22 Dec 2013

And Then It’s Getting Harder….

A nice comment over at that BBC lookin’ place relating to wot a couple of people pretending to be politicians had to say on the ever popular subject of immigration;

“I want to vote for the party that will stop this immigration ruining our country because it's job enough getting a job as it is and with more people it will be even more harder…….”

Very perceptive of you good job hunting person. However, if you are indeed seeking gainful employment at this time, may I suggest you give your CV another couple of slow, reading out-loud, proof reads? Or, to be on the safe side, just nip down to the local Polska shop and I’m sure they’ll be happy to correct it for you, as required. A poorly written CV could make it even so very much more harderer of a job to get a job don’t ya know.

And here, again, with nary a hint of that sorry for repeating for the third{?} time apologising stuff, is my very favourite CV, or sort of CV, ever;

Q: – Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

   I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees. I write award-winning operas. I manage time efficiently. Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row. 
   I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. 
   Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once, single-handed, defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I have had trials for Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. 
   When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. 
   I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. 
   Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening-wear. I don't perspire. I am a private person, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. 
    Children trust me. 
   I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
   I have performed several covert operations for MI5. I sleep once a week; and when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. 
   The laws of physics do not apply to me.  I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. 
    On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville toaster. I breed prize-winning clams.
    I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.

Quote;  Baltasar Gracián.

“A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.”

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