10 Sep 2013

And Then A Bank Job….

Before I start and before you start prowling the Web-a-Net for the latest tricky moves by ol' Backtrack, or should that now be Caught on the Backfoot O'barmy, Wlly, Egg On A Stick, Vague and Robust Dave, don your headphones and click the link down the way and let the sound accompany you as you brows your way round the world an' back. 

Pleasant, it be. It goes by the easily remembered title, SOUL FUNKY,FUNKY JAZZ,FUNKY LAZZ IN THE MIX. Make of that what you will but don't let it put you off. The bestest bit? Move that slidy thingy at the bottom along to 11 minutes. It's simple, repetitive, as am I, and relaxing. I've also added a link to that drop down deal called Stuff You May Like, which a good friend suggested should be renamed Stuff I Like.

Okay, here we go then. Yesterday Lloyds TSB Bank became Lloyds Bank and the TSB bit became, again, the listening bank – TSB. So far, so what? The 'so what' is my little nest of vipers had two accounts with Lloyds TSB which are now stranded in the TSB bit.

So what? So no big deal other than she wants to be with that black horse. Why? You may well ask and, anticipating that, ask I did. "I like the big black horse and the TV logo is nice." {For 'logo' read advert, by the way.} Unable, or lacking the will, to argue with this, we headed off to resolve the situation. Spot the mistake there? …to resolve the situation. As if that was ever going to happen.

First stop was her old Lloyd branch wot is now TSB and is where her 'new' accounts still reside. Listening bank? Scratch that right now. The only offering was to find a Lloyds branch and they'll do it. Any other questions where met with stony, but polite silence and a stonier, but equally polite, look.

We found a Lloyds branch, spookily close to the TSB branch, and repeated our wish, a simple wish as she has an account left with Lloyds for some mysterious reason. Why was one account left out from the move jobby? How and why did that happen then? No answer was there forthcoming from either end. 

"Right, this is what you need to do. Phone this number to get things moving and after that it's pretty much automatic. It'll take about eight weeks to complete the transfer."
"Eight weeks? About the same length of time before you start charging for an inadvertent overdraw situation then."
"Errrrr….. Any thing else I can help you with?"
"Got any free samples?"
"Errrr…"
"We be out o' here then. Have a mind numbingly boring and unproductive day. Bubye." 

Home to the phone. Guess who the number was for? TSB. Can't do it in the shop? Totally securely? Have to do it on an unsecured phone line giving name, account number, address and phone number? For security reasons? Oh, dear Prism me.

What happens next? "In two weeks you'll get a letter. Then you'll get another letter with a phone number. You'll need to call that number to do the transfer. Bubye."
"Wait!! Wait!! What's the first letter for?" That earned the sound of a phone being hastily put down.

The obvious thing we should've done is go to the bank with a very small paper bag, withdraw all the kelly, place it all in the very small paper bag, shut the 'new' accounts, popped over the road and opened a new one. Although I have to say I'm rather excited to see what letter number one is all about, probably to alert us to the fact a second letter, with a phone number, is imminent, and also the delight of a phone call that'll quite possibly be to a computer which may be the reason it'll take eight weeks.

Quote;  Henry Ford.

“It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.” 

            Christopher Rice.

“Everyday is a bank account, and time is our currency. No one is rich, no one is poor, we've got 24 hours each.” 

            Bertolt Brecht.

"It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank clerk."

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