17 Jun 2010

And Then There Was Some More Old Footy….

Yup, they keep getting older. Just following the footy theme which seems to be everywhere just now. Some kicky competition or other taking place which seems to involve twenty two men chasing a ball accompanied by a whole whizz of folk blowing three foot long tubes for as long and as loud as possible without passing out. These tube blowers seem to be getting up the nose of some people. Grown-ups no less. Therefore, I love ‘em, although I must admit they do seem to lack a tad in that tune stuff. On the plus side, it’s easy to remember and whistle……..

A scouser was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on and long white plaits round a wrinkled old face.

"What’s with the old Indian over there then?" said the scouser.
"That's the old Memory Man." replied the bartender. "He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Why don’t you try him out?"

The scouser goes over, and thinking he won't know anything about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"
"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man in a blink.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds," was the reply.
"And the score?"
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John." was the old man's reply.

The scouser was knocked out by this and, on returning home to Liddypool, told everyone about the amazing Memory Man.

Several years later the scouser went back to the USA and while he was there thought he would try to find the impressive Memory Man again. Eventually he found the bar and, lo and behold, sitting in the same seat was the Indian, older and yet more wrinkled.

Because he had been so impressed by the old man, and as a sign of respect, the scouser decided to greet him in the traditional Indian manner, so he approached him calling out, "How."
The old man looked up at the scouser through rheumy eyes and replied, "Diving header in the six yard box."

It’s believed this is one of the last recordings of the Memory Man. He came to the UK to find fame and fortune but, sadly, at least for him, just in time for the final curtain of Sunday Night at the London Palladium and thus eked out a meagre living through his final years, memory totally blown, chanting gibberish round the working men’s clubs of Northern England for the Sunday, get as much down your throat as you can in two hours after a monumental Saturday night, lunch time crowd. It’s understood these patrons were firmly convinced he was answering all their questions - ‘...absolutely spot on!’

Quote; Andy Rooney.

“Vegetarian - an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'.”

No comments: