...of several, stolen from hither and thither, 'I Wish I’d Said That' clips for an afternoon like this as it's pissipitating down where wot we be. Many worthy of saving to the memory bank for use
as required you think? Enjoy.
1 - I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet
it's hard to pronounce.
2 - How about never? Is never good for you?
3 - I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
4 - I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
5 - I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message...
6 - Ahh... I see the f-ck-up fairy has visited us
again.
7 - It sounds like English, but I can't understand a
word you're saying.
8 - I like you. You remind me of when I was young
and stupid.
9 - You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
10 - I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't
give a damn.
11 - I'm already visualising the duct tape over your
mouth.
12 - I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I
had about you.
13 - We're all refreshed and challenged by your
unique point of view.
14 - The fact that no-one understands you doesn't
mean you're an artist.
15 - Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.
16 - What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
17 - I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
18 - It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma
to burn off.
19 - Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.
20 - No, my powers can only be used for good.
21 - I'm really easy to get along with once people
learn to worship me.
22 - You sound reasonable; time to up my
medication.
23 - Who me? I just wander from room to room.
24 - And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?
25 - Do I look like a people person?
26 - I started out with nothing and still have most of
it left.
27 - You! Off my planet!
28 - Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29 - Allow me to introduce my selves.
30 - Whatever kind of look you were going for, you
missed.
31 - Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.
32 - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
33 - How do I set a laser printer to stun?
34 - I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just
wanted the pay-checks.
35 - If I throw a stick, will you leave?
36 - Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
37 - How many times must I flush before you leave?
38 - Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is
Done.
Quote; Steven Wright.
“What's another word for Thesaurus?”
8 comments:
How about a health warning? Most of those would result in life changing injury or death. You don't know my Missus.
Grandad,
On reflection, good point. Please, all who read, accept my humble apologies.
“What's another word for Thesaurus?”
Glossary.
Ripper,
Didn't finish.
Nice one. That'll work. Full marks. First ever comment relating to a quote. More marks for that, okay?
Mac,
Not at all, its a demonstration of how to calmly take the wind out of someone's sails. You could add it to your list as a comeback. But rest assured that your list has been saved for future use.
I was known at work for stopping jibes dead in their tracks - with the amount of bullying on there I had to. A conversation springs to mind one morning when, having changed night/day shifts several times over the week, I strolled into work looking like a zombie.
Co worker - "God, you look like shit. Been shagging too much?"
Me - "Yeah, must be".
Co worker - "So how much did that cost you?" (sounds of others falling about laughing)
Me - "Didn't cost a thing - your lady called round". (more, louder laughter, with one guy just standing there, commenting "What a comeback!")
At this the co worker flew into a rage and I reminded him that if he couldn't take it, he shouldn't be trying to dish it out.
Another couple for your list:
"No you're wrong, if he was two faced he wouldn't be wearing that one."
"If you were any skinnier, your eyes would be in single file."
"You're a lesbian? Well fancy that - so am I!".
Mac,
One more, though you might not want to use it verbally in person.
"I see that someone has left the gate open at the c**t farm again".
Ripper,
Nice story right there.
Andy your additions duly noted, thanks.
Beware the 'warning' in the new post...
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