And Then There Was A User Name….

While I was away I had cause to make a phone call. Below is roughly how it went, with a little, and believe me, only a little, poetic licence.

I had checked in, found room, showered and fired up laptop. What I needed was a user name – no password, just a user name.

“Hello, reception? Seems I need a user name to access the Web-a-Net.”
”That’s correct Sir, it’s just your room number.”
”Okay, thanks. That’s easy. So I just type ‘your room number’ in the box, right?”
”Err, no, not my room number, your room number.”
”That’s what I said, ‘your room number’. I didn’t say anything about my room number.”
”No, what I mean is you can’t use my room number, it has to be your room number.”
”Sorry, but that’s what I keep saying – ‘your room number’. Oh, and a couple of questions; is that in upper case and is it all one word or do I need those under scratchy thingies between Your, Room and Number?”
”Waaiiit a minute!! Sir, let’s take a couple of steps back.”
”Sure. Ouch!!”
”You okay?”
“Yup, caught the back of my legs on the coffee table when I stepped back. And I’m having to lean forward now as the string between the talky-listeny thing and the phone aint so long.”
”I didn’t mean you to literally step…. never mind. Take one step forward. Is that better?”
“That’s fine, thanks.”
”Just for future reference, if I were to say take five steps back, how close to the edge of the balcony would you be?”
”About one step short. Why?”
“Oh, nothing. Right, I think I understand what the confusion is. Where are you?”
”In my room.”
”Good, very good. Now, what’s your room number?”
” Five-o-one. Haaay, I see where this is going!!”
”Good. You see Sir, when I said your room number I didn’t mean ‘your room number’, I meant your room number.”
”Got ya’. And here was me thinking that when you said your room number you meant ‘your room number’!”
”No problem sir. By the way, would you be interested in me entering you in a little competition in the swimming pool early tomorrow?”
”I’m not a very good swimmer.”
”That won’t be a problem Sir. In fact an absolute plus. It’s the ‘Treading Water In A Tied Sack With Weights’ game.”
”Get out o’ here. Really?”
”I’ll put your name down then. Extra weights. Right Sir, are we good to go with the user name? Just type five-o-one in the box.”
”Yup, I’ve got it. I just type five-o-one in the box.”
”Good, but I spot a possible problem. Please don’t type ‘in the box’.”
”Okay. Wait a minute, there’s nowhere else to type.”
”You getting a headache? I am. When I said don’t type in the box, what I meant was don’t type the words ‘in the box’ in the box.”
”Oookaaay…. So where do I type the words ‘in the box’ if not in the box then?”
”Oh, for the love of…… look, is your curser in the box?”
”That he be, blinking away happy as Larry and waiting.”
”Then just type five-o-one.”
”I can be doing that. All understood. Thank you very big. You must think I’m a complete idiot eh?”
”Of course not Sir, and your far to modest.”
”Thanks again. Oh!! One thing before you go. The ‘o’ in five-o-one. Do I just put an ‘o’ or an ‘0’ or do I have to type ‘zero’?”
”Please put the phone down and take seven steps backwards…………”

Quote; David Russell.

"We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic."