And Then More Jobs Could Be Coming….

I picked up two bits of news late last week wot got me thinking. As you know, I’m usually half a mile off and drifting so treat the use of the word ‘thinking’ with the usual caveats.

First up was the news that huge areas of Edinburgh will be restricted to a very reasonable 20 MPH speed limit. No, this isn’t for joggers, this is for cars an’ such. You see where this is going? You see how, over a little time, this will reduce the unemployment figures? You see how this will take yet more money from car owners?

Next will be to reduce the speed to 15 MPH then 10, then 5 and then the kicker, very slowly, with a man walking in front waving a red flag. That’s progress for ya!

vast numbers of flag waving fellows will be employed by the council and available for compulsory hire at the entry to Walking Speed Only areas. Even that little flag making workshop, the one owned by a councillors cousin, gets a big boost and even starts turning out high viz vests. Money in – unemployment down. Win – win.

Number two up was wot some Labour MP said about folk without work who would have to sit a test to show they can read, write and do stuff with numbers, that stuff schools used to do, before becoming eligible for funds. You see where this is going? You see how this will reduce the unemployment figures?

It will transpire the test will require the payment of a small fee. The first lot wot fail will be told to come back next month. The first lot wot pass, with a score of 40 to 60% will be told they’ll have a job, with the government, in two months time, marking test papers. Those that score 60% and higher will be told they’ll have a job, with the government, in three months time, writing the test papers. Money in - unemployment down. Win – win.

Wait a minute! Aren’t they hiring, starting and testing these people back to front? Shouldn’t the test writers be sorted first? Of course. But this is a government initiative and as such the above method has been carefully crafted, by several committees, to create the absolute maximum confusion amongst the new test checkers, takers and writers as to who should turn up, to do what, where and when. All on a good bung and one of those link lookin’ free pensions.

You spot wots missing? The very top two test taking scorers will be tasked with creating and setting up the required IT system to run this happy little cluster. Starting next year. But they’ll be on a really, really big retainer while they wait. But that’s only common sense.

All that should cut a chunk from the benefit bill, right? Right?

Quote;  Raymond Chandler.

“Tall, aren't you?" she said.
"I didn't mean to be."
Her eyes rounded. She was puzzled. She was thinking. I could see, even on that short acquaintance, that thinking was always going to be a bother to her.”