So me and him grabbed a cab outside the hotel and said, "China town please."
"Which part?" asked the cab driving chappy.
"No idea. Oh, how about the bit where the Chinese hang out?"
"Hokay!!"
After a slow meander through Singapore's 2,000 sets of traffic lights we were there. Actually, just past it..............
"China town just back there."
"Why didn't we stop there?"
"Not sure, but here Hokay!!"
Off we went. We wandered down a shop and stall packed side street, took a 'U' turn and headed back down another side street towards the main road. Our plan was to cross the road by the bridge to reach, well, yes, the other side, but what looked like even better shopping and eating ground.
Chattering away like excited school boys and not paying too much attention to where we were going, we suddenly found ourselves on a narrow metal pavement with hand rails and arrows painted on the metal floor. The arrows were suspiciously pointing at us. In one gracefully fluid movement we hopped backwards, before being mowed down by several thousand China men steaming towards us, hopped to the left and hopped on the side with arrows pointing away from us. We walked along for a while, and, before we realized what was happening found ourselves on an escalator. Heading down. Bottom not in sight.
We turned to the lady standing behind us, "Excuse me, where are we going?"
She looked with trepidation at the two round eyed, raggedy arsed reprobates before her, considered possibly the gooniest question she had been asked for some time, and replied, "To the subway."
"Thanks. So this doesn't lead to the big bridge over the main road?"
"No. That would need an up movement. This is a subway movement. Down. But walk straight on when you get to the bottom and you will come to an up escalator which, with luck, will bring you out at the other side of the road."
"Great! Hay, wait a minute. Will we have to jump across the train lines?"
She was spared the need to answer as me and him collapsed in a heap as the escalator dumped us at the bottom.
Never, ever, ever stand backwards, talking upwards, on a downwards escalator.
Our new friend walked away shaking her head, and probably hoping the doctors found us and got us back to the home before we hurt ourselves.
We hit the gold shop at the gallop and were greeted by the counter lady with a smile only these good people can smile. A smile that lights up an area of 100 meters all around the smiler.
"Good evening walking ATM machines, sorry, sorry, I mean sirs. How can I help you?"
"Evening. I'd just like to take a selection of your free samples please."
The smile pulled in to 25 meters and a hand moved slightly towards the alarm button.
"Kidding!! I would like to see a small, modestly priced chain please."
The smile radiated outwards once more but never made the full distance after the words 'small' and 'modestly priced' were uttered.
I was shown a collection of chains, chose one and went through the complicated process of paying for it. As a gift for being 'goo cussomerz' but, in truth, more likely to speed our exit from the shop, I was given a 5% discount, which probably equates to a 25% mark up, a free fuzzy, empty ring box and a tax refund certificate.
Then a further drive through the same red traffic lights back to the hotel for much beer round the ornamental carp pool and back slapping on a job well done. After many trips to the bar and toilets which resulted in many close encounters with the fish pool you just knew the fish were hoping the doctors would find us and get us back to the home before we hurt ourselves.
Quote - Joe E. Lewis;
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
1 comment:
?We hit the gold shop at the gallop and were greeted by the counter lady with a smile only these good people can smile. A smile that lights up an area of 100 meters all around the smiler."
Were her teeth all of gold too? I knew a man in Minneapolis who could frazzle your retinas when the sun hit his gold incisor.
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