And Then, A Top Tip...

   But first, how’s that never going to happen puncture passport thingy working out for you? Didn’t see that coming did you? You didn’t? You have got to be kidding, right?
   Now onto serious stuff. No, really. The morning weather propaganda presenter sweatily announced hot weather incoming. This was backed-up with the news that the met office have declared an amber weather warning for high temperatures for parts of the country.
  It’s summer so we’d expect the odd warm day but let’s not let that get in the way of the climate message.
   Wot to do? Luckily, the BBC found a health ‘expert’ who recommended not being in the sun for too long thus reducing the risk of burning. How cleaver is that then?  Also, by-the-by, it’ll reduce your intake of vitamin D, a good deterrent against that co-co thingy.
   He also suggested closing exterior window shutters to keep the sun out thus keeping the indoor temperature down a tad. The interviewer pointed out that not many UK homes had exterior window shutters to which the health guy sot o’ went, ‘Errr...’ then a smile lit-up his concerned vista and he presented  an idea that I’m so happy to have heard and I can’t express my gratitude enough to the BBC for sharing this amazing revelation and top tip with us all. If you didn’t catch it, red on. 
   You ready for this extraordinary and so simple top tip?  Trust me, it’ll blow your mind. You sure you’re ready? Sitting down? Okay, here it is then - in my words. Sun shining in? Close your bloody curtains.
   And we expect proper news from these people. 
   It was also noted, in passing, every five minutes, that despite the seasonally warm weather, puncture points are still, against all the hot odds, operating ‘normally’ so get down there. Now. Just remember to wear a big brimmed hat, okay? 
   You may have thought, thanks to the media propaganda, that Public Health England were, like, totally stressed-out with, like, co-co. Not so stressed, it would seem, that they cant put together a Heat-Health Alert. They’re  there to assist with more stunning ‘advice’ than you could shake a civil serpent at. 
   Please, I need more help. Please just keep holding my hand. Tighter please and don’t ever let go.
   Finally, as us Brits see the sun and decide to dress, almost, to suit the heat, please take note of the quote below.

Quote;   ??

"During this heatwave, please remember to dress for the body you have, not the body you want."