11 Jan 2017

And Then, My Call...

Okay where did I finish up yesterday -  “...go see the leading urologist in the whole of SEA.”

Early AM, after another sleepless, showery night, my ride arrived and in moments I was sitting in front of the leading urologist in the whole of SEA. He checked the X-rays that I’d carried up from Jakarta and said they’d do another to see if it’d moved.

Walking to the ray room I was wondering how many more rays I could take before being transformed into some sort of super hero or, more likely, a big blob of radioactive jelly.

Ray done and me still being me, the doctor stated there’d been no movement and continued thusly. “There are three options open to you. I’ll go through them but the final choice is with you.”
”I understand.” Seemed as good a response as any as I did, indeed, understand. So far.
”Right; first, we can just leave it and for sure, eventually, you will pass the stone. This could be in as little as a week but could be as long as six months plus. Plus pain. ”
”Okay.” Seemed good enough at this early juncture.
”Two, we go up your willy with a fibre optic cable with a mini grabber on the end. The driver uses the X-ray as a road map and steers the grab up your tubes and when he sees the stone on his screen he’ll activate the grabber to grab the stone and
then pull it all back out. Slowly, if you were wondering.”
”Oooooooookay.” I replied, thinking that going by wot choice one and two offered, three was going to be a doozey.
”Option three, and this is a doozey,” said the doctor, “we painfully pound the sucker into little bits using ultrasonics and you should be able to pass the remains within twelve hours. That is it. Your choice. Your call.”

I thought this through. Number one was a non-starter as, over six months, work was going to get in the way of showers. Two? I had visions of lying there then hearing a quiet voice, “Oops. How did it grab onto that bit? Better get the doctor down here right quick.” Three? I’m in pain now, so more pain? No pain no gain as they say.

“Number three please. I like the sound of ultrasound.” I said with as much bravado as my pain rattled body could muster.
”Great!!” Exclaimed the doc, “We finally get to play... Er, great, ultrasound it is then. Be hear early tomorrow, we’ll check you in, blast the sucker and we’ll keep you in overnight as this is really going to hurt and the pain could be with you for a few hours
and we’ll be able to manage it as and when you screa.. need.”

Back to the hotel for another extended period alternating between trying to sleep, sitting on the petty and taking hot-hot shower therapy. Towards morning the pain seemed to be getting somewhat worse and at about six in the AM I left the shower and sat despondently on the toilet.

What follows is an example of human reflexes and how amazing they can be in times of need.

I was sitting there, head in hands feeling particularly sorry for myself, when I suddenly coughed. It was most fortuitous that I was sitting on the petty at the time, as that cough caused Percy to pour a copious stream of pee at the porcelain. However, wot grabbed my attention was a faint sound; a sort of ‘tink’ sounding sound. And this is when my brain/hand coordination worked on a whole higher level. Some super power bestowed on me, briefly, by all those X-rays you think?

My right hand left my head, dived between my legs and, unbelievably, my thumb trapped the minute object, the object I guessed was responsible for that ‘tink’ sound, before it was washed down the toilet. Upon retrieval and inspection I was sure I had captured my kidney stone. This was pretty well confirmed as, amazingly, within seconds of the cough, the gush and the ‘tink’, the pain was receding at a dramatic pace.

Later, after carefully washing my almost microscopic nemesis and wrapping it in tissue, pain all but over, I voyaged through the hotel and down the road to the hospital wearing the broadest, goofiest of smiles, a song in my heart and wishing anyone and everyone a wonderful day.

The doctor inspected my offering and confirmed the miniscule pointy bit of calcium was it and, looking a tad sad that they’d been cheated out of the sound blaster bash, gave me a course of pills to clean my tubes and bade me bu-by. I found it quite amazing that such a ridiculously small bit o’ rock could cause so much grief.

Shortly thereafter I got a call from my outfit saying I’d been passed fit for work but, sadly, they couldn’t get me on a flight back to Balikpapan until the day after tomorrow so I’d be ‘stuck’ in Singapore for two more nights. Damn!! Never mind; time to catch up on some sleep, right? Alternatively, I could go down to Clark Quay and Orchard Towers and let off a little steam. I’ll let you figure out wot I done did. No prizes, okay?

Tune in tomorrow for a fittingly frightening finale to this story.

Quote;  Voltaire.

“The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”

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