As I steam, full ahead, towards another birthday, I reflected on my driving skills.
We've touched on the bendy down thing before and how, as the years pass, getting down, slowly, on all fours becomes the favoured method for picking stuff up. You also have to consider the amount of time required to get back up, so it's also advantageous to wait 'till there are several items down there to pick up so you can get it done in a oner.
The other thing I've noticed over the past, oh, I don't know, couple of years? is my diminishing ability to.... Sorry? Say what? No, no that's er, no, really, I'm er, I can still, er, you know, I, er... Anyway, moving right along, what I was coming to was driving.
After a lifetime of driving it's all become a completely different game. Remembering my younger days, I always seemed to get stuck, on twisty, windy roads, behind some old sod in front just dawdling along. I guess you've guessed it; I feel I'm now that old sod in front.
Now, when I come to a junction or roundabout, I stop, look left, look right, look left, look right and... wait!! Is that a car coming? Four hundreds yards up the road? Looks like he's moving pretty fast! Better wait. Time passes and eventually he passes. Okay, look left, look right. All clear. Hang on, it's been a couple of seconds since I looked left. Look left, all clear. One last check to the right. Cool. Check rear view mirror for absolutely no reason. Whoa! Where did all those cars behind me come from? Time's passed again, so better check left and right again. Looks good. One more left and right, just to be sure, and off we go!
Half way across the junction, remember to indicate my intended direction of travel.
Just up the way and I'm out of the thirty MPH zone and on the open road so it's foot down and away we go!!!
This is when all the traffic I'd accumulated at the junction starts tearing past me. 'Tearing' as my old brain perceives it. I doubt they're breaking fifty..... Seems they know me as they all give me a wave of some sort as they whizz past me. I don't recognize anyone, my eyes not being what they were an' all, but I politely wave back.
Reversing? I remember well the days that if I saw a parking space, I just hit reverse and whipped in there. Now? Any reverse situation is a heart racing, adrenalin pumping, eye straining adventure to be avoided whenever possible.
Long story short? You young folk, please remember, next time you find yourself stuck behind that old sod in front, that, all too quickly, there's a good chance you'll become that old sod in front.
Or is it just me? No. Not possible. I can't be everywhere.
Foggy note; Some parts of this story have been modified for dramatic effect. I think it's the fifth 'er' in the third paragraph.
Quote; George Carlin.
“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.”
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