After an alarming observation at a supermarket checkout yesterday, I've decided to urgently prepare a short report and submit it to the relevant folk along with my application for much money to fund my further research.
The items in question were just sitting there, in full view, right at the checkout point. You know where I mean? Yup, right where the kids sweets used to be before we got them, for the sake of the kids teeth and tummies, moved to who now knows where?
My research will offer, nay, insist that these items should be kept well away from those who wish to buy them, thus saving them from temptation, and delivering them from evil. Preferably, they should be kept behind the cigarettes which are kept behind those closed doors which are kept behind a security lookin' person who's standing behind a counter in front of the blast proof doors.
What could this thing of horror be? scratch cards is what! Surly, as my report will vigorously highlight, in years of funding to come, a gateway to hard-line gambling.
Back to the top; my attention was drawn to this scratch card phenomenon {I just typed that with an 'f' by the way} and the possibility of me getting funding for my research, otherwise known as money for nothing, when, while in the checkout queue, everyone in front of me, without exception, everyone, bought a scratch card. Truly amazing and alarming.
Okay, my initial sample was a tad low as there was only one person in front of me, but hay, given sufficiently eye watering wedges of kelly, I just know I can spin it all to work. Will you be there? Do you really know how many 'everyone in front of me, without exception' really means? Of course not. I'm as safe as houses. Just neeeeed the funding.
Quote; Ambrose Bierce.
“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”
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