And Then There Were These….

As I continue to wade through old hard drives I waded into this old – what? Yes, yes!! Old. Okay? list of “Wish I’d said that” one-liners. Hope you enjoy them. Even though they’re old. Better still, hope you can use some.

1. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
2. How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
5. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
6. Ahhh...I see the f-ck-up fairy has visited us again...
7. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
8. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
9. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
10. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
11. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
12. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
13. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
14. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
15. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
16. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
17. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable... time to up my medication.
23. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
24. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
25. Do I look like a people person?
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. You! Off my planet!
28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29. Allow me to introduce my selves.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
32. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door No. 1?
34. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
35. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted the pay-checks.
36. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
37. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
38. How many times must I flush before you leave?
39. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

Quote; Groucho Marx.

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

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