23 Aug 2013

And Then A Beggars Banquet....

Right, here are the results of yet another Foggy survey. This one revolves round those begging, I do apologise, charity TV adverts.

5 - Way down at No 5 is that old perennial, save the rain forests. This has been steadily falling in popularity, and could well loose all ranking, as more people become aware of the splinter {Pun?} group who are in favour of cutting down the rain forests, transporting it half way round the globe to burn here to generate electrickery, supposedly Co2-less. Or are they just clueless? If this splinter group becomes a government sponsored charity, the TV advert’s going to be a doozy.

4 - Dropping from No 2 way down to No 4 is the kid with the perpetually runny nose with, they would have us believe, a mum too dumb to boil water before using it for drinking. The previous No 4, featuring the kid who had to walk a six mile round trip every day to collect water, had to be quietly dropped when it became known the kids parents had finally woken up to the fact that moving their shack three miles resulted in having water right outside the family home.

3 - Down one place to No 3 is the polar bear. Ol’ Ursus Maritimus should’ve been out of the charts all together and was only saved by the cuddly cub dolly still being the main. ‘I want one!! And I want one NOW!!!’ cry of kids. These huge hairy critters became less marketable when the last bear population figures were released and it was discovered that the alarming increase in their numbers indicated they may well start migrating South and the North of England could become plagued with these guys rummaging in suburban gardens and rubbish bins within a couple of decades. A lot sooner if that long promised warming continues to refuse to put in a showing. Their money making potential was further dented when the coddled masses suddenly became aware these bears are actually wild animals and not averse to killing people on a whim.

2 - Save the dolphin, a favourite money maker from long ago, has made a surprise re-entry at No 2. The dolphin scam was dropped long ago when it was felt it had been wrung to its limit; and some more; and people realised they didn’t actually bounce beach-balls on their noses and clap their flippers excitedly when in the wild. However, in an attempt to keep the tills ringing the marketing people went into hyper-drive in an attempt to continue the fishy financial fleecing of us fools but, despite their best attempts, they failed to perfect a heart tugging begging advert featuring a doey-eyed squid. They also realised a cuddly, rubbery squid wasn’t going to be a great hit, thus the reintroduction, for a new generation, of the still doomed, after all this time, dolphin.

1 - Hanging on to the No 1 spot, for the fourth straight month, is the ever popular, scratch me behind me ears an’ tickle me tummy, snow leopard. This is a stroke of marketing genius as, on the small screen, it so resembles your little tabby kitty curled up in front of the fire and there’s absolutely no hint of the size of the pointy, rippy bits secreted about the voluminous folds of its furry feet. As with the polar bear, attitudes may well change if we do, indeed, enter a little ice age and these big, one scratch an’ you’re out, guys migrate Northwards towards, and into, Islington.

Quote; Bernard Berenson.

"I would willingly stand at street corners, hat in hand, begging passers-by to drop their unused minutes into it."


Ripper said...

You forgot Save The Chiiiiildren. That's easily No.1. Little Johnny's mother loves him but only gives him dry toast to eat and he goes to bed hungry. Just £2 a month will buy him a blanket and a hot meal. Do you know anyone like that? Thought not. If Save The Children were really so upset about it, why doesn't their CEO Mike Aaronson give Johnny's mum a chunk of his £85,000 a year salary? That's 0.77% of the charity's total income by the way.


Can you spare just £2? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. Send us just £2 - and we will send you the video. It's f***ing hilarious!

Mac said...

You’re right. I thought that ad had gone and I assumed salaries, pensions and bonuses where taken car of for another year. I clicked on ‘Post’, looked up to the Brainwash Box and there it was! Have you noticed that it appears a large percentage of the little that gets down there seems to be spent on happy, smiley, brightly coloured new cloths?

Ripper said...

I've been noticing a lot about charities since first coming across the blogosphere a few years ago. Humble blogs such as yours and the Rantys have really opened my eyes. The most vile organization on the planet has to be the RSPCA. After discovering that healthy dogs are destroyed by captive bolt gun, the millions in donation money spent on pointless court cases, kicking in the door of 85 year old pensioners like a SWAT team and going after people's inheritances whilst building themselves a palacial headquarters, when their begging ad comes on TV I want to throw it through the window. I hate them with a passion. The most shocking thing is how people in general believe their propaganda. This is a beast that should be starved.

The whole concept of charity has become so distorted. Try taking clothes or other items into a shop run by any of the big charities. They don't want to know. All they want is money. And lets face it - what would become of CRUK if a cure was suddenly found for cancer?

Mac said...

I remember far too many years ago, when I was just a pup working on mans boat, we picked up a cargo in the US for that outfit ‘Hands Across The Ocean’ or some such. Their emblem was a white and black hand locked in a shake? The cargo was sacked grain for Africa. I don’t remember the specific country. Grain always ships in bulk as the cost of sacks and then sacking the grain, was prohibitive so this was free, quality stuff.
Upon off-loading in Africa, the dockers where loading the sacks of grain onto trucks using Bill-hooks. As a result the sacks were bursting and the loss of grain was seen to be quite extreme. The ripped sacks where emptied on the dock or in the sea and the empty sacks put to one side. Hundreds of ‘em.
We got to talking to the dockers and the reasoning became clear. The grain went off to government warehouses where it was stored ‘till a neighbouring country had a crop problem and it could be sold to them, or the global grain price was right and it got sold onto the world markets. What the locals wanted, which was all they would see, was the sacks. If you have nothing, you can do a lot with a few quality sacks......

And the RSPB are against fracking but windmills get a big hug? It's a money old world.