24 Aug 2019

And Then, A Rise...

You see the bit in the news about a charity boss getting an eye watering pay rise? Why doesn’t someone start a charity to help this poor guy then?
Charity bosses' five-figure rises revealed including a £300,000-a-year executive's £134,000 boost in a year.”
And that is why I always chug right on past all those charity chuggers. Anyhoo, this is also good news for me as it means I don’t have to compose a new Blog but can just copy and paste one from 2013. I’m getting good at this Blogging via non-blogging... and if you enjoy wot’s below,
check out this true charity yarn.

Remember, I first typed this way back in 2013.

Right, here are the results of yet another Foggy survey. This one revolves round those begging, I do apologise, charity TV adverts.

5 - Way down at No 5 is that old perennial, save the rain forests. This has been steadily falling in popularity, and could well loose all ranking, as more people become aware of the splinter {Pun?} group who are in favour of cutting down the rain forests, transporting it half way round the globe to burn here to generate electrickery, supposedly Co2-less. Or are they just clueless? If this splinter group becomes a government sponsored charity, the TV advert’s going to be a doozy.

4 - Dropping from No 2 way down to No 4 is the kid with the perpetually runny nose with, they would have us believe, a mum too dumb to boil water before using it for drinking. The previous No 4, featuring the kid who had to walk a six mile round trip every day to collect water, had to be quietly dropped when it became known the kids parents had finally woken up to the fact that moving their shack three miles resulted in having water right outside the family home.

3 - Down one place to No 3 is the polar bear. Ol’ Ursus Maritimus should’ve been out of the charts all together and was only saved by the cuddly cub dolly still being the main. ‘I want one!! And I want one NOW!!!’ cry of kids. These huge hairy critters became less marketable when the last bear population figures were released and it was discovered that the alarming increase in their numbers indicated they may well start migrating South and the North of England could become plagued with these guys rummaging in suburban gardens and rubbish bins within a couple of decades. A lot sooner if that long promised warming continues to refuse to put in a showing. Their money making potential was further dented when the coddled masses suddenly became aware these bears are actually wild animals and not averse to killing people on a whim.

2 - Save the dolphin, a favourite money maker from long ago, has made a surprise re-entry at No 2. The dolphin scam was dropped long ago when it was felt it had been wrung to its limit; and some more; and people realised they didn’t actually bounce beach-balls on their noses and clap their flippers excitedly when in the wild. However, in an attempt to keep the tills ringing the marketing people went into hyper-drive in an attempt to continue the fishy financial fleecing of us fools but, despite their best attempts, they failed to perfect a heart tugging begging advert featuring a doey-eyed squid. They also realised a cuddly, rubbery squid wasn’t going to be a great hit, thus the reintroduction, for a new generation, of the still doomed, after all this time, dolphin.

1 - Hanging on to the No 1 spot, for the fourth straight month, is the ever popular, scratch me behind me ears an’ tickle me tummy, snow leopard. This is a stroke of marketing genius as, on the small screen, it so resembles your little tabby kitty curled up in front of the fire and there’s absolutely no hint of the size of the pointy, rippy bits secreted about the voluminous folds of its furry feet. As with the polar bear, attitudes may well change if we do, indeed, enter a little ice age and these big, one scratch an’ you’re out, guys migrate Northwards towards, and into, Islington.

Quote;  Bernard Berenson.

"I would willingly stand at street corners, hat in hand, begging passers-by to drop their unused minutes into it."


Ripper said...

Can you spare just £2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. Send us just £2... and we'll send you the video - its f***ing hilarious!

Smoking Scot said...

The CEO of CRUK picks up 244k plus perks.


And they still operate an index linked final salary pension scheme. Memory tells me that's about 2/3rds of final salary,

Much of this largesse is possible because so many people bequeath in their Will. Hence the adverts on daytime tv.

Mac said...

Still makes me smile out loud, bad boy that I am...

Mac said...

Smoking Scot,
You'd think it's about time someone 'up there' ordered a full audit of all wages and pensions all these charities award themselves and showed it as a percentage of every pound donated.

Ripper said...

Send your kids to Africa. They will be fed, clothed, educated and have access to medical services, all for £3 a month direct debit. Win - win!