21 Jul 2011

And Then There Was A Valve….

Okay, the sucky out vacuum baggy? He was as big and as full of hot air as a politician again today. Failure?

Not really. That sneaky little sucky out valve? It, kind of obviously, doubles as a letty in valve. Thus the trick is;
A – Open valve.
B – Suck out air.
C – Close valve.
Success! So, see? C's the secret.

Looking at 'her indoors', inside the de-aired bag, is the funniest sight I ever did see. Looks something like that thing in the movie, 'Scream'.

Hay, please, again for the terminally timid and shadow frightened folk, this is just a bit of FUN. Got that? FUN.

This isn't. Ye Gods, will they never leave us alone? If you smoke, you'll die – if you drink, you'll die – if you're fat, you'll die. And now, breaking misery on the news, research has concluded that if you're tall you're toast.

You know what? Here's the result of my simple research conducted over a coffee and a fag;

The shocking conclusion of my research seems to point to the fact that, eventually, if you smoke, if you don't smoke, if you drink, if you don't drink, whatever you eat, whatever shape and size you are, you're ALL going to die. Most, contentedly. Some as miserably as they lived.

I'm sorry if this conclusion further terrifies the terminally timid and shadow frightened folk, but I'm afraid my 'in depth' research will prove to be pretty irrefutable.

Man, am I stupid or wot? I should've applied for research funding before posting my paper. Guess I'll have to try an' get on the lecture lucre train then.

Quote; Doris Lessing.

"Political correctness is the natural continuum from the party line. What we are seeing, once again, is a self-appointed group of vigilantes imposing their views on others. It is a heritage of communism, but they don't seem to see this."

Kurt Vonnegut.

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high-school class is running the country."

Bertrand Russell.

"Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."

Idi Amin.

"Sometimes people mistake the way I talk for what I'm thinking."

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