23 Dec 2011

And Then We Went For Bread….

I freely admit to rarely appearing to be playing with a full deck, but I excelled today. Today, two days before Christmas, for reasons not yet fully understood, as there was nothing shiny involved, we went shopping. You know, for those critical, last minute Christmasy things like bread an' milk an' stuff. Okay, let's be honest, much the same we do every year. So, basically, we haven't learned a damn thing. And we'll have forgotten again by next year. What with advancing age an' all.
What was it like? Absolute bedlam's what it was like. And not a festive smile in sight. Just a far from festive, frothing at the mouth, teeth gritted, grabby, wobbly wheeled trolley race of death. Once we'd negotiated our way through the car park and entered the store, things really went downhill. Between the bread shelf and the check-out, man, that was a long, wild ride.
People, please, although this message is a tad too late, it being night an' all, there will be stuff left to buy come the after Christmas period. I promise.
Yes, even on December 26. Possibly as early as the 25th. The little corner shop wot seems to stock absolutely everything? Run by that ever cheerful sleepy lagoon? That'll be open. The Polish deli down the road? That'll be open. That chain of tobacconists and general stuff stores owned by those Indian guys? They'll be open. The little local bakers, run by that pleasant young English couple? That'll be..... Oh.
Back to today. From the total chaos of the food purveyors establishments, we had need to visited a DIY superstore. Guess what. We were on our own. That's a spooky feeling, knowing that the CCTV watching guy had nothing else to do but look at us, from entry to check-out. I kept my receipt.
And what's happened to carol singers? Where they be? Nothing this year up our way. Or down our way, dependant on where you be in relation to where I be.
In the absence of proper carol singers, bob upstairs, put on your flares, do the clicky bit below, dive outside your front door and join in with "The Boars Head Carol". Remember to cup your hand over your ear for best effect. When you're done, if you haven't been arrested, don't forget to bang on your door 'till you give yourself some money. If you just offer yourself a chocolate bar instead of money, punch yourself in the puss. You know the drill.

Quote; Will Rogers.
“Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.”

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