And Then, Back To The Pub....

From the little attention I’ve been paying to the news today, it seems that, after protracted and nail-biting negotiations, Dave Cummerbund has given just about everything those foreign johnnies were asking for. I must admit I thought the game was supposed to be played the other way round but what do I know?

Regarding the negotiations, below is a clip from the goings-on at Conservative Party headquarters as Dave explained the details of wot he didn’t get. The two pertinent lines are, “We could have been anything that we wanted to be...” and, “You’re going to be remembered for the things that you say and do.” Ain’t that the truth. Coincidentally, in my humble opinion, this is one of the best ‘feel good’ songs of recent times. Recent to me that is, and that spans quite a bunch of recent times.

               

With all the recent talk of pubs an’ such, I was in the pub in my head last night when I guy along the bar recounted an old joke I first posted back in 2011. {Where was that dust cloud back then?}

WARNING! There’s a hint of naughtiness in this shaggy dog yarn so all Timidadians and purse lipped puritans skip past the bits in blue below ‘till you hit brown again and you’ll be down at the quote totally unsullied.

  Two builders, Dave and Stu, are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
  The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Dave:  ‘I reckon he's an accountant.’
Stuart: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker.’
Dave: ‘He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!’

  The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.
  On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal and curiosity and the several beers get the better of Dave.

Dave: 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?’
Suit: ‘No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.’
Dave: ‘Oh? What's that then?’
Suit: ‘I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish
at home?’
Dave: ‘Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!’
Suit: ‘Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?’
Dave: ‘It's in a pond.’
Suit: ‘Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?’
Dave: ‘As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.’
Suit: ‘Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?’
Dave: ‘As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!’
Suit: ‘Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?’
Dave: ‘Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four kids.’
Suit: ‘Well then it is logical to assume that you’re sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?’
Dave: ‘Yep! Five times a week!’
Suit: ‘Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?’
Dave: ‘Do what? Not me, mate!’
Suit: ‘Well there you are! That's logical science at work!’
Dave: ‘How's that then?’
Suit: ‘Well, from just finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!’
Dave: ‘I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!’
  Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: ‘I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?’
Dave: ‘Yep! He's a logical scientist!’
Stuart: ‘What's one of them then?’
Dave: ‘I'll try and explain. Have you got a goldfish?’
Stuart: ‘Nope.’
Dave: ‘You're a wanker.’

Quote;  Marvin Gaye.

“Negotiation means getting the best of your opponent.”