24 Feb 2017

And Then Doris...

It came and it blew through. Just waiting for my T-shirt now emblazoned with the legend that I Survived Doris. Both Day And Storm.

Did you see those intrepid reporters on TV wobbling about on some seafronts? Deserted seafronts. A storm like that, when I was a pup, was cause for great rejoicing. Especially if the high winds were blowing onshore and coincided with the top o’ the tide. We would stand a-top the seawall and the last fellow to retreat before the next big wave made contact with the wall was the hero of that wave. As the tide retreated we’d wend our way home very happy and looking like drowned rats. I ask again, whatever happened to all the fun in the world? When, exactly, was it all banned? And by whom?

There’s a nice piece relating to Doris over at the Spectator but wot caught my eye amongst the comments was the comment and response reproduced below with the usual apologies to the originators:

Big Brother is trying to sensationalise our weather in order to create the impression that it is becoming more extreme. All part of the man-made climate change scam.

Exactly so.
"Storm Doris indeed"!
What next, "Light Breeze with Chance of Rain Edna"?

In other news I see that the RBS bank has lost seven billion pounds. How can that possibly happen? I mean a bank is a place for us to keep our money, right? I pay in some money, they take it and then go to the vault, find the box with my name on it and put my money inside my box, right? I’m not sure, but there’s probably a little whiteboard thingy on each box so’s they can keep a running total of the contents of the boxes. So how can they possibly lose seven billion dabs?

If they’ve lost it in the manner I suspect then all I can say is shame on the bank staff. For heavens sake people!! Lock the damn place up when you go home at days end!!  That’s the vault, the doors AND the windows, okay? Man! How hard can it be?


“On your resume you wrote that for 3 years you worked as a pianist in a brothel.”
“Hmm, actually, I was a banker, but I don’t like to talk about it.”



Caratacus said...

"... how can they possibly lose seven billion dabs?"

Lolled, as Mr. Ishmael has it, out loud at that one. You reminded me of Ben Elton (when he used to be funny) talking about the Economy. "What do you mean you've lost £xbillion?? (This to the Chancer of the Exchequer) Where did you have it last? It must be somewhere - Have you looked down the back of the sofa?? Look man, look".

Mac said...

As I’ve said before, I wake each morning believing that yesterday was peak surreal madness day and every morning I’m proved wrong.
And the folk running these shambles and our political class are, supposedly, the cream of the cleaver crop...
What will tomorrow bring?