25 Oct 2014

And Then, A Gulping Sound….


It’s a rocky hard, collar tightening place you be in right now is it not Mr Cummerbund? Tell us, is it a con or isn’t it? If it’s not a con, did you know beforehand, like your bestest ever buddy, the money man, or didn’t you know? If you didn’t know, why didn’t you know?  Will you pay or won’t you pay? {For ‘you’ please read ‘we’.} Will you ‘negotiate’ a pre-arranged reduction and declare yourself a hero of ordinary, hardworking families?

The bit I liked? Pop over here and slide along to about 03:16. When I say, ‘slide along’, what I mean is move that slider lookin’ sucker on the video along thus missing the stuff about thcweaming and thcweaming ‘till he’s thick and listen to Dave do his Homer Simpson thingy when he says he’s not going to pay on 01 December, “………… and if people think I are…”. Yup, ‘I are’. It then, momentarily, unravels. Oh David, David, David. Thank you so very big.

Anyhoo, as all this money stuff was, allegedly, agreed by your minions and declared a done deal quite some time ago, may I suggest that when you go into the negotiations you should work it like thousands of your tax paying ‘bosses’ do when attempting to ‘negotiate’ with your revenue ‘collectors with menaces’. Sort of, “I just got a promotion for doing good and you want to take almost all of my rise?” And you know how that plays out and who wins, right? 

So learn from that, save yourself some time and grief and just go into the room, remain standing unless otherwise instructed and when asked state your name, age, the country you represent and calmly outline your problem then zip it.

Now this is the hard bit. Keep it zipped and listen! You’ll quickly realize, like we do daily, that you’re on a hiding to nothing so apologise profusely for wasting their time, agree to pay-up, confirm it’s enough, say bu-by, bend slightly from the waist  and reverentially back out of the room and that’ll be as bad as it’ll get.  Won’t it?

Quote;  Dorothy Allison.

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”

              Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

“Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale…”

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