of litter on their side of the fence, right?

I trust that MP, what's-her-face, Care-a-lot Locust, who was so grinningly proud of what the protesters were, er, protesting about, is just as proud of how her heroes have left their site. Or to put it another way, left some other poor sods site.

Remember all those smiling little boys and girls who were escorted off by Bill?  Any chance of a sentence of a period of Community Service cleaning the mess up then? Pardon? It'd probably be against their what rights now? Oh, right, human rights. Got ya.

Man, where were those pesky Russian police when we needed them?

In further news we are been warned of possible/probable blackouts if we encounter a severe winter. If you follow EUReferendum you'll be aware of the vast number of diesel generator sets sitting eating our money waiting for such a shortfall. Rather than preparing for the lights going out I would suggest investing in a pair of quality ear defenders 'coz when all those suckers fire up it's going to be a tad noisy…. and the little devils are tucked away everywhere.

Quote;  George Carlin.

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something's wrong."