2 Sep 2016

And Then, Old And New...

The good Caratacus reminded me that the 26 August was the anniversary of the battle of Crécy and, as he stated, there was nary a mention of this English victory throughout the MSM. He also provides a link to a simple clip. In these modern times, any English victory seems to be none PC an if it’s mentioned at all in school, it’ll probably be taught along the lines of those dastardly English, cowed into following the orders of the hated aristocracy, slaughtering defenceless French horses.

A. K. Haart; here you go, the destructions for that vinegar stuff. Hard to read? I know the feeling.

As usual, the devil’s in the fine print. I guess the clue is in the name; vinegar = acidic. I honestly don’t think that any damage could be done to the trim as it only gets minimal over-spray and is only left to soak for a short time, but, over extended usage?

Anyhoo, the comment by Caratacus triggered another voyage into the past bit of my brain to something wot I copied from somewhere some years ago and wot I’ve pasted below. In an attempt to credit the original author, I did one of they search thingies and it seems the piece is reproduced all over the place but none I found mention the author. Whoever you are, thank you very big.

I certainly won’t fall over backwards in surprise if you’ve already seen it. Is it a modern parable or a fable? A farable perhaps?

NOTE; the name of the London Mayor has been changed from Ken Living-dead to that of the present incumbent.

The old version:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.



The new, politically correct version:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others, less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC interrupts a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with the breaking news and highlights a multi-cultural choir singing 'We Shall Overcome'.

Sadiq Khan rants in the Guardian that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and announces increases to the charge for squirrels entering inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper didn’t want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the place. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug ‘illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arriving in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombings, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told they’ll have to work well beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.


Quote; Napoleon Bonaparte.

“What is history but a fable agreed upon? “


A K Haart said...

Thanks for the pic. They say not to use it on aluminium, but I think I'll still try it and rinse the stuff off fairly quickly.

Mac said...

A K Haart,
Yup, that's my thinking also. The 'reasoning' will explored somewhat this evening.

Caratacus said...

Love that story - I've taken the liberty of sharing it on my Farcebook account ... hope that's OK :-)

Mac said...

No problem at all Sir. That story deserves as wide an audience as possible.
Also, anything I put up on the Mirror I think of as being released into the wild and, as such, is available to one and all to recapture, should they wish, and use as they wish. With kindness...