28 Jul 2014

And Then We Took Advantage….

Hasn’t it been nice? The weather’s wot I’m talkin’ about. First off I did what any sensible old person would do and moved the sofa closer to the window to take advantage of the fine weather and catch a little breeze through the open windows. However, I remembered the ‘advice’ proffered by our Public Health ‘experts’. This advice, I’m sure you remember, was to draw the curtains.

With that task completed it seemed to us that we’d defeated the purpose of the sofa moving manoeuvre so, after a quick vote, we cast caution to the light zephyrs, donned our most baggy of all baggy clothing, greased up and took off in the car. Correction. We never left the ground. We drove off in the car.

The above is the reason for no posting, should you’ve noticed, as we venture forth, or sally fifth, depending on which way the front of the car takes us, early doors and meander back late evening after taking in a meal in whatever hostelry we’re passing when hunger strikes. Interestingly, as all country pubs now seem to be primarily playgrounds and eating joints, I have to say we haven’t, to date, encountered any bad meals. We have, however, encountered the occasional deflated bouncy castle which was a tad disappointing as there’s nothing like an energetic bounce about to put the final fine edge on your appetite.

As the first of two uses of by-the-by, I see the health police have said old folk need to do some strenuous exercising every week. Why not have neighbourhood bouncy castles for the use of pensioners only? Free and on the NHS of course. Can you imagine the excited, delighted whoops and hollers coming from those suckers as  twenty or more oldies rediscover their glorious, adventurous childhoods? Once a week? They’d need to renew the bouncy castles once a week. Oh, wait a minute. First we have to imagine the paperwork that’d be involved. That’s that then.

It should be noted that, after the first excursion, we avoided locations with lots of people as, although we were baggily attired, we just stood out too much when compared  to the favoured dress, or lack thereof, of your average Brit when the temperature climbs to twenty. Also, thus far, I’ve managed to contain the urge to have a ring punched in my nose and/or a small shiny ball shot into my tongue. And we’re also devoid of any colourful illustrations on our bodies. Hay, it’s their body, their choice, right? It’s just a funny feeling being in the minority. I’m betting the next phase/craze will be to rebel by getting tats removed.

Anyhoo, it’s been good and we hope to continue should the weather choose to cooperate.

So why am I here today and not wandering country lanes, or kicking up sand on the beach, or sitting by a babbling brook? Which reminds me; any more babbling and she’s going in the brook. That’s a joke, okay? I have the seatbelt adjusted so’s it has to cross-over across her mouth.

Where is me? Right. Why am I here. Car service is why. All cool with just the second use of by-the-by.

By-the-by, to pay I reported to the youngish cashier lady.
“Not much this time. Free service so just the MOT and that’s thirty-four pounds. How will you be paying? By card?” Asked the youngish cashier lady, easing one of those card reading lookin’ thingies towards me.
”No, I’ll be proffering paper money. There you go.” said I, handing over two, not too crisp, twenty pound notes.

I’m betting you know what’s coming next.

The youngish cashier lady reached for her calculator to figure out what change I was due. No, really, she did! Quick as a flash I said, “No need for that! You owe me twelve pounds!”
”That sounds a lot. I’d better check.” Time passed. “See? Forty take away thirty-four leaves six! We only owe you six pounds! You need to brush up on your mental math!”  Said the smiling sarcastically, youngish cashier lady.  That is, mostly, a true story.

Quote;  Kimberly Novosel.

“I used to cover my windows in heavy curtains, never drawn. Now I danced in the sunlight on my hardwood floors.”

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