8 Sep 2011

And Then There Was Money Mail….

Before I start, please go read this over at the good Captains place.

Nice one. Most interesting.

Right, here we go. This morning the postman pushed a very big envelope through the door. Okay, he's not magic, he pushed it through the letterbox. You know what? He never rings the bell. Not even once, never mind twice, but I guess that's another film.

Anyhoo, I opened the bulky envelope with no measure of interest as they're usually for 'over eighty' types of insurance and I've got all the free pens I can handle.

Imagine my surprise to find it was regarding a pension entitlement from a company I worked for a lifetime ago while I was between quitting being a sailor man and becoming an international jet-setting roughneck.

I have no recollection of any pension deal of any description while I was with this outfit, but there you go!! Seems the pension provider has gone bust but the administrators where locating all and sundry who have a claim on a percentage of the remaining money, here-in-after termed, 'The Fund'.

There was very close to a really big lot of pages explaining this windfall and I read the lot with increasingly trembly fingers and growing excitement and twitchery down at Foggy Bottom.

Surprise money!! For me!! Let's get to the last page!! So ever onwards to the last page!! Whoa, slowly now, read it all as there must be a bit in here that says, 'everyone except you'. Oh, be still my beating heart as all will be revealed on the last page.

I'm there. I'm at the last page and no hint of, 'everyone except you', and there's the number I'm looking for, there on the left of the last page!! Near the bottom!! Twenty Pounds? Wait!! There's more. A year? They're kidding, right? Nope, after five re-reads it's most definitely twenty Pounds a year.

Why did they bother? There was getting on for twenty Pounds worth of paper to tell me this. And they contracted out a search for me? For twenty Pounds a year?

Hay, stop being negative. It's twenty Pounds, and, as they were good enough to go to all the trouble to find me, I'd better put it to good use as I receive it and not just fritter it away.

Fritter-it-a..; sounds like some sort of Italian dish do it? Fritter; spam fritters. Man, it's been years since I had any of those suckers!!

Okay, sorry, you're right, it's pill time. Think I'll have three of those little yellow jobbies and see if I can get rid of the taste of spam fritters……

Quote; Logan Pearsall Smith.

"The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists the circulation of the blood."

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