9 Jul 2015

And Then A Bad Buy….

For some reason, not yet fully understood, I watched an inordinate amount of commercial TV yesterday afternoon and evening. Then, when I awoke this morning, I found I had the strangest sensation that I needed to get out and buy stuff.

I'm the first to admit to enjoying a bit of shiny shopping but there's absolutely nothing shiny I need; or at least nothing I can justify the need of to my little nest of vipers.

Nothing shiny, but thanks to the not so subliminal but unbelievably repetitive messaging my poor brain received last night, I was left with the inexplicable need to get out and buy either an injury lawyer, some PPI, whatever that is, get a bingo or a pack of incontinent lookin' pads. How weird is that then?

Knowing my head wouldn't rest until at least one of these items was purchased, I looked at my options.

I really don't want to have to feed another mouth so crossed off an injury lawyer. PPI seems to be something to do with protection and I really don't want anything to do with organised crime. I'm not keen on bingo and have no desire to be bombarded with big blue balls so that left incontinent pads. How weird is that then?

This morning I got a pack and upon arriving home I stuffed one down around my Y's and waited. Waited for what? No, I'm not incontinent – yet, but, with advancing years and stiffening joints, the TV advert would seem to promise that, with one of these thingies in place, I'd be dancing all around the sitting room with a goony rictus grin glued to my puss thus doing a passable impression of a recently escaped lunatic.

It's teatime now and still not so much as a twitch. Not even a wiggly foot. Zero. Nothing. Nothing but a cramped sensation in my nether regions. So that's another pointless purchase resulting in money flushed down the toilet…

It's worthy of note that, while donning the pad, I did stumble and twist my knee which made me wish I'd also bought one of they injury lawyer fellows.

Tonight I'm going back to normal; occupying my corner of the sofa, reading, with my headphones feeding me a little smooth jazz.

All that reminded me of this – it's down the left somewhere – but here it is right up front. Again. My favourite of the literal collection.

On a final note, after using the word 'literal' above, I do hope those who've read this – and for 'read', read red – don't take it too literally. Of course I like bingo. and after being restricted in that stupid pad lookin' dealy-bob all afternoon waiting to dance and grin inanely, I now have my very own big blue… never mind.

Enjoy this. I know you will.


Quote;  David Foster Wallace.

“It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase.”

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