26 Jun 2015

And Then I Dry….

This post is aimed at those of you over the age of, oh, I don't know, sixty five{?} and relates to a post from a little bit after a while ago in which I ruminated on that old age problem of feet washing and drying.

If you're younger, move on. Although it may be a good plan to carefully bookmark this as, if you look out front, you'll see the road ahead very gently rising towards the horizon. However, once you get there you'll be saddened and somewhat despondent to see that, once over the hill, the road descends at a frighteningly precipitous angle  and you'll stand there, looking down and thinking, "Damn! It's gettin' harder and harder by the day to dry my feet. Where's that pesky bookmark? Damn! That was on the old computer."

Here's a foot solution I discovered by accident. Pardon? No, I didn't have an accident, end up lying on the floor and so take advantage of this predicament to dry my lower appendages. This was a solution I arrived at after nearly tripping on my towel.

Take your towel, a large towel, not a face towel, with an opposite end of the long length in each hand.
Hold your hands about eighteen inches apart allowing the towel to hang in a large U shape in front of you.
Lower your arms until the bottom of the towel U is resting on the floor.
Carefully raise one foot – this is critically important – ONE FOOT - and, using your hands clasping the towel ends, slip the bottom of the towel U bend below this foot.  Time and coordination are of the essence during this manoeuvre so as to keep to an absolute minimum the length of time you have to stand on one foot.
Lower your foot onto the towel and rest.
Once sufficiently rested, raise the toe and sole area while keeping the heel area on the deck. This will allow just enough clearance to enable the towel to be moved vigorously from left to right by lifting your left forearm and slightly relaxing your right forearm, and vicky-verky, while ensuring adequate contact is maintained between your two pins and the floor.
Repeatedly shift your weight from heel to toe  'till you're confident your foot is dry from toe to heel then repeat the above for foot two.
If you discover you're repeating the above for foot three then you may have a problem I'm unqualified to help you with.
Finally, should you be fussy enough, use talcum powder from a squeezy bottle to dry between your toes. This should be fired from as low as you can reach without doing any bending at all.
Your lower legs can be semidried in a similar manner but don't expend too much time or effort on this as trousers are great drying tubes.
You are now ready to proceed to the bedroom and, either sitting or lying on the bed, wrestle your socks on. After grasping each sock in turn with both hands, and before dragging them on, ensuring the socks are the right-side-out and heel-hollow down.

This towel drying method could be used, using a strip cut from an old towel, to actually wash your feet in the shower as above. This will depend on your personal level of foot hygiene. I tend to just slosh my feet about in the soapy water that's rinsed off my body after basic top and tail cleansing.

I've found that this method of foot drying quickly became quite rhythmic and relaxing although, to a casual observer who may be in the bathroom, for whatever reason, it probably resembles the final frenetic moments one would expect of a particularly complex square dance or Morris dance.

Quote;  Jerry Seinfeld.

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

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