Further to the ongoing furore over grammar and hurty words, I had pause for thought earlier when I needed to type and send an E-mail of a formal type because as old as I be, I do type that type of E-mail as I would type a formal letter and that would be like wot I was taught back in the olden days as an initial, ‘Hi there,’ as to the initial salutation just doesn’t cut the mustard with this old chap. This modern outlook on words an’ such caused me quite intense mental anguish right at the start of said mail as I wrestled with how to kick it off in an acceptable way for these modern times.
It seems pretty obvious that starting a letter or an electronic mail, Dear Sir, is totally unacceptable now on so many levels. Capitalisation suggesting shouting, Dear suggesting an unhealthy familiarity and Sir suggesting some sort of superiority and gender of the recipient.
I also guess that covering your ass with ‘Dear Sir or Madam,’ could lead to upset recipients. Dear and Sir have been covered and should a female – or someone identifying as female at that time – see Madam she/it could well be triggered by the implied suggestion that she’s been likened to the boss of a house of ill repute. It also doesn’t account for the other fifty or so genders of choice out there. Or squirrels. It’s a problem. As a safety measure how about ‘To Whom It May Concern’? Still shouty. Anyhoo, I settled for ‘hay, you reading this,’. No reply have I received at this time...
Let’s not get started on ending with Best Regards. How very dare you imply I may be deserving of anything but the best. Give me Yours Faithfully or Yours Sincerely every time. Hell, are those two even ever used any more? Anyone under thirty know which to use when?
Quote; E.A. Bucchianeri.
“You know something is wrong when the government declares opening someone else’s mail is a felony but your internet activity is fair game for data collecting.”
6 comments:
Mac, You could always start with single word greeting, perhaps in a foreign language, say Russian...
Zdravstvuyte (hello) or Privyet (hi)
This is a bit loopy but avoids the LGBQWERTY thing and deflects from the fact that you are only saying the standard hello or hi. You can follow it with their first name or even an insult if the recipient is someone you don't like:
Zdravstvuyte drochit (Hello wanker)
Privyet chlen prisoski (Hi cock sucker)
Best to stick to the single word greeting though with business or official emails, though sometimes I'm not so sure...
I joined your ranks last Tuesday and took early retirement from the great yellow digger maker. Nice big payout now I'm looking for another job. Not that bothered if one doesn't come along though. I did go for a weld test/interview yesterday but they have yet to get back to me.
First thing I noticed about the place was not a face nappy in sight, and its great to get away from that, compulsory overtime and getting up at 4am.
Ripper,
Like your thinking. Prompted by your idea I’m exploring various greetings via the BBC pidgin site...
Glad to hear your lumper was good. When I got mine, I went to the bank and opened a joint account paying good interest - yeah, a while ago - and got the bank to move all monthly direct debits for utilities and such, to that account. I top it up monthly but there’s a very healthy time buffer in there should the unexpected occur or if I go doolally or, when I depart and the account goes to her name, will be one less thing for my little nest of vipers to think/worry about for a long time while she decides weather to stay or sell-up and go home. She’ll probably go home as she came here legally and thus has no recourse to public funds so no pension. Damn shame she didn’t come by dingy so she could’ve taken advantage of our meet and greet services down south...
Good luck with all your future endeavours and good health.
Mac, great to have given you inspiration, its marvelous what things can be learned from foreign work mates. The payout is big, but only big for 5 and a half years service. In this employment I had been there almost 10 years and they kept me down on agency for 4 of them.
I have earmarked the payout to exist on over the next 2 years 4 months, until I reach state pension age. Its going to be tough but I live simply so should be able to make it without touching savings. If another job comes along that's a bonus and I can continue saving. I've already had a bonfire of the direct debits, including the useless and corrupt GMB union subs.
As you can imagine, 5 and a half years works pension doesn't amount to anything, but if I close it down and take the tax hit, its more than enough to finish the house and have some change. As far as I can tell it won't affect the state pension.
I'm not one for investing or spending money I don't have, borrowing or lending. This is how I've prepared for the day that the shadows surround me.. It all started when my daughter/husband/grandson fell into debt and lost their house. They lived with me for a while in the 3 bed council house that she grew up in, until the council gave them a 2 bed house about 5 doors away from me, a bit neglected/mistreated and small. She hated it and wanted to move, so I suggested we do an exchange and I moved in here.
Straight away I applied for right to buy. The house was valued and at 38 years as a council tenant I got a 68% discount. I bought the house cash for £23,360. I did two other things at the same time:
Made a will, which says that the whole of my estate goes to my daughter.
Given my daughter lasting power of attorney. If my mind goes before I do, she can complete what I'm doing on my behalf.
I've told her no old people's homes. If I get bad enough to need one then I can happily do away with myself and save the home the trouble. Soon I will be signing the house over to her, so if I end up in a home they cannot take what I don't have. She's a ward sister at the hospital so she understands where I'm coming from. If she puts me in God's waiting room then like my mother and sister before me, I will refuse food to the end. What a vile way to exit this world, sitting alone in a room unable to go out or do anything, and now with a face nappy... oh, wait...
The way I see it Mac, I've worked hard for my house and savings and there's no way a care home or the state will take them, not even over my dead body. And if I can't take my bike with me, I ain't going.
I have another cunning plan when I reach pension age, which is to pay my pension into my daughter's account and live on savings until there's nothing left. The state isn't going to keep up with me, I assure you.
Ripper,
Seems to me you've covered all the bases and are suitably covered.
As you're a fellow of simple means - a roof a bed a chair - and not, as so many seem to be today, a slave to I want more stuff and I want it NOW, you'll be pleasantly surprised just how far the state pension goes. And in that regard, you're streets ahead of me as I have to feed and clothe a colander collecting nut job...
As for work, I see the perfect job has just popped up. How about a Covid Marshall? Oh the fun you could have chasing perfect Karens and spot fining them for the smallest infringement of the 'regulations'. Work-plase Covid Marshall? Can you smell and taste the revenge?
Mac, no matter how hard I try, my conscience would not let me take a job like that. The firm I had the weld test with has turned me down because 'things are very fast paced there' - meaning they consider me too old, which is illegal and why they didn't come out and say it directly. My answer would be - well, I didn't see much going on when I was there, if you think that's fast paced you wouldn't last 20 minutes doing the job I've just left before you were curled up in a fetal position, crying for your mummy.
I might be streets ahead of you Mac, but I'm sure the colander collecting nut job loves you, and when its like that money doesn't matter, because you are a wealthy man. I'm not that fortunate.
Ripper,
Sorry about the job. Hit them again and ask for a speed test...
Take your point but as a plus, do you know of a bank that has colander accounts. I thought about buying stock in colander manufacturers but by the time my little nest of vipers got going, I'm sure I missed the low...
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